You Do Not Know Because

You do not know

because you are sleeping,

after my excuses for smoking a cigarette

in the one a.m. silences and perfect pre-dawn dark

when i return to bed

with the only lumination from a movie-sized

television screen (with a poker tournament on ESPN showing)

and a green lava lamp, clotting at the top,

as well as a color-shifting orb for a night light,

how i would role-play

with the last,

mimicking that i am wielding magic,

often making fantasy-wishes

offering the rest of my days to endless employment

to unknown powers of deities

"make my world easier to breathe"... i cast

seeming to feel more of a prayer.

 

you do not know

because you are snoring,

when i return from my street-side stoop

having written crappy poetry,

to our bed sunken at one corner

due to the weight of our splendors

of sex and afterhours glowing--motif of men

in a ministry of masculine musings

how i languish for more

than phastasms of pornographic plush...

 

you do not know

because you are dreaming,

after i am enveloped by emasculating emotions

in our bathroom, weeping with the porcelain and hopeless

as i wipe away my frailty so you don't see,

to return to six down pillows' soft privileges

Target bought egyptian red sheets

silken to the touch, kicked to cover only your feet,

as you lay on your side

your position of nightly habit,

a silent invitation to scratch your back

run my fingers on your skin, beautiful bulk

on arms, thighs, and sometimes chest

where your heart is beating relaxedly...

 

you do not know

because you are in REM states,

how i watch you sleeping

peacefully overcome,

your skin is glowing in the dark,

that i have memorized your breathing

and wrap my selfish arms about

you   do not know

because of hard slumber's worship

how i whisper

to your ear

my unending, dying love

above all things it is you i hold dearest

my turtledove...