Chapter one

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After finishing the dance, I stood there. I was soaked in sweat and my left calf was cramping.

"Madison, sweetheart that was amazing. You may be excused." She smiled to me. She always excused me from class early. I was her favorite student since I was 10, when I entered the top level at Tour De Pas Ballet School. Everyone else in this level was between the ages of 16-18.

I was twelve.

Dance was one of three places where I could be myself, and pour my emotions out. The other two places where my thoughts/dreams and the bathroom.

The reason I said the bathroom instead of a normal place, like my bedroom, is because when I was ten... I developed bad habits in pursuit of being perfect. I HAVE to be perfect. Perfect dancing and my body had to be perfect. So I developed bulimia. And I developed a high threshold for pain because I cut myself...

I loved myself, I really did, but I wanted to be perfect.

There are two versions of me as I see it. There is me, the person only my parents and my best friend Bailey see. I know this person very well.
Then there is Shuylar. The popular, perfect one. When I am at school and when I talk to people other than my parents, "Schuylar" takes over.

I was very popular at school. I was just finished with my 6th grade year. It was summer and I was excited for my parents to pick me up so I could go to the pool with my best friend, Bailey.

When my parents picked me up, they eagerly asked me how dance went.

I told them it was great and gave them some details.

We met Bailey at the pool.

Bailey was really pretty, she had light brown hair and sparkling green eyes. She was short and thin. And she was a 32 C, just like me. We shared clothes a lot so I would know!

She looked sick today, looking pale despite her new tan. She had bags under her eyes and she looked a little dazed.

But her smile was still glamorous.

When no one could here us and my parents left, we swam. Instead of going down the slide and fighting with me in water wars, she stayed in the three feet section. She looked a little upset.

"Bailey, what's wrong? You aren't acting normal. Are you mad at me?"

"Madi, you are my best friend! I'm not mad at you. I'm just feeling sick."

"Do you want to go back to my house and we can have a spa day so you could feel better?"

"That sounds amazing!"

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Being best friends, we had a lot of spa days where we could make face masks and massage each others feet while drinking lemon-strawberry-cucumber infused water. While we'd paint each others toes, we'd watch movies like Twilight or Harry Potter.

But this time, I was worried about my friend. So I made this spa day all about her.

Bailey spent the night and the next morning, she looked better but worse. Better because she seemed to be happier and in much better spirits and worse because she looked sicker.

"Bailey, how are you feeling?"

"Madi, I just wanted to thank you for being my friend and for being so nice to me always"

"Bailey, your scaring me! Are you ok?"

"I think I need a doctor..."

"I'll get my mom to take you to the emergency room"

She passed out.

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Bailey's mom arrived soon. The doctor wouldn't let anyone in the room.

About an hour later, the doctor came out.

"Bailey has developed cancer at the worst stage. I'm sorry this has happened so rapidly, as she was healthy a week ago."

"Is she going to be ok?" I asked, wanting to cry.

"One can only pray, sweetheart." Everyone became silent.

"You can see her now"

I got to speak with Bailey alone. She looked...brave.

"Madi, if I die, will you please take all of my clothes and stuff? Also take any books you want. Really just take anything you want. Anything that will remind you of me.... Oh, Madi, please don't cry!"

I didn't even realize I was crying until she said something.

"Don't die, Bailey! Stay strong! You are my best friend! You can't leave me! I don't know what I'll do without you!"

She stared at me with hope and confidence.

"I will try my best, but only for you!"

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