"Boundaries"

Lake puts himself in a situation that reveals to him the true nature of the world he lives.

The wood line spooked the other villagers, but I often wondered what stood behind it. The Altum commanded us all and forbade us from entering its depths. I often wondered what he hid, what secrets he kept from us, just as his father before him had done. But I kept secrets myself, as did everyone around me.

My Form of Labor, or FOL, kept me dehydrated throughout the day. Our government system severely divided us among the abilities we possessed, the gifts we were born with, and I possessed no gifts of my own to assist me with life's hardships.

In the following weeks the Stella Festival would come and pass, and I watched from the sidelines on my lunch break as the construction neared its end for the brand new stadium. I ate small helpings of bread and cheese that day, because I budgeted the rest of my funds for water. Unless it rained, that was most days.

Garrin said "Lake, hurry to eat. We will be late again."

I ripped a corner from the loaf. "You tell me that everyday."

"We'll be reported to the Altum if you keep this up, and I don't want to be whipped."

Hammers smacked in unparalleled rhythms. "I've been watching them build this for months. I want to see them hammer in the last nail."

Garrin made his way from the porch steps, and hurried down the street. "Don't be late." he said. "I don't want to see you whipped."

"They'll never even notice I'm late." I said to myself as he disappeared into the swamp of lookers who gazed at the most modern piece of architecture our people had ever seen. They constructed it in the field just a short distance from the market. I'm certain there was a second story with additional seating too, but now I could only see the wooden walls and roof.

My chest rose and fell because I doubted I'd ever be allowed in it.

The whistle to the north blew before I could see them hammer the last nail, and I ran.

I found my station in the fields, a barn that could roughly hold 4 horses and a few pigs; but they no longer used it to house farm animals. Instead it kept the corn dry, and we used it for shade during our breaks. As I approached it to drop my satchel, my supervisor appeared before me as if he waited for my arrival.

With his whip dangling on his belt, Minax said "I should have whipped you the first time." He rose his hand, and with a wave the barn doors opened. The eyes of my fellow workers burned into the back of my neck, and I rushed myself into the barn.

Minax followed and with another wave the barn doors slammed. "Lake, my supervisors are watching me. They know I'm letting you slide between my fingers and if the Altum found out I could be hung for it�""

"I apologize. I've been watching them build the new stadium outside of the market. It won't�""

Minax softened his expression under a string of light. He whispered "Howl is watching me. I can't let this go without whipping you."

My limbs went numb and icy, but my neck and cheeks burned as I backed. "It won't happen again, I assure you."

"This is the fifth time in just the last few weeks. They expect us to do it the first time." He drew his whip, and unraveled it. It slivered through the air by his gifts to move objects at will. "Do you not fear it?"

"I do." I backed into a creaky rail, behind it rested a mountain of corn. "Whip the air."

Minax snarled his nose. "What's wrong with you?"

I breathed and said through the grit of my teeth "Crack it right now. I can play this."

Minax cracked the whip, and I yelled.

Minax threw his head back. "You're the reason we even have to have a system, you know that?" He came through. "That wasn't pleasing. The second whip you need to scream louder."

I nodded with wide eyes as he cracked it again, and my voice cracked out with it. "How many do I get?"

"The law is three, so make this one sound agonizing."

Minax's whip broke the air again, and it was over.

"What about the blood?" I asked with trembles. "They're gonna expect blood."

Minax pulled out a silver blade from his boot and turned me around without touching me. He pulled up my shirt, and cut a slit just below my shoulder blade. I bit my lip but I knew that the pain was nothing comparable to the true ferocity of the whip. Just as I turned the wetness already began to stream down my backside.

"I won't tell�""

"You can't tell or they could hang us both for defying the law."

"It won't happen again."

"It best not."

Minax flicked his fingers as the barn doors opened to a slaughter of brightness. "Make it look believable."

I wrapped my arm around my waist, and crooked my posture as I stumbled out the doors. With a wheel barrel in hand, Garrin peered at me solemnly and turned his head. No one else spoke to me for the remainder of the evening, and I also chose to keep it that way. Those who I've seen whipped don't speak for days, and they have trouble working after that.

Minax did more for me than most did. He sympathized with me, because human blood ran through my veins and my sister kept to herself for years after my parents passed. I didn't blame my sister however. I remembered my parents well, but I wasn't attached to them like I probably should have been. I watched my sister over the years turn back into herself as slowly as paint erodes from cement. And even now, the flakes of my parents' deaths are still there. Just as everyone in the fields around me began to go home, Minax grabbed my arm and pulled my ear. "Wait for everyone to leave. You should look slower and more shameful than everyone else."

I had almost forgotten about the whipping by the end of the day, and mentally thanked him for reminding me. I'd need to act hurt for the following days as well.

The Stella's to the east and west began to set, and I knew then that I needed to leave. A strict curfew fell just when the rims of the stars could no longer be seen, and everyone had to remain indoors. With no one to be heard or seen, I fled the fields to hurry home, but just as I passed the barn Minax stood at its corner. His wiry hair rolled across his face in the wind. He watched me as I walked, and as I neared something felt wrong.

A hand fell onto my shoulder. I turned with little alarm at first, but Howl, Minax's supervisor, urged me with a nudge to keep moving. His eyes never left Minax either.

(To be continued)

Author's Note

If you see anything, just point it out anyway. I've not edited this piece in any way, so it'll be nice to know what I need to go ahead and fix before I fix it. Thank you so much for reading.

Reviews

[TL Boehm]

a slaughter of brightness - that is a gem of a description.

[Bear]

Critique: (Garrin said "Lake, hurry to eat. We will be late again) hurry to eat? not sure what you mean by "to eat" as you have it written, "hurry and eat".
(I ripped a corner from the loaf. "You tell me that everyday.") "every day" is an adverbial phrase that means each day or daily.
(My chest rose and fell because I doubted I'd ever be allowed in it) allowed into it
(be hung for it"") & ( It won't"") & ("I won't tell"") "" why the second "?
You need to identify who is speaking each time, as you have it written now all these lines were spoken by the same person.
"I won't tell""
"You can't tell or they could hang us both for defying the law."
"It won't happen again."
"It best not."

Review: Intriguing start, your characters have already developed enough identity for your readers to empathise with them. Your story line hints just enough to keep readers interested and I can see where a few different plot lines could be played to add either mystery and or suspense. This does everything you want a first chapter to do, 1. it introduces the characters 2. it establishes plot 3. it peaks enough interest to draw your readers into want to read more. Now you can weave your storyline into the mix and see how well your readers like it, good job :~)

[areawakening]

" I watched my sister over the years turn back into herself as slowly as paint erodes from cement. And even now, the flakes of my parents' deaths are still there." Fantastic line. Interested to see where this goes.