Going back into the darkness

This is a poem abut my journey back into my childhood. I am sure there will be more. Anyway It is about being abuse experiencing the emotions that I refused to experience

   

Going back into the darkness

don't want to go back
But need to find out what happens
overtakes my sense of fear
Fear being more than i can handle
What demons are there to haunt me
waiting to be expelled from my inner being
strive to find the person i was meant to be
Wondering could they all be right
held onto this belief for so long
i was like them
Just as valuable just as worthy
Just like everyone else
What if  the truth in the darkness
reveals they were right
that some evil in me
Something i was born with causes good people
Valuable people, loving people
to do the things  they do
to cause such great pain
Into the darkness I go
finally in search of the truth
to find  little girl not allow to grow up
child screaming for someone
please please turn on the light
Hide me from the darkness
threatens to overtake my spirit
possessing my soul
stoppin the love from flowing to  me
through me out to others
here I am still
Striving to overcome that darkness
Trying to outrun the darkness
it follows me wherever i go
pulling at me bringing me down
deep deep into the depths of darkness
threatening not to release me
keeping me hidden from the world
dragging me back into the pain
releasing the sadness like a dam overfill
grief, pain and despaired
overflowing the banks of being
killing all the green that was growing
leaving things in a dismal destroy state
Into the darkness I go to stop the flooding
finding the place where the darkness can not come
searching for relief that will stay
beamed the light give me the escape
showing  little girl how to reveal the truth
finally building the strength
to overcome all the chaos
walking through the darkness to the light
searching for those who understand
so others can find their way out of the darkness too
I go back into the darkness to find the strength I abandon
to feel the emotions i refused to experience
To see the things that cause so much disruption
to discover the real me