'Lenore Revisited'

She came to me again last eve...

~Lenore, Revisited~

O'er satin veil, silk horizons mists, he sat there, unabashed ~

whilst light seeped in, yon sunlight kissed black eyes, so darkly vast.

Awakened from my slumber deep, fighting back an urge to bolt,

that he'd eyed me whilst immersed in sleep ~ it gave me quite a jolt!

“Oh raven, no Lenore lives here, she is now no more than dust...”

Yet, he looked on, showing no fear, as if my voice, he didn't trust.

“Away, you wretched creature " go " now join the vaunted murder!

I've nothing for you anyhow, I'll put up with you no further.”

“Oh, harbinger of sorrow, your presence darkens up my room.

Begone ~do not return tomorrow ~for you fill my life with gloom.”

Tho' Raven never wavered, I could only help but wonder,

my misery, did he savor, as it set my world asunder?

It's eyes ~an ebony onyx, deep ~rolled back into it's head.

Making no sound, nary a peep, it flew down upon my bed.

“Why do you torment me so, I'm just a man, and nothing more,

I know your creed, please, I plead” ~when, from my grasp it tore...

...a parchment, crumpled, in quivering hand, grasped within my fist,

written whilst I slumbered, as my quill the sandman surely kissed.

'Lenore Revisited ' 'twas all it said, as the raven turned to go,

taking flight from my cozy bed, it cawed a note ~so low

“Nevermore”...I swore it cried, as I arose from off the bed,

when on yon windowsill I spied, there shriveled, dried and dead...

 A single black rose, near turned to dust, fresh dirt upon the floor,

my senses froze, for there in dirt was scrawled one single word...

“Lenore...”

Author's Note

I read way too much poetry now apparently, thanks to Writer's Cafe. Last night, I'd fallen asleep as I was rereading and studying the intricate structures of Edgar Allen Poe's classic poem, “The Raven.” I'd had a dream, a dream which remained vividly ingrained in my brain, as I awoke with a start at 4:55 am....Lenore, tattered and dirty, covered in fresh dirt from the grave, came through my window holding a single black rose. How I knew it to be the Lenore, the subject of Poe's desire in the poem, I am not sure. However, I did know this, and it terrified me. She spoke/whispered just one word to me, and I gather from the poem you've just so graciously read, you now know what that word was, and that it affected me deeply. Please, don't make me repeat it...

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

In my personal opinion, the lines could use some slight tightening, cutting out rambling speech... but that is probably more due to my taste in literature. My favourite writer is Franz Kadka, which while him and Poe both had a bit of a rambling style... the way they approached it was very different. Poe seemed to be more about building a lingering atmosphere with his words, in which meaning was subverted by the 'sensation' of less purposeful words... while Kafka was more about giving the wandering feeling of surreal absurdity, losing its purpose as the words flowed to a cutting crescendo. I don't know if that even makes sense... >_> Anyway, it should actually be pretty apparent if one was to compare even our styles; we are both rather wordy individuals, both eloquent in our own ways. But in my mind, there are subtle differences in how we approach syntax, and the way we try to express our 'purpose'. So I am hardly asserting that 'my way' is right; since you are clearly emulating a different style than mine. By the way, my favourite work by Poe is "A Cask of Amontillado". Anyway, beyond the tightening of lines, my main advice would be in regards to presentation. Drop the font down one size, since its current form is making the lines present weird (at least on my screen), and then get your punctuation to be more consistent (namely quotation marks). These two things should help the poem's aesthetic appearance, which in turn should help the poem itself feel more strongly. I especially enjoyed your final stanza; brilliant stuff there! It is obvious the power your lines can carry when you have a deliberate goal and purpose within them; essentially I am saying that it seems that you had more clearly imagined this stanza, and it shows in the purposeful flow of words to that final line. Ummm, I noticed the repetition of single in that last stanza, perhaps change 'single black rose' to 'lonely black rose'

[PloughBoy]

Thanks again, Nusquam, for yet another detailed review. Yes, you're absolutely correct, each and every one of us has a different and unique style all our own. As for your suggestions, I will try and implement some of them, but unfortunately, I cannot change the font size, the editor won't allow it, and it is probably due t the type of scrip font I used in the original I have saved to my hard drive.

The repetition of the black rose was intentional, and a significant aspect of the dream. Hence, the repetitive, seemingly redundant wording.

My personal favorite work by Poe is, quite obviously, The Raven. I've read and studied it literally hundreds of times. It never fails to get a chill from me each and every time.

Thanks again for the fantastic feedback, Nusquam. I deeply appreciate it! :)

[Nusquam Esse]

Yep, I didn't really go into meter or anything, since this one seemed to hover around 7-7, so I figured that you had already gone over the meter and tweaked it to your liking. And yeah, I could tell that the Raven was your favourite.

[Nusquam Esse]

As a writer of Horror, have you read Rashomon by Ryuunosuke Akutagawa? I find that as a writer I am primarily influenced by Eastern European (German, Polish, Czech, Russian) and Japanese literature. To be fair, I read Rashomon in its original Japanese, with its beautiful and morbid words which have faded with the passing era (I love Pre-WWII Japanese), but even translated, I think you would enjoy it.

[PloughBoy]

Thanks for the tip, Nusquam. I will definitely check that one out. My biggest influences pertaining to writing a far different than yours. Growing up, I was extremely fond of those old EC comics, Vault of Horror, and Tales from the Crypt. When I hit my teens, I subscribed to Heavy Metal magazine, Twilight Zone magazine (where I've been published twice, once in '82, and again in '86, respectively), and CREEPY and EERIE magazines. As far as authors go, George RR Martin, Stephen King, Robert Bloch, Dean Koontz and Clive Barker have probably been my biggest influences. I also like a great deal of Lord Alfred Taylor's and James Whitcomb Riley who wrote that American poetry classic, Little Orphant Annie.

[Nusquam Esse]

Hah! I would say you have very different influences! Speaking of metal... one of my greatest influences is actually Black Metal, just the unrelenting riffs and blast beats, the screams, and at times the lyrics... they all give a certain ambiance which I doubt I could muster with words alone. I honestly listen to black metal almost every time I am writing; my last work was done while listening to Forest of Fog -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GexKlJugUs (note, I do not expect you to listen to, or enjoy it; I am all too aware of how inaccessible the stuff is for most people). I couldn't help but chuckle, since you were being published before I was even born! Hah! No wonder you are so good; I have maybe two or three years of writing on my belt, it certainly pales in comparison.

[PloughBoy]

Ha ha, yeah, I've been around on planet earth since 1960, so I've seen a few things. I have been writing since I was ten, 44 years worth. That's a lot of experience on which to draw from.

I have some black metal, of the industrialization variety, attached to my post apocalyptic poem, Silent Sentinels. I happen to enjoy speed metal, and black metal quite a bit.

[Nusquam Esse]

hmmm, that music reminds me of a band called Scorngrain, if a bit more over the top in its industrial elements. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtSCwmgpsqM I don't really know anyone else who listens to the type of music I do; so I get used to people have no interest in it. :)

[PloughBoy]

I happen to love it. I frequently listen to music or television as I write. I find it hard to write in complete silence. The background noise creates sort of a soothing beat for me, and the words come much easier. I know that's the antithesis of the ways in which most writers go about writing, but it works for me.

[Nusquam Esse]

yep, I can relate all too well. Complex music gives most people headaches, and makes it impossible to think, but to me, it helps the words flow. And it makes it easier to make a consistent mood across a piece.

[PloughBoy]

Precisely.

[Eliza Mae]

I definitely sense Poe among these lines, woven like silk in tested time! Even the thought of Lenore being revisited is genius.. Thank you for sharing such a wonderfully constructed poem! Bravo!

[PloughBoy]

Thank you for taking time out to read and review it for me, Eliza. So sorry for the lengthy delay in responding. I sincerely appreciate your kind comments. :}

[Shapirta]

wow. blown away. did not expect it would be that good. (sorry about being judgmental about the picture!)

[PloughBoy]

No worries, Shapirta, and thank you for your kind comments and thoughtful review. It is appreciated. :)

[Marie]

THis is quite a good poem. You've got a great rhyming scheme, and I don't think it rambled unnecessarily. It makes a haunting story as well as a poem. Poe was truly one of our great writers.

[PloughBoy]

Thank you very much, Marie, I appreciate it. I have always thought so, too.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

I see you do not perceive to put any doubt in my mind (Poe) he is a favorite of yours...with this ensemble of a write...the style and precision in the verbal tone through the entirety comes into play with the reader and the structure of this work...

[PloughBoy]

Thanks so much for taking the time to read and review this for me, Glen. I sincerely appreciate it, my friend. :)

[Glen Yumang Manese]

you're welcome...

[Rene Salinas]

I can't emphasize how much do I like this. Forget about objectivity and technicalities and any form of contricting impulse. As you certainly have the language it seemed natural for you to go back and once more uphold the image of a moment which will remain as something to behold to live internally. Surely it is still unresolved but the way you presented it does serve as a reminder of a timeless enigma. The narrative held too which is refreshing and invigorating. Am I happy to have you around ? You're damn right I am!

Thankyou

[PloughBoy]

What a wonderful compliment, Rene, I am truly humbled. Am I blushing? Not being accustomed to getting reviews from people I've never met, it does my heart good to know that my poetry speaks to others outside of my own circle of friends and family. Of course, they are always complimentary. But you, my dear friend (if I may consider you a friend?), you do not know me from Adam, and for that reason I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that what you say, you mean.

Thanks so much for your very complimentary review. I'm happy to be here as well. :)

[Ashira Macy]

Holy ghost of Edgar Allen Poe Batman! This was absolutely stunning and I am sure if the master read it he himself would applaud you. Your words are almost from another time it would seem. They are older, more elegant and sophisticated, and really blew me away. I need to revisit Poe's works for sure (I haven't read any of his works in a few years) but this combination of concepts was just seamless, as though they were meant to be.

[PloughBoy]

Ha ha, I loved your opening to this review, Ashira. Shades of Adam West and his sidekick, Robin, the Boy Wonder. That was very good.

As for your review and assessment, I am deeply grateful for your enthusiastic and encouraging words. The Raven, I must have read it, listened to it, and studied it literally hundreds of times, and Poe is clearly my favorite author of all time. His humble beginnings in life are not unlike my own, and I can only aspire to be half the poet and author he was.

Thanks again for an outstanding review. I am humbled, and deeply grateful.

[Ashira Macy]

I had hoped the opening would get a laugh, every once and a while I have to let the geek in me breathe. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful poem, I would not be surprised if you took the gold in this contest (and honestly, I am hoping that you do.)

[Kelly Scheppers]

My dear sir, you've given me quite a chill ~ this is simply exquisite!

My best,
Kelly

[PloughBoy]

Thank you very much, Kelly. I am very pleased that you enjoyed reading my Poe-etic efforts. And, please, call me PloughBoy. All of my dear friends do. :)

[Fran Marie]

This is definitely dark and eerie ...captivating from start to finish...love the black rose turned to near dust ...very chilling and haunting piece here ....good luck to you my friend with the contest...I think you got this one hands down....100 lenores

[PloughBoy]

Oh, not by a long shot Fran. It's quite difficult to guess just how these sorts of contests will pan out, and your poem is wonderfully written as well. I've studied Poe's work quite extensively, yet still have difficulty capturing his essence. That says much about the man, as well as the poet, I would think.

I think you have as good a chance as I to take away a win here. :)

Thanks so much for your awesome review. It is appreciated!

[Fran Marie]

You're so vey welcome