An Apology to Myself

I owe the only person i should always be able to count on an apology. I have not been kind. I will change that

im sorry
im sorry i get so involved in people
im sorry i get so attached to people so quickly
im sorry i let someone become our everything
im sorry that i keep finding comfort and home inside someone else instead of ourself

im sorry on nights like these you want to crawl out of your own skin and be anybody else
im sorry on nights like these that you want to runaway
but thats what you do when you dont have a home right? You run away

Im sorry i always taught you to fight and flight instead love and stay
Im sorry its etched into our stained glass to not trust anybody.
Im sorry we live by "secrets are safer"
I only ever wanted to protect you

Im sorry i never taught you how to trust and love
im sorry you look into people for comfort now
Im sorry i didnt protect you.
im sorry you dont know what to do with yourself anymore.
im sorry you feel worthless
im sorry about the history of a million men
Im sorry that all you have going for you is your looks
Im sorry you dont even like your looks
Im sorry its been so much worse than i could describe
im sorry i cant let you open up to people
im sorry that you just now have to learn who is real and fake
im sorry i made everyone unsafe

I only tried to protect you
Im sorry i do not love you.
Im working as hard as i can, to come back to you.
To be home.

Author's Note

ignore grammar errors.
quick poem written in a rush of panic and sorrow.

Reviews

[a112yearoldman]

A very heartfelt piece, introspective to the max from a very deep place within. With a little bit of love for yourself, this would be all made better!