Chapter 2: Rearrangement

Will and his family greet Augustus, his sister Mary, and their parents. As the evening goes on, Will notices Augustus doesn't seem to be acting like his usual self.

January

1 January, Yeare of Our Lord Sixteen Hundred And Sixty Six; MDCLXVI

Half-Seven In The Evening

Very excited so far. Augustus and his family came in yester-day! We are starting the new yeare with them. His parents stayed last night. It began when they arrived, around 4 past noon. Everyone seemed so different than before. I think a few years can change a lot by how old you are, or were. It's quite fascinating. I'm sure my uncle knowes all kind of sciences about it. He supports the notion of studying the human body and how it changes, for the sake of medical and scientific discovery, he argues. Such a radical! I don't think people will choose to studye it for very long. But I mustn't digress: at long last, Augustus, Mary-Beth and their parents, Caroline and Richard, came by, quite happy to be here at last. They had started traveling two days ago, having to stop for the snow-ey weather. So, we finally greeted them, and...

Will had come out front with his sisters and parents to greet the other family. The thin, stubborn layer of new snow crunched against his feet, with an unpleasant, sharp sound.

The two brown horses who had been pulling the carriage were happily resting, swishing their dark brown tails, digging at the ground. Servants employed by Will's family came out and paused, waiting for the guests to carefully emerge, one at a time. After they had exited the carriage, the servants took their cue and went on with unloading the luggage, sans a few personal items the family had on hand during their journey.

Once the servants had made their way inside, the activity settled and Will got to see how three years had affected them all. Despite the snow and afternoon darkness he was surprised by many physical changes.

His friends' parents looked about the same--his mother still had her medium brown hair with a hint of curls, fair skin, inviting, gentle green eyes similar to her son's. His father; tall, slightly bearded with black hair and a generally lighthearted expression.

Mary-Beth had grown much since she was seven. She had to have grown at least a foot and a half taller. Her features remained a combination of both her parents. Her father's short black hair, her mother's light complexion, a sweet smile on her small lips.

But he was confused as to why Augustus's changes seemed to stand out. His mind told him that it was the same boy he'd seen only a few years ago, but everything seemed different. He had grown taller just as Mary had, and was leaner.

But Will noticed something he hadn't seen in the others. Augustus had changed emotionally, or at least his mood had. The faraway look on his face made him seem nonchalant, as though few things would faze him. His pallor skin didn't resemble his mother's subtle glow like it usually did--he looked unhealthy. He knew their family couldn't afford much food, but his sister seemed to have a healthier weight, making his scrawny figure a clear sign of under-eating. Yet, his features still took after his mother. His dark brown hair fell just below his eyes, which were an even brighter shade of green; they reminded him of springtime, even in the freezing weather.

And yet on top of all that, something else about him felt intriguing. But what was it?

Could a person's emotions change so much at some ages and not others? Will supposed his own mind had changed. Did this mean Augustus's personality had changed too? Did that mean he acted differently now? Should you think of someone in a new way because of that? What if the changes in how they looked, felt and acted had some kind of connection? Did that mean that--

His mother interrupted his thoughts. "Well then," she gracefully announced. "We are quite glad to have you here at last. We hope we can help you. Perhaps the children staying here will aid in your healing. We express our deepest sympathies for your tragic circumstance."

"Why thank you." Augustus's mother replied. "We are grateful for your care of our children."

"Caroline and I are thankful for your hospitality. Mary, Augustus, you were looking forward to this, yes?"

She nodded; paying attention. He had been staring at nowhere in particular. He looked back at everyone else and stumbled over his words as he was drawn back to reality. "Yes--of course." It seemed like he meant it, but he still appeared distracted.

"We have room for everyone, and we have known each other for so long, I don't think we'll have any problems."

"William," she continued, "Augustus shall stay with you, yes?"

"Sure, long as he wants to." He looked over, glancing shyly at him. How different could he honestly be from only three years ago? What felt so drastically different?

"Splendid." His mother remarked. "Lily, Elizabeth, shall we have Mary-Beth stay with you?"

"Sounds like great fun! Yes!"

"Good." She turned back to their parents. "Would you care to stay over?"

"Well..staying longer would be preferred, so long as we're not putting you out."

"No trouble at all," Will's mother replied cordially, with a radiant smile. "Please, come in. You're our guests, after all."

"Now we can have more time together!" Mary-Beth happily exclaimed. She'd been nervous about when her parents would have to leave. The child's fears were now allayed.

Everyone agreed it was a very good idea. His parents weren't sure when they'd visit or if they could come back for them anytime soon, so they spent as much time that evening with their children as they could. It was a happy time, and as much as Augustus seemed to be enjoying their company, he still seemed very distracted.

Will continually speculated about this. Maybe it was losing his sister, or his parents leaving, or coming to live someplace different, or all of that at once, or something else. As concerned emotions ran through Will's mind, he carefully observed him. Granted, they hadn't met in three years, but he knew this wasn't how he'd normally act. He was clearly underweight, but had taken little food and was barely eating.

His minuscule appetite was a surprise given his chance to eat such a large meal. The decadent feast lay before Augustus for the 6th day of Christmas: glazed chicken and the other half of a glazed ham, leeks, carrots, fresh milk, three kinds of cheese, newly baked bread, jellied cranberries, sauces, butter, expensive imported tea for after the meal, plus mead and wine for the adults. Topping it all off was a fresh lemon custard torte, homemade scones with clotted cream and a large penny cake for everyone to share. Yet Augustus stared at his plate, nibbling on a tiny bit of bread as he tried to think of something to say to appear normal. Will studied the skittish look on his face, which seemed to make Augustus nervous. But he found Will retained his usual good intentions, happy to realize time had kept his kindness intact as Will jokingly poked him and said "Don't look so gloomy! Staying with me can't be that bad." to cheer him up. For the first time in his visit, Augustus smiled. He slowly warmed up, and everyone did as they could to remain cheerful.

Lily and Elizabeth were excited for living with their friend. They all chatted at dinner and Lily asked Mary-Beth what she'd like to do now that she's living in the countryside. They went on about picking wildflowers together when it was springtime, cute animals she'd be meeting and how great it was to eat fresh cheese and eggs every morning.

After dinner was done, they had relocated to the music room, as the adults took their tea while they all socialized. Lily played the piano. Augustus was slow at first to join the conversation, but decided to savor the time he had left to see his parents before they had to go back home, without him. He did all he could to push that thought aside and enjoy their night.

The girls went to their 'new' room after a while and Lily showed Mary Beth and Elizabeth trinkets from different places her Uncle had traveled. She also showed them some books, which they didn't understand, but she read to them about adventures and daring heroes and mermaids. The girls squealed delightfully at all the twists and turns and romance. Having another girl there would be wonderful! They helped her unpack so she could settle in.

Just as she was getting nostalgic about her sister, her parents came in to wish her goodnight. Her mother advised her to focus on her new life and remember her fondly. Mary was grateful for her family and friends attempt to comfort her and assuage her grief. Her parent's guidance didn't waiver, but as they left, her spirits fell again for the moment.

"We understand the best we can, don't we, Lizzie?" Lily tried to comfort her friend.

"We'll have great fun and you'll feel better." The youngest girl smiled at her earnestly. Her honest desire to console her made Mary's heart just a little lighter.

~*~

Caroline and Richard also went to say goodnight to Augustus before they retired to the guest room for the night. They had a lot of traveling to do tomorrow, and wanted to make extra time for their children when they could.

"Will you be alright?" He asked his mother in concern. "I could only try to understand this type of loss, I love you."

Will was surprised at how selfless Augustus remained.

"We love you too. And, well, we hadn't told you this, but this isn't the first time it's happened." His mother confessed.

"What?! When?" His shock was plain.

"Before you were born. You would have had an older brother, but he didn't stay."

"How long?" He didn't want to pry into such heartache but he had to know.

"A day. Two."

"But how did you move past it?"

"We mourned, but then focused on our future."

"Yes. That's when I had you." Caroline explained.

"Just our luck," Richard added optimistically. He patted his son's shoulder affectionately.

"Augustus," his mother knelt down and touched his cheek as she gazed up at him. "I know you don't think you're strong. But you are. Sorrow won't last forever. Remember her fondly and appreciate what you do have."

These were their absolute best efforts. Augustus tried to take their comfort, but it was clear that not everyone was coping in the same way. The toll taken by loss and grief affects everyone differently, and age could easily be a factor in the severity of a response. Everyone deals, but sometimes expressing such grief feels hard to unleash anyplace in the world.

Later that night, Will suddenly awoke from a dreamless sleep, after hearing something he could not recognize. At first, feeling someone else on his bed was strange, but he soon came to reality, remembering Augustus was staying here now. He heard a sniffle and turned over. Augustus was huddled on the edge of the bed looking miserable, his tear-stained face bearing a genuinely distraught expression.

"You all right?"

"I'm sorry," He quivered, tears seeping into his voice. "It's my sister. For the past few weeks, I haven't eaten or slept well at all. Anytime I ever do sleep, I keep having dreams about her coming back or waking up, and..." he looked away, nearly ashamed of his heartache.

"God, I'm so sorry, I should have asked. I was going to, but then I wasn't sure to bring it up..." he trailed off, and seeing how upset he was motivated him: "Shall I get your parents again? Maybe you'd like some water?" He pulled his covers back, scanning his room for a fresh pitcher of water.

"No, no that's all right. I don't want to burden them further."

"Well, if you're sure..." He paused and thought again: "Is there anything I can do? You need to get some rest."

"Having you here makes it easier, being alone is always worse."

"Maybe we could talk for a while 'til you get tired. You don't have to talk about it, but it won't burden me if you do."

"Thanks." He nearly whispered.

Thinking quickly, Will thought of a topic which wouldn't be particularly taxing: "We haven't seen each other for three years. I'm sure all kinds of interesting things have happened. Go on, tell me."

"Well, my parents have been working and trying to save up a little money...I can't not talk about it," he suddenly burst, in a sweeping breath. "We never thought she'd get it, she was only five! I think she ate something, or..." he shook his head "and in a week's time she went from being a normal happy little girl to someone who was just wasting away, like she was old. It started oddly, she was coughing, and then we noticed she was coughing up blood."

He re-pictured the rufescent drops which had stained her tiny hands, both alarming and confusing her.

"She had fevers, she'd hardly eat, and after only two days she had to stay in bed all the time 'cause she was too weak, and we couldn't even go near her! We gave her all her favorite toys and brought her food, but I mean, if she was upset, we could only do so much. We were all under strict orders from my mother: we could only go in when she was in desperate need and once for the morning, midday and evening."

"Only then? It must have been awful! Didn't anyone try to help you?"

"Well, we had a doctor come 'round, not a very good one of course, just someone who was milling around for all the poor families. You can't get quality unless you pay, which is absurd. One person doesn't deserve more help because he's got more in pounds his pocket. Doesn't it make sense to help the helpless first? Although I suppose he did the best he could. He came in and examined her for about ten minutes. He looked her over and confirmed our fears-we were losing her. He said it was a version of the Plague that affects the lungs, and that he's never seen anyone survive it. After that, I asked if there was anything we could do. He just shook his head, said something like "it's up to God now." That's not God, that's squalid surroundings. That's having no money for real care. These doctors don't even understand what they're fighting! There are all kind of people in the city studying science to fix the exact same problems, but I've heard even the expensive doctors don't listen to them! Why can't everyone work together to save more children?! Do they honestly not care enough?" The dismal look on his face matched his pessimistic tone. Will attempted to pacify the situation.

"I don't think it's that they don't care, they just aren't ready to get rid of their old ideas yet. It's not right, but it's the truth right now."

"Hanging on to their old ideas because they're too scared of new ones is costing lives. That's the truth right now, too."

His disenchanted attitude wouldn't break. Will saw it, and felt he had no role to play, no way to make it better. He wasn't strong enough, he was sure. He decided the best thing he could do was listen, although he felt like he was letting his friend down.

Why can't I just be braver? Why can't I help him? He lectured himself.

"The night -" Augustus's voice waived, tears filling his eyes again, "-that it happened, my mother stayed with her all night. Mary visited with Susan, and after she left, my mother came up to me and said 'Come say goodnight to your sister'. I replied quietly so no one else would hear me, but I had to say it. I looked right at my mother and said 'I think you mean good-bye.' She hugged me, and then I went in. I said goodnight to Susan and that I really loved her, but she didn't even look real anymore. She was pale, and bruised; like her whole body was dying before her death. It was disturbing. The worst part I keep thinking about is that...if I could have gone in her place," he paused, daring to say it to his closest friend whom he knew wouldn't judge him, "I would've, and she could still be here."

Will froze with utter shock. He just sat there, staring at his friend, trying to resist his face twisting in horror at what he had just heard. He had never seen a side of Augustus like this before: so serious and morose. When people are in desperate situations, who they truly are and what they really value surges through everything else that's happening. Augustus was devoted to others to the point of accepting a deadly fate to save someone he loved.

"That's....awful. I honestly don't know what to say."

"That's fine...it was just a relief to say it. You're the only person who knows that." He stated, with a heavy expression. "I'd never tell any of that to Mary and of course not my parents. I knew I could tell you 'cause I trust you. I've been thinking that for weeks, over and over but can't tell anyone."

He paused. "Now I kind of feel better. Is that selfish?" His eyes suddenly flickered up to meet Will's, who had to think quickly; Augustus looked desperate for comfort.

"No, you have to speak your mind when something like this happens. It's fine." He reassured him. "Maybe now that you've said it, you don't have to think it anymore. You're here now, and you and Mary will be safe. And you don't need to torture yourself about it. It's not as though you had a choice. Take care of yourself. Eat something, try to get some sleep. You deserve it." Augustus nodded in reply. At this, Will paused, and his voice softened as he spoke: "If you want anything else, just...let me know, all right?"

"Yeah. Thank you." he responded, and weakly smiled at Will, grateful for his compassionate instincts.

They bid each other goodnight, and Augustus finally fell asleep.