Fucked Up!

written 10-21-08. .....a suicide note.....of sorts....

Why can’t i talk to him?

So what if he isn’t who he says?

i don’t care!

so what?

 yeah

           i’m fucked up!

i love

            when he says

“i love you”

                       whether it’s true

               or not

because i am just

         that fucked up!

and i don’t care!

          i say i love him

whether i do

                       or not

i say it

            because

i want to

                   i want to love

and be loved

         i want someone to give a f**k        because

i’m human...

                     because i am

Fucked up...

                    like you

because we’re all

          FUCKED UP

sorry mother

          sorry father

yeah i swear

   because i’m angry

because i don’t care anymore

               I just want OUT

                                               ARE YOU LISTENING!?!

i want this all to end!

i want to be happy again

to be whole again

i...want to be aloud to hear the words “I love you, I’m always here, I’ll never leave you, I promise....”

‘cause i’m just so

FUCKED UP

and i’m so sorry

i was never enough

never enough for you

never enough for me

i can’t take this!

 

Don’t you worry

    i won’t bother you anymore

 i’ll leave you all behind

YOU CAN TRY AND PICK UP THE PIECES

    of my life

     i never could

      quite figure out

see if you can find

       why I was left with this

              a bullet and a gun

NO WAY OUT
But a pistol in my mouth

and you ask your God

WHY!?!

see if he’ll answer you,

he never could answer me

   See if he’ll tell you why i was put here why he let me suffer why i was so damn FUCKED UP

    always remember i loved you

  but this world was just too much

  Yeah I’m selfish

     because I’m so

GOD DAMN

          FUCKED UP!

and i’m sorry

and i’m sorry

                        so sorry