Ending Time

When love is lost sometimes all you can do is accept it

Darkness fell at noon one day

And caught us by surprise.

The mellow moon shone pale

Through a misty haze of yesterdays,

And then we knew, yes, we knew,

That ending time was near.

Lost amid a prattling crowd of sad and hollow souls

We chased the star of happiness,

But lost it in the clouds.

And then we knew, yes, we knew,

That ending time was near.

With nothing left but memories

And nothing shared but pain

We wondered when the giving stopped

And why tomorrow died.

And then we knew, yes, we knew

That ending time was here.

                                               © 2016 Stanley R. Teater

                                                     All rights reserved

Author's Note

I wrote this poem many many years ago when my first wife and I separated. I just recently rediscovered it.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

The below lines are true.
"With nothing left but memories
And nothing shared but pain
We wondered when the giving stopped
And why tomorrow died.
And then we knew, yes, we knew
That ending time was here."
I agree with the above lines. We look back at things gone and learn. Use each day properly. Time is the wealth of men. Thank you Stanley for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[William Liston]

I'm in love with the imagery in this piece ... it really captured the melancholic essence of losing someone you love (or someone who you no longer love). The title fits the content very well ... it gives a hint to the sorrow and painful accepting of reality that lies at the very core of this piece. The first stanza was my favorite, especially the lines "The mellow moon shone pale / Through a misty haze of yesterdays." Those lines kinda created a dream-like feeling, which is an effect that I love to see in a poem. I also admired the flow, alliteration, and assonance in this piece ... it makes this piece poetic and almost musical -- not just prose organized into lines (as many "free-verse" pieces on this site are). On top of that, the visual presentation is nearly perfect. Great job.

If I may critique, I think this piece could benefit from some rewording as well as some different grammatical and punctuational choices. First of all, for the sake of grammatical correctness, I advise you not to capitalize the first word of each line. Grammatically speaking, it's incorrect and unnecessary. I would just capitalize in places where a new sentence begins.

Also, I would change the refrain to "the ending was near" instead of "the ending time was near." It's a common rule in all forms of writing to omit unnecessary words, and in that line, the word "time" is unnecessary. I like to use the following rule: if you can delete a word (or more) without losing the poem's emotional impact, then delete it. Doing this can make your writing more clean and concise.

As far as the grammatical mistakes are concerned, there should be a comma after "yesterdays" in line four. There should also be a comma after "souls" in the seventh line.

Lastly, there's a typo in line nine. It should read as follows: "But lost IT in the clouds."

Hope you found this helpful. Make changes to this poem at your own judgment. I look forward to reading more from you. Keep writing.

- William Liston

[Stanley R. Teater]

Wow. A review that's longer than the poem itself. I'm impressed.

[Stanley R. Teater]

By the way, I'm old school. I was always taught that every line in a poem should be capitalized. That is one thing I won't change. I'm too old to change such a fundamental thing. Your other comments on the other hand, are excellent. Especially the typo in line nine. Oops! I can't believe no one else noticed that. Thank you. It has been changed.

[Stanley R. Teater]

One additional note, I appreciate your sincere, thoughtful comments. Too often on Writers Cafe people are too timid to make serious suggestions. I confess to being guilty of that myself. As far as changing the line from "ending time" to "ending" goes, I do not agree. Read it out loud and listen to it. It just sounds better the way I have it. Keep reading. And keep writing. 15, huh? Wow!

[William Liston]

I was glad to share my opinion with you. Sometimes, I'm afraid to critique peoples works because I don't want to hurt the author's feelings, but people like you who appreciate constructive comments surely make my gamble worth the effort.

[brian]

I really liked this..as I too experienced a similar loss about a year ago. It is heartbreaking, and--like your poem--it happens so abruptly; and as a wall of 'memories' and 'could-haves', it comes and goes..yet, we knew that "ending time" was coming all along..

[Jenny Leigh]

This poem could be used for many different types of losses Stanley. Be it loss through deliberate separation or loss through death. I loved it. A+

[Kami]

Applying your piece to my experiences and dark times brought to mind a loss of innocence and a realization that what is to be will be, no matter how "in control" I falsely seemed. Then reading your note let me see from your perspective, a little more personally, one of your experiences as I re-read your poem. Thank you for sharing.

[Valentine]

Watching my husband's life slip away in that hospital was tormenting. Some things we have no control of. Valentine

[Stanley R. Teater]

Indeed. Thank you for reading my poem.