Ripples

Random thoughts...

Ripples

 

The wind blows.

It's ever so gentle gusts

Push the clear, crisp river water,

Much like the mother that pushes

Her child out the door to play with her friends.

The girl goes willingly, along with the water,

Which eventually moves without the mother wind,

Much like the eighteen year old girl who can go out on her own.

Then a rock is thrown into the water and sinks to the bottom,

Much like the first boy who  pusshed her away.

It rains.

The river floods.

Mich like when the girl cries over the loss of her mother, a flood of emotions.

Then, a rainbow, the girl sees happiness when she has a child.

The river dries up.

No more ripples.

The girl is dead.

   

 

Reviews

[Emmy]

I love this. My only suggestion is work on word choice (which is something every writer pretty much needs to do). I like the way the water forms the girls like. Creative. I think I'll come back later and read more carefully

[PoetryPenPal]

I'm glad you like it!

[jonah]

the ending got me disturbed for a little while. great writing. i feel the sad and gloomy emotions in the poem, and the shortness makes it even better. i can't really tell if there's an analogy there, but anyway, great job

[PoetryPenPal]

Thank you for reading my poem. I'm sorry it disturbed you. It is just suppose to show the similarity between the beauty of ripples and life.

[jonah]

yes, you're welcome. and it's ok, you don't have to be sorry haha. it disturbed me in an way that it challenged my perception which is great

[PoetryPenPal]

Oh. That is very good. ;-)

[Ivory]

This is a beautiful piece of work. The love the flow and the story you tell

[PoetryPenPal]

Thank you very much!

[Vidya Bacchus]

Life is hard sometimes.This was such a great piece my friend.

[PoetryPenPal]

Thank you very much!!!!

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome :)

[A. Amos]

Loved the structure here, great details, and awesome finish!

[PoetryPenPal]

Thank you so much!

[A. Amos]

you're most welcome