This Summer

Based on true events.

This summer.  Six weeks of hell.  I had to stay with total strangers who didn't care about me. I had to live with these monsters who would verbally abuse of and neglect me.  The "people" had stolen my father from me.  I had gotten back my awful anxiety.  I now think that there is something more that is wrong with me.

Let's start with the first week.  We'll say the young blonde is named Kate, the 18-year-old is Emily, and the girlfriend is Jo.  I thought it would be great.  I was excited to see my father.  I had to share a room with Kate because the younger ones have to share everything.  Or at least I had to give and not get a single thank you.  Kate had not respected me at all.  She was already spoiled and a huge brat.  They all blamed here being spoiled on her dad, but her mother didn't do anything to stop it.  

I have anxiety and when I get nervous, I tend to have a hyperactive stomach, resulting in me clogging toilets in stressful or new situations.  So that house was already crap.  Everything was falling apart.  So I had used the restroom and Emily went in after me.  She came out and said, "Lyss (We'll keep my name at that) you broke the toilet."  Of course, everyone had assumed that I did because I pooped but that was a lie.  The toilet was old and it was falling apart.  The handle had broken which threw the whole thing off, it wasn't my fault.  But they still wouldn't let it go.  

I didn't really like how they would be so controlling over my life.  I didn't like how Kate and Emily had to be in everyone's business all of the time.  They would make rude comments to me but wouldn't even get a look from my dad or Jo, but the tiniest comment that I would make, they would full blown loose it.  Even Jo would yell at me.  I wasn't allowed to have an opinion.  They would undermine my anxiety attacks.  I had to start writing in a journal so I wouldn't do something horrible.

In this journal that I had started, it only gets worse.  It started with me thinking that I needed space to just wanting to die.  I didn't tell anyone about this journal because they are nosy and would find a way to read it.  I just wanted to get out of that house.  I wasn't my home and it never will be.  We went on this trip.  It was down to a river.  So it was supposed to be an unplug and no wifi.  The funny part was, that they called that camping.  Oh gosh, they are awful.  There were three televisions, a stove, oven, microwave, coffee maker, running water, a fridge, and an air conditioner.  So they found the wifi.  

We were playing a card game outside.  All of us.  I got really bad chafing, so Jo went to the store to get stuff for me.  It was just my dad, my sister, Kate, Emily, and me.  I got set off and all of my feelings got out.  It was something small and stupid like the wifi.  I removed myself.  Everyone came inside, then Jo got there.  I decided to tell my dad, "I think I am having a mental breakdown."  You would think that that would get some attention.  Like I need help.  But instead, Jo says, while laughing, " Oh sweetie.  You're not.  It is just because you are a woman and you feel things." What?  Then please explain to me why you think I want to kill myself.  Why I hate your stupid family.  Why I just can't-do this anymore.  Why I am dreading going back to that house.  Please explain why I have cuts on my wrist.  Please explain everything that you have no f*****g idea about because you are not f*****g me.  Do you get that?  It is not cause I am a woman.  It is because I am now traumatized and I was placed in this toxic situation that I couldn't fight.  I was brought down and tortured by people who might so happen to be my stepfamily one day.  But you will never be my stepfamily.  I hate you and I don't think that will ever change.  

I am not sorry for what I have said in this.  This has really happened.  Names were changed.