Random mind gone mad

Describes the left and right side of a brain who's equal heart is broken in half.

Random mind gone mad

 

I see how happy you are now things are working out so thus far for you

The way you talk I wonder if you would even want another kid

By someone that wouldn’t treat you the way you’re soon to be did

Since theirs no love between us

I have no reason to hold you back

Because in reality I probably won’t even have

What my mom even in heaven would be waiting for which I lack

The more im with you

Im beginning to feel as if you’re a just a rebound to slowly repair a broken

Heart

When you hold me at night

I wonder are you holding you’re soon to be

When you kiss me at night behind closed doors

I wonder are you wishing you were kissing your soon to be in the dark

In public

When you constantly question whether I would go back to my old ways

Or just talk about the guys I talk too

So you can step up to the plate

Is it because you’re soon to be made you feel as if you weren’t good enough

So im getting the questions just so you could prepare yourself

I know that s**t must be rough

I will admit

When I lay my head down alone or when im with you

I think of her

When I drive by her old place

To pick up my mentee

As much as I deny it

I miss seeing her face and connecting with her family

I wish we could talk

I say to myself

But in reality

A friend mentioned her name

I pretended I didn’t even know who she was

Nor was she ever part of my destiny

Inside the pain was too deep

If I were to talk about her I would just cry

In my f*****g sleep

So I buried every memory I had with her

6 feet under

So she could explain to my Mother

How much she hurt me in order to be with another

And nobody knows the truth except her and I

Lies, fakeism, facebook, twitter innuendos and covering things under the table

Is how we both live our separate lives

Just like I was pushed aside

What makes you think

When the soon to be comes to her senses

She won’t want you back

And turn your indecisiveness to reassurance she herself once tried to hide

Now…where will I stand

I would be right back where I left off

That’s what im afraid of

This time I will walk away without anyone demand

I won’t even try to talk about it

I will just disappear

Cause you cant change what’s not meant to be

I don’t have anything for you to make you choose

You’re soon to be over me

Yeah behind the smiles

I cry inside

Yeah behind the jokes

I wish it was her I was joking with

Yeah behind the talks of being a strong woman

And not wanting anyone to do or give me anything

Is a little girl

Just waiting to be held by her Mom and Dad

 

This story about a Random mind that’s gone mad

 

© Dyanna Pappalardo

PoetiqueSoul Publishings 10/28/11