~Falling Apart at the Seams~

I am tearing and falling apart at the seams...

[[IMG]http://i253.photobucket.com/albums/hh75/shanty242/Broken_heart_by_fabu.jpg[/IMG]
~Falling Apart at the Seams~

I�m tearing and falling apart at the seams
Giving up and casting away all of my dreams
Crying out and weeping till my tears run dry
I hang my head and watch the world pass me by
Seeing you around breaks my heart in two
A beautiful woman on your arm walking next to you
My pulse races as our eyes start to meet
Standing and staring as you pass me on the street
Seconds go by and I have to tell myself to breath
My hearts in my stomach as I watch you leave
Vivid flashbacks flow through my mind
Our perfect love frozen and stuck in time
I Dial your number just to hear your voice mail
But when a woman answers I hang up and bail,
Making my already fragile heart break once more
My body gives way and crumbles to the floor
Why is it so easy for you to just walk right by?
Without painful memories or one tear in your eye
I build myself back up and start to repair
But my whole being shifts with just your stare
Why can�t I get over you and realize that you�re gone
I�ll just have to except that I�m destined to walk alone...

Author's Note

Your honest opinion is always valued..thanks for the read..

Reviews

[Rod Zinkel]

This is one case where I don't think rhyme is necessary, or may even detract from the point. When rhyme is used it brings order to the subject that prose does not. While we all order our thoughts to some extent to write, the subject is one that causes disorder. So, something to think about.

[Charles D. Moorer]

You felt the need to rhyme every line. Some of it sounds forced. That is the problem when you work with rhyme schemes: AA BB CC DD EE FF. This poem strikes me as one that would have been better written as a prose poem. But that being said, the sentiment comes through and your pain real. I like the emotion that comes through.

[ah]

this is one of my favorites. you paint the picture greatly along with showing us your emotions. thank you very much for sharing.

[blkberry4u]

That was very heart felt and something we all deal with in a lifetime(some more times than others). Time heals all wounds, writing gives comfort. Keep up the good work. Nice piece.

[The Archangel Gabriel]

Very nice. You do a wonderful job of summing up the agony of being left in somebody else's dust.

I like what Rod Zinkel said about rhyme. In this particular case, I do find it to be a bit distracting. I would not call it the "Kiss of Death," but I keep expecting the next line to be "There once was a man from the Hague..."

Nicely penned.

-Gabe

[mysticgmekeepr]

Oh you are far too young and beautiful to be destined to walk alone, but it feels that way . Everything is temporary. We can't see around the bend in the river, but its just as likely that joy waits for us there as it is that sorrow sits waiting. We get our share of both in a lifetime, and it ends up being about balance and harmony.
Its a painful experience you are describing here. Women and men are just built differently, we feel that s**t, they can just walk on by with another woman on their arm and not even remember we exist.

[Asha Raphael]

this is so intense sweetie . . amazing!

[Steve Thompson]

Very nice, the piece had a good rhyme collection, "Why is it so easy for you to just walk right by?"
This is a very true point in all things with men and women, the act that someone else can seem not to care. It can travel with your mind where ever you go, thanks for the request :)

[S.E. Conway]

wow...powerful..

[Sparrow]

You took me along for the ride. It was a trip down a very painful memory lane. Great job at drawing the reader in and keeping up the momentum as the story rolled along inside the poem. I also wanted to commend you for doing a great job on the rhyme scheme! It was perfection, you barely notice it but it also give an extra poetic quality. It's perfect for complimenting and not detracting (heaven knows I'm terrible at composing anything rhyming). Wonderful job on the poem altogether. I can't wait to read some of your others as soon as possible.

Keep writing from the soul,
Sparrow

P.S.
I think you meant "breathe" not "breath" right there at the beginning.

[Sally Edwards]

Very powerful and so full of the agony of accepting that the person we still love deeply has moved on so easily without a second thought. I can relate to this having been there, I think the hardest part is how they seem to not care one bit for the one nursing a broken heart. You captured the feelings beautifully and made me cry for my lost love......