On Happiness

A Story by Jodi

A reflection on happiness and the pursuit of

The questions "are you happy?" has always plagued me. The answer has always been no and has always been followed with a heavy sadness. But could it be that I have been misinterpreting it? Is the realization of happiness an image of absolute joy and contentment? Frolicking in a field and living without a worry? Well if I think of the times I have been happy in life, though they never lasted long, they had a way of permeating whatever else was happening in my life at the time.

Through periods of extreme sadness, there were episodes of what I would call happiness and they took different forms throughout my young life. When I was a kid my happiness was the ability and opportunity to play. I have many fond memories of carefree play. Perhaps it brought such immense joy to me because most of childhood was characterized with abuse and emotional neglect. As a teenager, happiness came to me in the form of awakening, a new found hope and excitement of what was to come. Somehow this feeling penetrated through the institutionalized racism I faced everyday. In early adulthood, I remember a short period of happiness that took the form of confidence and maturity. I developed a confidence in my physical body I never had and a maturity of the mind that saw me through my homelessness and feeling of abandonment. As an adult, happiness is in my freedom. Though I am often very lonely and anxious, for the first time in my life I've reached an independence that has given me the freedom to live free of abuse and discrimination. I can do what I please and I think this is the biggest happiness I have reached.

So, what I mean to say by this is that happiness is not a singularity; it comes in many forms that we can learn to appreciate through reflection. There will never be a period in my life where I do not face a struggle that is detrimental to my happiness. Whether it be an external factor or an internal condition, there will always be limits and barriers to this long sought after state of absolute and enduring happiness. What there are, are rays of light that come through by personal development and reflection. While I can fantasize and plan all these circumstances under which I imagine I would reach this utopian happiness, I realize that it is not possible. What is possible in the human condition is perhaps more beautiful than what I could ever imagine.