unfathomable

just words separated with spaces all creating characters

worthless
earth less
purchase
what the worth is
of the worthless
pay for the strays
that stay in the pain
waiting to rearrange
the system sustained
to put the blame
on someone else in this game
give them their claim
let them win. freeze the frame
zoom in a sec, let's check
yes that was a tear
trickling down her cheek
she couldn't pay her rent last week
she almost did unfathomable things
would have ended up in another system
f**k the system if justice is just this
an ignorance fight with fists
then why wouldn't I just do it to myself and control this fit.
the first fit of fits was an experience I was hoping to quit
it didn't quit
I quit
I quit knowing and understanding who I was and why
started spending every day just wanting to get drunk and High
away from the problems that stand idley by but just to numb the pain black out and fly
to a place some call never land others call dreams
the way that I got there though was unforseen. as I always stood on gaurd for that other thing unforseen that may sneak into my bedroom making me feel unclean. back to unclean unworthy.
it's been 15 years almost and I still can't wash the dirt away
that feeling of pain and dismay
and now in saying that.
why am I always the one goinf away
what did I do wrong. why does wveryone run
why do they hate me and not ask me to join their fun.
my intensity is to intense you see but if you see the seas pain that dwell in my eyes. the ones that no one else will ever realize until it's the final freeze frame in my life.

Author's Note

again. written on a cellphone. just a vent and a place to store my writing. I never claimed to be good at it.