Me and My Blade

If only I had ALL control over my actions.

Born in the year 1999, I was named Emilia. 

It isn't really a special name, I've always thought it was stupid. STUPID. STUPID. STUPID. I don't think any other name can be as stupid.

But I guess part of me didn't think it was stupid. Part of me named everything by my name. Part of me chose to somehow name my old pencil case Emilia, part of me chose to name my pencils, pens, erasers, bracelet, car, drawers- all Emilia, so maybe I don't think the name is stupid. I'm not even sure if i think at ALL.

My mother, her name is Kar. She told me to call her "Mom" though. I want to, but I can't. I literally can't. It's like someone is controlling my mouth to not call her it. Sometimes I find myself struggling. But, I'm still okay. It wasn't ever that serious. Not until yesterday.

Kar bought me a knife. I always wanted this knife. I told her ever since I saw it. It was in the store we were in. The blade is long and sharp; just like I like it. 

"Em, put away the blade. You cannot bring it to school." Says Kar.

I shake my head violently. Not on purpose, I don't think I would have intentionally broken my skull just by shaking. 'Ow' I want to say. But the words never leave my mouth. If it even is a word.

"Em, you are hurting your head. Just give it here. It's not like you'll need it at school." Kar reaches for my blade. I pull it back, away from her. She tries again. I really wish she'd just stop. I don't think my body will ever give it to her. I mean, my mind has already given it to her the second she said to give it back.

"Emilia Jenz! Give me the DAMN KNIFE! I almost got cut, hon!" She screeches. Her voice is scary. And it makes me try harder to atleast say something. But I cannot say anything. My mouth won't open to let me. My body doesn't do what I want it to do, not often. Maybe I'm just some wind-up toy with a mind. 

"Mom. I am going to attack you!" I scream. Finally! Words that I have control over. I don't say these words violently or threateningly, I say it as a warning. But Kar doesn't listen. STOP. STOP. STOP. I'm not bluffing, mother! I strain. I try to have power over my body. I try warning mother again with worry in my eyes, I hope she catches my warning.

She has to.

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"Where am I?" I ask. I look around. I only see that I am in some sort of dark, dark, silver room. My voice echoes and I try to squirm. I DO squirm. I just DID move! I have power over my body!

I walk around in the pit of darkness a little more until I find a mirror. I look into the mirror and I instantly scream. There, I see a rather large version of my mother with a blood stain at her chest. Then I see she sin't the only thing that's gotten larger. Everything has gotten larger. I just got smaller. How? I look again. There on the mirror is my mother's blood. 

It takes me forever to figure this out, but...

I, I am in the blade.

I suppose, me and my blade, we are one.

Atleast I'm finally free.