Sharing my triggers

poem about someone who deliberating did things to trigger a PTSD episode

Sharing my triggers

Friends in disguise

Sharing their pain

Even if it was not true

Believe it

Wanted to offer comfort

Just a trick

Letting me know what you were going to do

Sorry to disappoint

Did not lose my mind

I’m a survivor

So I told you my triggers when you asked

Thinking you would be conscientious and

Seek not to set the swirl of emotional angst I experience from them

You did the opposite

Deliberating doing those things to

Set the swirl of angst

Even recruiting others in the game

You played

While you and others laugh

As the shaken began

I ran to hide the shaking

Then you continue

With gaslighting

And including others

Telling people things

While telling me not to say anything

Remain silent

Realizing your actions were

Manifestation of your pain

Not wanting to cause more pain

You continue

Taking credit for

Things you did not do

Things I did

Thought oh you

Were just showing your own self-value

While I went from one to another

Trying to calm the storm

You insisted on bringing up

Dealing with the lies you told

I found myself value

Even more worthy than I thought

Sat in my car crying screaming

For moments of peace

They came

So I could face you again

I did not go to anyone to tell

As you said they were your friends

And would protect you against anything

I did not go as I did not want them to think badly of you

Until you recruited them

It did not work

I’m still sane

Still standing

I overcame

Those triggers you enacted

Well they are not as intense now

I learn my self worth

To understand

How I should be treated.

So I guess in the end

Should thank -you

Not for the evil you portrayed

But for the lessons I learn

From overcoming the evil.