Rejected

I'm cast out.

From my little world

From where once I blacked out

In my sphere of things no one cares

What I am thinking about

Love is overrated

And I'm unprivileged

As love is like a privilege

Hence most of us abuse it,

And I do not deserve it

For I have been fallacious

To be forgiven and forgotten

I'd like to be loved

But I have always been shoved

By the scars that burn my flesh

With exhausted memories that bleed afresh

You simply care

About nothing but yourself

And like a blunt knife,

I waited for you on the shelf.

You say things that burn a hole in me

You tell me to be

Someone I am not meant to be

You make me see things

No one should ever have to see

Why can't you be more caring

And just love me the way I am

Instead you just sit there staring

Pointing out my mistakes,

Taking me back to my past

And blaming me for how it all began.

Rejected and alone

I look for a home

I knocked on a door

That locked me to the floor.

Then you my father, took me in again.

Only to beat me and put me in pain.

For I deserve to be worthless

In this chained cage I feel hopeless

Having taken my last strike

I'm dying from being alone

My whole life disintegrating,

Into a substantial hole

Drifting into the unfathomed depths

From which cold darkness creeps.

Love is something that I'd love to keep

Then I'd have something to breathe 

And to live...

Author's Note

This is a poem me and my friend, unfathomd, wrote together...

Reviews

[Nina H.]

This so raw and deep. Every line has emotion pouring from it. I can't imagine what you must have gone through. All I can say is that you are here now, you made it this far. I know it's cliched, but hey it's true. This is a great piece. Keep writing and keep fighting. Stay strong!

[Tori Jones]

Thanks for the review...

[Davidgeo]

If you define your life based on other's "love" you will always be incomplete. Love is far above the tit for tat "i deserve this" game. It takes honesty with self first before you even begin to cultivate partner "love" as we know it. This poem engenders the idea that you can't breath without someone else's love... and that's total bullshit. Be yourself, if no one loves that at least you can say you were honest and true to yourself. And if that thought chokes your breath I am sad for you.... you truly lack the ability to be an individual.

This is a very disempowering poem... (and kinda desperate "why can't you be more caring?"... Ugh... Sounds like a whiny teenager).

[Tori Jones]

If that I how you feel, then I should just stop writing.......

[Davidgeo]

Why would how I feel have any bearing on whether you continue to write or not? Are you that dependent on how others feel about you? I imagine this was sarcasm from you but, well, it is something I would expect you to say.

[Tori Jones]

Oh........

[Davidgeo]

Ha... as you like it then. I know critical discourse is above your pay grade, but, you should try it anyway. Or were you just looking for some kind of hug box or echo chamber? Sorry I don't compliment things that don't deserve it, the essence of your message here is meek and weak. Oh....? Yes. Absolutely.

[Tori Jones]

Has anyone ever told you how incredibly nice you are?....

[Ookpik]

I cannot believe you would even consider this to be constructive criticism. Sure you cannot love others before you love the self, your absolutely correct, but that doesn't justify this kind of rude insensitive bullshit. Do you realize your speaking to a thirteen year old girl? Or are you just too caught up in your own ego to think of anything nice to say.

[Ookpik]

Oh great, finger eleven, Annie and scotch. A real artist over here.

[Ookpik]

https://www.google.ca/search?q=Ernest+hemingway+sit+over+a+typewriter+and+bleed&rlz=1C1ASUC_enCA668CA668&espv=2&biw=1904&bih=943&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjf-67_9dHPAhVDzWMKHbJOCm4Q_AUIBigB

[Davidgeo]

You mad, bro?

[Ookpik]

absolutely.

[Davidgeo]

Sucks to be you.... good luck with that.

[Ookpik]

and vice versa.

[Davidgeo]

Good talk champ... Thanks for your comments. It's so cool how you came to save this 'damsel in distress'... because all women need that right? They can't deal with me on their own they need "people" like you. Ha.... you are counter productive and you don't even know it.

[Ookpik]

1) this person is a child, not a damsel. 2) not all women need that 3) my bank account says otherwise.

[Davidgeo]

"my bank account says otherwise. " ahahahahhaahhahhhahahahahha What does that have to do with anything? (so obviously shallow and vain) By the way, it's the internet... as long as I'm not being lewd in a sexual way or sending creepy PM's, it doesn't matter what your age is. If you put content out with the option to get reviewed then.. well, it's the internet man --- complaining the way you are is like having a picnic at the beach and crying when the seagulls show up. I don't think you have a firm grasp on reality... most of you SJW's don't. And to be honest --- NO women needs what you are trying to do... real equality is something I believe in... not that BS social justice warrior crap you are trying to pull here. To be quite frank, it was a sexist thing on your part to say.

[Tori Jones]

Stop being so rude and disrespectful, you creep!

[Davidgeo]

Stop trying to tell me how to interact with people, free speech is a real thing.... got a problem with it? Block me and stop sending me personal messages --- ya creep!!

[Davidgeo]

Seriously though Tori.... stop sending me personal messages, it is kind of creepy. I'm being very serious about that unfortunately.

[Tori Jones]

I don't block people.... And I can say whatever I want, after all this is the internet...

[Tori Jones]

I'm sorry if I scare you, but you are scaring me...And you're also being very rude to my friends, and I don't like that....

[Davidgeo]

So... you can say whatever you want but I can't because it disagrees with your sensibilities? Got it... you're a hypocrite. I want you to publically promise me right now that you will not send me another personal message on this site.... I'm not joking. I'd like to hear you agree to stop doing that.

[Davidgeo]

You really should block me. You're going to get your "friend" into a pissing match he is not intellectual equipped to deal with. Like, you can see that he has very real anger problems right?

[Ookpik]

just block him Tori, to him this is fun, he's just being immature so don't stoop to his level. If he really thought you were creepy he would have blocked you by now himself. He's way out of line and its not your fault.

[Tori Jones]

He does not have any problems, if anyone has any problems it's you...... And I won't promise you anything ever....

[Tori Jones]

I will not block him... I would feel mean...

[Davidgeo]

Ha... I'm out of line? Says the guy trying to financially belittle someone... didn't you tell me to get the "f**k of this site"? Hmmm... how tolerant of you. I have a feeling you think this way about everyone who offends you right?

[Ookpik]

He's a bully, its okay to be mean to bullies.

[Ookpik]

ignoring them makes them furious

[Davidgeo]

So, are you saying you are going to keep sending me weird personal messages? Not cool Tori, not cool. Just know that I won't be opening anything you send me from now on, you might be trying to set me up with something despicable.

[Davidgeo]

hahahahahaha..... yeah, I'm a bully says the guy lording his bank account over someone while telling them to "get the f**k of this site".... yeah... totally, I must be the bully in that scenario. Damn dude, how do you have so little self awareness?

[Tori Jones]

Ok, I won't talk to you ever again.... Have a nice life.....

[Davidgeo]

Ignoring me won't make me furious. That shouldn't be your end game anyway. Told ya Tori, he has anger problems....

[Ookpik]

no just get the off my page, and try to act like an adult around youth.

[Davidgeo]

Thank you tori, and I will return the favor. But not until your little bully friend stops responding... sorry, that's just how that's going to go until he stops.

[Davidgeo]

"no just get the off my page" you have the power to block me.... I would argue to you - try and act like an adult around youth. How you are going about this is all wrong, you are a really bad example.

[Ookpik]

there you go

[Davidgeo]

You do realize that this isn't your page right? And you do realize that YOU decide the level of my interaction with you. Don't forget now jr.... you came talking s**t to me.

[Lord of mad men]

Everyone needs to act like adults even me and I am seventeen so be a adult and play nice.

[Tori Jones]

Exactly...

[Alice]

well said.

[Davidgeo]

I appreciate the sentiment but it wasn't well said at all ("be a adult and play nice" -- also poorly written. "play nice" is too boring if it's all the time. If you "play nice" and nothing else you miss the opportunity to define yourself under pressure. Look at the dialogue this has created? It may be unpleasant but there is value in it if you look closely. And, you got see how not to respond to criticisms like mine... i.e. - whatever name that dude who tried to brag about his bank account is.

[Lord of mad men]

Sorry I have not slept in two whole days so play nice or don't play at all. Act your age and you may earn some respect form others. Is that better.

[Ookpik]

Wasn't trying to brag. You had simply accused me of being under productive. I responded in turn. Your still playing literary critic and you obviously love attention, so here you go. It is well said, youth does not equate to un-intelligence. So don't belittle people by calling them junior and I wont belittle you by proving how unfortunately flawed your morals are. Lastly I apologize for stirring up an argument. It was not the time or place, so I'm sorry.

[Davidgeo]

And what if I'm not here for "respect"? What if I find great creativity coming from interactions like this?

And look at that!!! Oh boy, what's his name is back!! "You had simply accused me of being under productive" .... hmmmm.... did I? Because I'm pretty sure I didn't mention anything about what you do for a living. Are you projecting some insecurity maybe? Poor kid. Someone's proud of you. Hopefully.

[Davidgeo]

Why are you deleting comments "bank account" kid? Is your anger taking over again?

[Ookpik]

that's fine, if you really just want to argue I have better things to do with my time. Sure I'm insecure, I have a right to be. Your insecurities are reflected by your attitude, there isn't a thing more that needs to be said.

[Davidgeo]

You told me to "get the f**k of the site" and tried to belittle me with your "bank account". Did you really think I wouldn't call you out on that bullshit? Wow... you must get coddled a lot.

[Lord of mad men]

If you not here for respect you want to be heard because in life no one care about you thought or you a ego driven creep that needs to grow up and stop being a tiny little broken person. And fwi that's me being nice. So please refrain from speaking any further. No one cares and don't say me responded shows I do because if I did I would not be so nice. Good day

[Ookpik]

but knowing you your going to try and provoke more, so here it is. This argument is what I had in lieu of breakfast, I over reacted and that's my burden to bare. I am hypocritical, I am flawed, but I at least make an effort to learn from my mistakes, you continue to make yours and the irony is actually readily apparent. Have a nice day sir.

[Lord of mad men]

Both of you just get off of this page and talk in messages. Don't ruin this for people. Tori is a good write show some respect before you look more stupid.

[Davidgeo]

You talk about respect but since you began talking to me you've done nothing but insult me. I don't even know who you are or why you are talking to me to begin with. You just inserted yourself into something because you're angry and you want to tell me to f**k off. And that's fine, but don't hide behind the "respect" thing. Shows how very hypocritical you really are... you just want to lash out... at least be honest about that.

[Lord of mad men]

I am being nice right now. You ate disturbing this page. I am a friend if tori so either show respect or size up little man.

[Lord of mad men]

If you want to be insulted busts ask boy.

[Davidgeo]

"either show respect or size up little man." And there it is.... you little twerps always fall back on threats of violence. Are you familiar with the term social Regressive? Because that's you, you're a Regressive.

[Davidgeo]

"if you want to be insulted busts ask boy"..... um, seriously, why the hell does that mean? I am genuinely confused... is that the new teenage lingo?

[Lord of mad men]

Oh you have such a narrow mine. I don't mean violence. I mean prove your statement. Why would I fight a Neanderthal? Now that's a insult. Sir I am not a twerp. I am far far more serious then you I am not silly. Don't speak unless spoken to. You have not earned my respect so I show you little.

[Alice]

whats the point in supplying him with comments? just let it go it isn't really worth it.

[Lord of mad men]

I have. It slept and I on my phone I mean beast.

[Lord of mad men]

True some one else can feed his ego. Peace out.

[Davidgeo]

Um, that was some really incoherent writing. I noticed you put your IQ score in your "about me" section. Ha... you're so transparent. What were you saying about MY ego again? Maybe you should look at yourself champ.... and then there is this little gem... "don't speak unless spoken to"... underneath it all, you turned out to be kind of a bad person after all on display for all to see. Sucks to be you.

[Davidgeo]

Alice is wise... you should listen to your far more intelligent friend.

[Alice]

lol thanks I suppose

[Lord of mad men]

Sir I am far more then bad. I am one of the worst people ever. Why because I don't care. I could die today no one will miss me. But at least being forgotten mean no one hates you. You need to learn new word old man. That's disrespect. You know nothing of intellect. So please silence.

[Tori Jones]

I would miss you, so please don't die.....

[Davidgeo]

No young man, you need to learn the REAL world. Things aren't what you think they are. When you grow up you can't cry and stamp your feet when people say things you don't want to hear. This is a lesson better learned young.

[Lord of mad men]

Yes for a few days. Maybe a week bit no longer. But as you wish. I will not die if I can stop it. Bit if I die it was not of my own will.

[Davidgeo]

Telling people to shut up is a very childish way to try and win an argument by the way.

[Lord of mad men]

Listen I have been beaten. I have been starved. I have seen the face of death more then once. I have not cryed in years. I ha e seen people die. I have friends that have seen more then you ever could. Come talk when you ha e seen real pain. When you have lost the one thing you thought could not be taken from you. Ripped from you with such force you still feel that pain every day of your worthless life. You have lived I have survived.

[Davidgeo]

Jackass... you're a depressed teenager... I've been to war dick nose... 2 times. You are making a fool of yourself right now.

[Lord of mad men]

I respect you for that. I have had two brothers serve and my dad and mom. You are mad you can't lose your cool in a fight you became blind to what's important.

[Davidgeo]

What does that mean exactly? Because that sounds like some clichéd wanna be a smart guy BS.

What did your 'about me' section say your IQ was?

[Tori Jones]

Leave him alone, don't you have anything better to do with your sad miserable life?

[Davidgeo]

You can block me or stop responding to me. Either one will guarantee me to stop leaving comments here. I am now only responding to your buddies, I don't even think about you at this point.

[Davidgeo]

One of them threatened to fight me.... of course I'm going to respond to that.

[Tori Jones]

Why fight? Haven't you already proven your point?

[Lord of mad men]

Sir I am done fighting with you. I have grown bored of this.

[Davidgeo]

Probably not... but I hope so.

[Davidgeo]

Why do people feel the need to talk s**t and then delete their comments? Have some balls ya bunch of cowards.... own what you say.

[AnayaJ.]

Yes I did but I deleted them later cuz they sounded stupid. Be nice.

[Davidgeo]

Be nice...

[Lord of mad men]

Okay to any one to read this review by river Styx pay him no mind he's just want a fight he is fun to fight with it is amusing. But not worth anytime unless arguing is fun for you but no joy to be had with this one. He has a very limited range of vocabulary and a short fuse.so do not waste you time with him. Just act as if he's not here. He feeds on this. So if he says anything don't pay any mind to his words.

[Ookpik]

Honestly man, he's fine, his vocabulary is fine and he was probably, like me, just having a rough day. Nothing more needs to be said.

[Davidgeo]

I wouldn't think too much of it... but do what you like.

[Lord of mad men]

Um has done this before. I know a few writers that blocked him because he was fighting a d one said he said he like to mess with people. So I was only trying make it so no one else fights with him. Because it is pointless. That is all I am going to say.

[Davidgeo]

You should probably cry about it. Take a look at my original review... try and separate my critique from the person. Focus on the work, stop being petulant children

[Ookpik]

The irony is readily apparent.

[Ookpik]

Let's just call it quits already.

[Davidgeo]

Hilarious.

[AnayaJ.]

Yeah maybe, but I think you should never leave a negative comment on anyone's work. It can literally destroy one's confidence. No offense :)

[Davidgeo]

" but I think you should never leave a negative comment on anyone's work." You live in a fantasy world. You realize how ant-free speech and anti growth that is right? You idiot children and your pathetic need to be coddled... it's so sad. Reality is going to be a rude awakening for you when mommy and daddy aren't there to call you their precious little snowflake. You're clueless... now, stop posting dumb things on this thread, I already know you're too cowardly to deal with critcisim so why keep inviting it from me? You don't want to have a debate you want to "shame" me for not being blindingly positive about mediocre work - that's pathetic and you're pathetic. Now go away.

[Davidgeo]

And since you just want to whinge and whine like a petulant child I have to imagine that the threatening private messages will be coming next, like your buddy Aaron S M Burgess... it's the social justice warrior go to - accuse and threaten harm... but not in public, only in private. Cowards.... I don't enjoy blocking people but... you children have no substance anyway, think I'll be okay with this one.

[Davidgeo]

And you're welcome for all the attention Tori.... I told you it would get you more views then you originally thought. I was worried that I would piss off some good people but you were right... those kids are idiots.

[Lorne Blaine]

Despite not knowing you and not knowing what you've been through, what has got me through paranoia, or socialphobia, was embracing my imperfections and idiosyncracies and looking at those who did like it and tossed aside those who didn't. Being who you are is staying close to those who love you (a friend or a girl) and reject those who don't and admiting that yes you are not perfect. That's what I did when I was resigned to believe that I was alone when there were people around me that I didn't see because I never looked at the present, I always looked at the past and looked at the things that I had lost and those that I hated and those who betrayed me. If you wish to find love now, in the present, I wouldn't look back in the past, even though, I know, trust me, it's not an easy thing to do... But, if the burden is too heavy, then, ask for help. I hope I didn't just blabber and actually helped you if you're still going through what you wrote here.

[Tori Jones]

Thank you, your words are very kind and encouraging...

[Lorne Blaine]

You're welcome. :)

[Jackie]

Betrayal is a overtly despicable thing. I can only hope you find love ans comfort again this time for good:-)

[The Exiled Wolf]

Hey Tori... I'm sorry for your sad story, that you got betrayed again and again... the pain just oozes from the lines... This is a good one though. I hope to understand you more...

[EvaThornburn]

Well Done! It's deep and meaningful and touches one's heart and soul. I look forward to reading more. I know I will love it all. Thanks, so much for sharing. Eva

[unfathomd]

Hello there! umm... well do I really need to give a review? ;) basic structure is yours Tori, its your own story. Thanks for the credit, even though I dunno if i deserve it :) Great write poet :)

[Tori Jones]

I can't lie...You did most of the work....

[Saloni]

You have no idea how amazing this is!
Saying something about this will finish its impact..
You left me speechless!