Split

Split

A Poem by Lynn Higgs

 

 SPLIT

 

Being Split with the memory

That came back so innocently

 stood there looking at my arms

 just wanting to cut on them

And see the blood spill

 Feeling the pain and desperation

Of the helplessness of a child

 feeling all the emotions from long ago

 wanted to scream NOOOOOOOOOOO

 I am past this

left that behind

 why now why

after all I walk through

 to come back now

a memory so long forgotten

 what cause this

 was all the work of the for nothing

just to bring me to this point

  the nightmare  from childhood

joy of being me slowly deteriorating

 as the emotions experiences flashed before my eyes

 

 I felt that little girl’s pain today

 wanted to cut to feel alive

 just cut  release some of the pain inside

 just cut it will stop the feeling of sadness

 this desire to not be here

for no one to know of the emotional pain

 maybe maybe maybe I will bleed into nonexistence

NOOOOOOOOOO

 need to fight this

 I feel the woman I have become

  Must remember the Joy of being alive

 NOOOOOO  do I need to go back there

 two distinct emotions spilling out

 feeling the little girl crying out

 feeling the woman saying no

 you’re worth so much more

 nooo they can't do this no more

 nooooo you’re not helpless

 staggering from the roller coaster effect it’s having

 I grasp for reality

 Feeling energy increasing

 not sure if it is the good energy or the bad

 scare what I will do

fighting for all I have

 all I work for

 Fighting because I feel the woman

I am not

 Not that child

 that came out of the shadows to haunt me

 to make me remember those  emotions

 show me the reasons why

answering all the whys now

wanting to just cut cut cut

 relieve the pain

 but the woman inside says noooooo

 come too far too far

 To go back to that

  Life is worth the trying

 this life this trying is too precious

 to let the memories from the past

come and destroy the everything I have found

 the reason to want to live

 theres too much good

 to let the little girl have her way

 I will experience her pain

and let it meet

the Happiness of the woman

that has overcome the  hurt frighten child inside