Invisibly She's Dying

This one's a bit unfinished I think

Broken girl in a severed world

Trying to find her way in life

She keeps facing the same problems

Over and over again

Just can't seem to find

The right way out

Doesn't know who to trust

Or who it is she wants to love

She can't get out of the storm she calls home

Will they never stop hurting her?

When will they see the truth

The secrets she keeps are killing her

Every day she loses more and more

Of herself in her problems

Reviews

[Liam]

I really don't like this. I am sorry. However you can you this idea and establish a rhyme scheme and a beat and a more power statement of the same idea. I just feel that you took an interesting problem and made it boring