Pit or Pendulum?

This actually comes from my English c/w (a re-creative monologue in Blanche's mind, when she firsts meets her husband and the moments after his death > Streetcar Named Desire)... I enjoyed writing it so much (crystal clear thought for once, unusual for

It was like everything I ever wished for, and at the same time, nothing at all. The golden haze that surrounded my life up to that moment was sucked away from me, and his blinding, beautiful glare sliced into the vortex; a moment of pain, then the silent release of something deep inside me breaking free and dispersing to the wind. I realise now that it was the childish part of my soul, enticed from my body like a moth to the comforting flames. I watched inside myself as the embers of my soul came together to form new shapes, symbols which made no sense to me, but were like crystal teardrops to his heart and mine.

I remember this now as I will always remember it, him. The candle has blown out now, and I’m running towards a cliff, a black abyss, barren wasteland behind. Nothing left except the roaring guilt which hunts me across a broken land; tasting my scent on the wind, snarling mouth peeled back, exposing putrid breath, glistening fangs, and the pain, oh the pain stalks me on long legs, tail cracking through the heavy air, breaking again and again across my back, splitting the skin, revealing the stark whiteness of my bones, bones tainted with my blood, his blood. I throw myself towards the edge, fingers scrabbling for a hold, nails ripped away by cold rocks that slash my fallen figure as it snakes and twists its way along the ground. I reach the cliff-edge, the bottomless black pit yawing up, beckoning me. Pain hisses behind my back, tail swishing like a pendulum, closer, closer. Guilt races faster toward me; paws thundering, mouth spitting, baying for blood; but they will not catch me now. Fear releases its clammy hands from around my neck as I stand, stand and jump, inky depths rushing up to meet me...

 I am the darkness, and I am... alone...

Author's Note

Just for enjoyment, for people to relate to personally...