Bracing Myself

A Poem by Lynn Higgs

a poem about having to face an abuser

No more ready for his approach

Not this week

the anger came back

need more time to prepare

hold myself back

Scared of what i may say or do

worst what if he comes too close

please don't let him get close to me

looking at him is making me sick

don't want to think of all

the thoughts of anger

oh how i hate this anger

that is trap in my heart

pain of the anger

driving my attitudes

Need to get over all of it

but this week was hard

all the past coming back

Just let the anger

flow with the tears

not enough time only a few days

can't seem to let go of the fear

or the sickness in my stomach

i need to brace myself

just a few hours

than i can leave

but how do i hold all of this in

when all of its been coming out t

hroughout the week n

eed more time to

be able to hide the hestatiON

SO I DON'T RUN

OR TO STOP MY MOUTH FROM

SAYING WHAT I FEEL

DEEP INSIDE THE ANGER SEEPING OUT

NeeD MORE THAN A FEW DAYS

Maybe a week or a month

never feel this saga will end or dissipate

i was so believing all of this was over

but the anger comes to the top again

reminder of things that occurred

march to the forefroont of my mind

taunting me telling me

I'm not worthy

just hide

just hide from the world

the open wound

that's refusing to heal

Just a little more time

to brace myself

that all i need to face

the one who tortured my being

made me scared to be me

had me question the very reason i was here

now i;m trying to come back

the anger return this week again

hate it hate it the anger in my heart is like

an acid working it way to the top

burning the path it travels

i need only a little more time this time

to brace myself

so i don't let other see my

shame for allowing it

my fear he might

do something again

or worst that i might not

refrain me from exposing

the anger i feel inside

I just need to brace myself

Hope i can in time

Lynn Higgs