This Direction

This Direction

When I see

Where we are

Could we be

So far

Forever

This direction

Never clever

No objection

Just believe

All my grieve

Will disappear

And make things clear

Reviews

[Jade]

I like this! It's very short and concise, to the point and easy to read. I'd say it does end rather abruptly but the rhythm you have in each stanza is very enjoyable.

I feel as though even though you wrote this for yourself, it's vague enough that it can be interpreted differently for each individual, which in turn can make it just as personal to the reader.


If I had a criticism I'd say I'd like to see a more fleshed out version that opens up a more obvious story/message, but that is just personal opinion.

Overall, good job!

[PoemWriter]

Cool thanks, I'll work on it. Maybe the next one will be better then...

[PoemWriter]

Hello Jade, I made some changes to the poem. In the second stanza I thought I might rather say:
read moreHello Jade, I made some changes to the poem. In the second stanza I thought I might rather say:

Forever
This direction
Never clever
No objection

And I changed the ending to be:

To believe
That this grieve
Can disappear
Can make it clear

Do you think it should still be longer than 3 stanzas?

[SZHZIA]

It is very thoughtful writing in very short line with simple words. It is filled with true emotions from a emotional lover/beloved. Good. Keep writing. I want more from you. :-)

Best
Szhzia