My Story

Here's the story of me

There's really no specific place to start...

I was born January 26th, 2001 in my small hometown of Iowa. Growing up, my childhood was pretty basic. I had 2 loving and affectionate parents, 3 sister, dogs, cats, and family upon family galore. 

For me life was pretty easy. I grew up with many friends, family, passions. I was involved in sports, music talents, culinary arts, etc. I was your basic childhood little girl who wanted to grow up and become a teacher or a doctor and have a big family. I thought my life was perfect. I thought that I was invincible. That nothing in life could break me. I thought wrong...

5th grade: I went on an amazing trip to Illinois with my grandparents. They took just me and we went to go watch my grandpa play at a hockey tournament. Later, my grandma and I went bird watching at a nearby lake and we saw a lot of storks and cranes. It was one of the most beautiful sights I'd ever seen. 

The trip lasted 2 days and then we went back to their house late that Sunday. My dad came to pick me up right after we arrived. I noticed that he was acting a little strange. He told me to go in the other room and watch cartoons while he talked to grandma and grandpa. I obeyed and turned on some disney channel. 

Hours pass...

I wake up tired wondering what the heck I'm still doing here. I decide to peek out the door to see if their still talking. Just as I do my dad walks near the doors and tells me to get my things and go out to the car. I turn to see my grandma crying and my grandpa looking sternly at my dad. I hug them, very confused, and follow my dad's orders.

After a long drive we arrive home and my dad tells me to go talk to my mom, who's in her bedroom. I obey and head to my mom's room. I see that she and my other 3 sisters are all laying in her bed. She is crying. I ask if she's okay. She turns, scared to see me. She replies that she's fine and then she ask if I'll sleep with her and my sisters. I agree and lye down.

After some time I'm to uncomfortable so I go downstairs to my bedroom. I wanted to get some sleep because it was a school night. On my way downstairs I notice that my dad is sleeping on the couch. Maybe there just wasn't enough room in mom's bed, I thought.

I wake up the next morning and get ready to head to school. My mom tells me to hurry home from school. I asks why. She replies explaining that she has to talk to me and my sisters about something after school. I head to school and have a completely normal day.

On my walk home from school my sister and I are happily laughing along to our friends joke. Suddenly my dad's car pulls over and my dad asks us to get in the car. This is odd, I thought. Dad doesn't get off work until 6. Oh well mom told us to hurry home.

We arrive home and our parents sit me and my 3 sisters down... Now before I break down this mile long sappy story. let me just sum it up.

Dad cheats on mom with neighbor, Neighbor's husband finds out. Neighbor's husband beats wife. Dad beats neighbor's husband. Dad breaks foot. Police come. No orders are filed. Mom discovers dad's affair. Mom cries. Dad cries. Dad and mom agree to divorce. Mom and dad tell kids. Kids cry. Dad cries. Kids hate dad. Dad cries. Mom cries. Kids cry.

I hated my dad. I wanted to punch hmi so badly. My life was going perfect. Why did he have to go and flip our world upside down? My dad eventually couldn't deal with us crying or avoiding him during that conversation, so he leaves. We visited my dad once a week. Right after my dad left his grandma got sick and was rushed to the hospital for immediate surgery. She died later that night.

6th Grade: As if my parents divorce wasn't bad enough. I become really depressed and developed extreme anxiety. I'm being bullied at school by this girl who's jealous of my nice boyfriend, Levi. I cry a lot. I have to talk to a therapist once a week and seeing my dad only once a week wasn't making me feel any better. I started middle school and I already started giving up on my grades. I just didn't care... about life, friends, family, grades, my future. My old friend from elementary school's dad committed suicide and I went to the funeral. I remember hanging out at their house and when we would fall asleep he would carry us both up to bed. He was such a great guy. He didn't deserve this.

7th Grade: I stopped talking to my therapist, but I still struggle with my depression and anxiety. My boyfriend, Levi, broke up with me over summer and I feel alone again. I've lost a few friends as well. I feel like I'm pushing them away because, I'm afraid that they'll hurt me too. I can't even look at my dad without wanting to cry. He's on his 3rd girlfriend since he left. My best friend is dying. My dog, Jack, he's 11 years old and I love him more than anything in the world. I don't know what I would do without him. A piece of me would die with him.

8th Grade: My grades have started to improve a little thanks to my grandpa pushing me. I started track last year and I'm doing it again. My great aunt, Virginia, died and I'm really gonna miss her. My dog, Jack, has gotten better. He's just tired all the time. He's gone deaf and a little blind, but he's still running around the park with me. I'm in band and show choir as well. I've started to forgive my dad a little. He's learned to keep a girlfriend for more than a year now. Dana, that's her name. She's nice, quite, young. We are really poor and can't afford much. My mom is trying to sell our house. She wants to move to Des Moines near her boyfriend, Jason, who she started dating last year. I like him. He's nice. My grandma Jackson was diagnosed with breast cancer and she had to quit her job due to her treatment. Between her medication and her monthly taxes they are struggling with money.

9th Grade: Well my dad has been through 2 more girlfriends. My mom sold her house this summer and we had to move near Des Moines in a small town. I've started my freshman year here and I don't like it. I'm scared and alone. My depression and anxiety are probably at their highest point in my life yet. I'm that new girl at school who nobody knows or talks to so she eats lunch by herself and doesn't make conversation. I decided to keep to my basics in band and choir, but to refrain from sports. I just want to feel out my options. My grandma Jackson is 100% cancer free. I'm so proud of her for putting up a big fight.

10th Grade: My grades have really started to improve. I have a C or above in all of my classes my depression is mostly gone, but I still struggle with some anxiety issues. My mom got proposed to her by her boyfriend and they're getting married next year in September. My dad has kept the same girlfriend for a year. Her name is Faith. She's very quiet and antisocial. She also has a very short temper. I don't think that she's used to being around 4 girls for long periods of time so she blows up on us. I have more friends at my school and I've started show choir! I love it! I also made color guard for marching band! My grandma Bruck was diagnosed with a really bad lung cancer and they don't know if she'll live more than a year. I can't imagine a life without out my grandma.

I know that life isn't perfect and that my life kind of sounds like crap, but really nobody's life is perfect. Everybody goes through tough crap and life and we just have to learn to deal with it, get over it, and keep moving on. This is just the beginning of my life. I still have years of crap to deal with ahead of me. After looking back at my story and writing this for you, I've decided that I need to forgive and forget. Holding in grudges and pain is going to do nothing, but drag me down. I'm never gonna be reading for what life has to throw at me, but I can sure as hell try.

11th Grade: I'm still in choir, band, colorguard, and show choir. School is just a daily struggle. It's towards the end of the school year and I'm hanging on for dear life just trying to pass my classes so that I don't have to retake them next year. I HATE MATH! I hate my teacher too. I had here for geometry last year and now I have her for algebra II. Prom was probably the highlight of my year. Keegan asked me! We've been best friends since we both moved to the school our freshman year and I've had a crush on him for forever. I went to Sephora to get my makeup done and that was the most beautiful I've ever felt. Keegan asked me out after he dropped me off and now we're dating. I wouldn't say I'm in love, but he makes me so happy. It's just nice to have a ray of light in this dark dark world. I hope that we last a while. I really really like him and we've been friends for forever so this should be easy. Other than Keegan, my life sucks. My mom and I have been fighting like crazy and I"m pretty sure she thinks I'm on drugs or suicidal. She won't stop asking me questions. Looking forward to graduating and getting the hell out of here. I need an escape. 

To be continued...