Unbeknown to human kind, the game between good and evil has played out over thousands of years. Throughout this time the natural balance of all things has been maintained by the power of the Witan, an innocent girl who is born every five hundred years to
So I like to linger around the “unreviewed” section of this universe and this has been on the list for forever. I finally gave in to my curiosity and clicked in. I was more than a little shocked to find that it had reviews. I’m guessing this is another glitch of the site since it’s not being maintained. Hopefully a more recent date will allow actually unreviewed things to come to the top since this has actually received feedback.
I truly enjoyed this first chapter and look forward to reading more. I must tell you, I rarely (if ever) read fantasy fiction, but I found this to be very entertaining... I have enjoyed this immensely. As I am not a fantasy fiction buff, I can only say that the spectacular imagery made this very easy to follow (ie. I usually get lost in the first chapter). This first chapter has whet my appetite, skillfully leading me into the second. Very well written.
This was an excellent begining to your story. You start us out not really sure of what has occurred then move us from the bedroom to downstairs learning with Ana as she does. We are expecting the father to be there but there is something far worse waiting.
The visuals in this are well done. It's really quite tricky because parts of this are taking place inside her mind as well as to her physically. You do a good job of keeping both sides balanced and I love the way you describe things - especially the action. I could easily see this entity's razor teeth inches from her terrified face.
A couple of things:
- With each creak of the floorboards she tensed and waited for silence to reclaim the house.
I love this line, especially the end. Beautiful.
- As she approached the kitchen doorway light from the street lamp outside
There are a few places throughout this where a comma would help the flow somewhat. There aren't too many but enough to confuse a little and take me out of the story briefly. I'd put a comma after doorway to separate this out a bit.
Again, a great beginning with plenty of mystery and action to keep the reader turning pages. Thanks for posting. I look forward to reading the following chapters. I hope I've helped. My reviews are only meant to do that and nothing more. Take care.
Hi Polly..
I'm further along , but want to post here. I have a terrible confession to make. I not only love this as much as the first read from the book , it is soooo much easier to read. Just an absolute pleasure to read. Truely, I need to get my eyes looked at. All you're genius in word selection , your imagination , was so much easier for me reading it here.
I love it! I think you write on a different level , but always keep it so the reader doesn't get lost , even though you introduce many new characters and creatures. You are the best! Rain.
Gosh! I kept this in my read requests till i felt i could give it the time it deserved,i am so glad i did. This was a captivating read. It gave me chills and has left me wanting more. Your talent is outstanding. Thanks for sharing this with me.
I think I read a synopsis of this on your site..maybe not I am not sure. I have checked out your books on the web unfortunately due to my schedule I haven't been able to keep up too much on my reading but you are definitely on my list.
My name is Polly Lewis and I am a struggling new author who would really appreciate constructive comments and advice on my work.
Writing is a passion, an expression of our soul. It drives our every .. more..