Chapter 3

His first game is on Friday 3 weeks after tryouts and he just knows that he is going to regret it. But that day he doesn’t care about the future just the game. Ryan feels sweat dripping off his hair, and the fire in his chest because he is weak. He scores 12 points the first 8 minutes he is in. But coach sees him fading. But Ryan insists he is alright, that he can keep going, even if his chest was burning.

It is 2 weeks later when the truth comes out. When Coach Sanders keeps him after practice. “Sails! Come here!” he yells across the crowded locker room. Ryan is in a frenzy, had coach found out? Did his mother tell the school? But still Ryan walks into the office hoping to god that Coach wasn’t about to tell him that he couldn’t play. “Listen, are you alright?”

“Yea why?” Coach doesn’t buy a syllable of that.

“You have bruises everywhere, don’t think I don’t see it, they are hard to miss, you look like you are gonna pass out after running the court once and most importantly you miss practice almost 2 times a  week every week” Ryan is about to lie but sees the don’t-mess-with-me glare on his coach’s face and can’t.

“I’m sick, like really, hospital kind of sick” that really hurt to say, he hadn’t actually said out loud yet, to anyone not even his mom. The coach looked confused. “I’m not joking, or exaggerating, I am actually sick” he wants to stop himself, but the words keep falling out of his mouth without his consent. “I have cancer” that’s when Coach Sanders flinches.

There are a few moments of awkward silence before anything is said between either of them “I’m sorry Ryan” Ryan thinks he knows what is coming, he was being kicked off the team, it was inevitable. “Does anyone know but me and your family?”

Ryan is taken aback at this “no, just you and my mom, no one else.”

“I’m sorry” the older man adds

“Don’t be” the boy looks up at the sorrowful man “I’m sorry doesn’t change what is happening. And before you say it, I know I can’t play anymore, I’ve known since tryouts that it wouldn’t last, it was fun while it lasted”

“Why didn’t you tell me? You could have been seriously hurt out there.” Ryan nobs and apologizes. The next day he brings in his jersey and leaves the office, empty handed. The only good thing that came out of it was a promise, the coach had promised not to tell anyone, of course he had to tell the school it was his job. But he wouldn’t tell his team mates or friends. In fact he told everyone Ryan had to leave the team because he had reached his tardy capacity and the school wasn’t legally allowed to let him participate. This of course was a made up rule, but everyone believed it. For once Ryan had someone to talk too. His mom had checked out a few weeks ago for the most part. But coach was good about listening to him.

Most days they didn’t talk about dying or cancer, mostly they talked about sports and school and it felt good to be open with someone even if that someone is the 30 years older than him. Somehow the flames all around he don’t seem to hurt as much now.