Here I am again

Here I am again Lord
Once again
Back here where I don’t want to be
Looking at what is left
I have to look
See what I am unable to do
How come
I can’t be done with this
Each time it not as bad
But I’m so tired
Of this place
It is dark and unforgiving
It is dirty with my thoughts
Thoughts of revenge
Thoughts of injustices
Thoughts of unworthiness
Yet I can’t seem to let them all go
Somehow I hold on to
These tiny shards of un-forgiveness
Small when looking at the bigger picture
Then I have to accept my blame
Where am I wrong in this
How did I mess up?
Will my guilt subside?
Not sure what is more painful
The un-forgiveness
Or the hurt of not feeling accepted
All I wanted was Love
I gave love but what I receive
That what I have to orgive
It what I receive Lord
Oh Lord Help me to
let these fragments go
These last little fragments of glass
How they cut into my spirit
Letting me know
I wasn’t good enough
I deserve it
I didn’t deserve it
It wasn’t my fault
But I tolerant it
Please Lord helps me
To forgive not only them
But myself also
As I allowed them to convince me
I just was not the same
Not as worthy as the rest
Now I ask please Lit this burden
I know it was a lie
The lie they told
The lie I accepted
Forgive me Lord
Help me to find the final peace
To forgive them
And forgive myself for even believing
The Lie that I
Being a child of yours
Was worth less than
Anything else

Lynn Higgs 07/14/2009