Beautifully Afraid

This is about how i feel about my pain, i love my pain. But i hate that i love it, i hate im a addicted to it. It scares me into thinking im going to be this way forever.

They say time heals the heart,

but it gets worse and worse from the very start.

Drowning in thoughts heavier than Earth.

"Maybe i cannot heal, maybe my soul is destroyed for eternity."

I sit alone, beautiful blood pours from my veins.

Beautiful silence surrounds me.

I love the way the pain and the torture buries my mind.

Sending my soul through hell every step at a time.

Tears bursting into flames as I lie on the floor.

Its all such true beauty.

Scaring my mind into the thoughts of kissing razors.

Afraid of the present, afraid of loving my pain.

afraid of the thoughts that could keep me in asylums.

Afraid of my future self.

She wants to destroy me, painfully.

But I cant wait to meet her.

She reminds me of, me.