Star CrossedA Story by PiperjillianChapter 1. Ashleigh Ashleigh O’Connor, 20 and headstrong, was never in want for a thing. Some might even say she was privileged. She lived an upper middle class life due to her mother’s ingenuity, with the occasional tropical vacation and a small summer home on the lake. Ashleigh had mousy long brown hair always pulled into a pony tail, but when it is let loose it curls just right at the ends. She had hunter green eyes, and was always in a t-shirt, jeans and cowboy boots Ashleigh never wore makeup or nail polish; she had no need for the stuff. Ashleigh never felt spoiled, but
thought so of her sister, Amelia. Her mother Leanne, a single parent taught her
girls at a young age how to run a household, and assigned tasks. Ashleigh was
taught to do things for herself, help those less fortunate and was raised with
home grown morals. If Leanne did nothing
else she instilled in Ashleigh the value of a good work ethic, and the
willingness to learn, despite a slight dose of entitlement. Amelia being the
baby of the family, used illness to escape, she was altogether too skinny and
used frailty to her advantage. Ashleigh took up the slack, begrudgingly so as
not to hear the badgering from her mother. She tolerated the work, except when
taunted by her sister. Amelia loved to dig at Ashleigh’s mousey looks and quiet
nature. But a sister was a sister none the less and when Amelia was in an
amiable mood, she was companion enough. Still Ashleigh felt something was missing. Ashleigh had such an independent spirit that her mother was worried she may never let anyone in. Yes, her father was mostly absent but Ashleigh did not seem to mind. She sometimes shuddered at the thought of him in her home and having to obey his discipline. The only person allowed to tell Ashleigh what to do was her mother. Unfortunately she did not realize exactly how much power she gave Leanne. Ashleigh unwittingly gave her mother almost complete control over her life. There was nothing wrong with Leanne’s parenting skills although Amelia would beg to differ. It was only the fact that Leanne wanted control. She wanted to have a say in everything that went on around her. That was fine when her children were young, but now they needed to be let off the proverbial leash. Not pushed out of the nest but given the chance to fly when they were ready to make the leap. That was what
the majority of the fights with her mother were about lately, how much control
Leanne had over Ashleigh’s life since she was living under her mother’s roof.
Every day the same fight and the same outcome; Leanne dictating the chores,
Ashleigh balking at being treated like a child and Leanne threatening to kick
her out. Ashleigh used her work as an escape. She always felt better at the
barn. As a child Ashleigh wanted horseback riding lesson so badly she could taste it. Of course Leanne could not afford lessons. So as a teenager Ashleigh started working as a barn hand at Townsend Acres, a prominent riding school about 30 minutes south. Ashleigh would muck stalls, bring horses out to the pasture, tack up horses for lessons and lead the horses during some of the smaller children’s lessons. It took what seemed forever to earn enough money for a lesson but she was desperate. She loved the horses as her own, almost preferring their company to humans. After a year she even learned to teach some of the beginner classes with the lead instructor. After high school Ashleigh tried to become a Veterinary Technician, she thought her love of animals would be satisfied by that profession. But, Ashleigh hated math, after a year of classes at the university she decided that algebra II and calculus were too much for her to handle. Leanne convinced Ashleigh to take a business class. Just to have something to get her foot in the door of the work force. Ashleigh’s boss at the stable, Mr. Townsend, told her that after she graduated, he would even promote her to barn manager. The current barn manager was getting married and moving, so he would need some one who knew the ropes to take over. What a motivator that was. She finished school with flying colors and started her new job. She was now in charge of all the horses, the leader of all the barn hands and in charge of scheduling riding lessons. One of the perks of her new position was that she could ride whenever she was off duty. Ashleigh sighed as she saddled her
favorite horse Townsend Farms had lots of long
trails winding through the woods with some good hills for cantering. Chapter 2. Ben
Ashleigh felt relaxed as she rode back to the barn. It felt like the air had cleared around her and things were looking brighter. As she neared the driveway to the barn she saw a truck in the yard she did not recognize. She saw two men at the entrance of the barn shaking hands. It was Mr. Townsend and… Oh my God… Was that Ben Woodward?! Ashleigh had known Ben for years from a distance. She and Amelia had been tutored by his mother Michelle in high school and Ben had done some handy work for Leanne. After a few jobs though he never came back. Leanne’s demands must have been too much for him, Ashleigh thought. She knew what that was like. She rode to the back of the barn not wanting to dismount in front of them. Ashleigh knew she would have helmet hair and to tell the truth she was a bit nervous. She needed a few minutes to gather her thoughts. Ben was not the most handsome man she had ever seen but there was something about his quiet manner that sparked her interest. Ashleigh was not boy crazy as most of her friends, in fact she did not really see the intrigue. Guys were just people too, right? Ben had dark brown wavy hair and kind, warm brown eyes. He was tall, 6’2, medium build. And boy did he look great in a pair of jeans. By the time
Ashleigh got Well,
I guess you come with me. Ashleigh said to Ben. She showed him around the rest
of the barn. It was a pine clapboard barn with a green metal roof. 6 foot
sliding doors at either end. The tack room was the first space on the left,
then the office, that took up two spaces, then came Firefly, a black welsh pony
with a white star on her face, and a Palomino Shetland pony, Tinkerbelle. On
the right the first space was for shavings and hay storage once it was thrown
down from the loft, then 4 stalls. There were: Goosebumps, a bay quarter horse,
Sage, a grey and white Percheron, The tour ended at the indoor area. “Wow said Ben; you really know this place well. I guess I kind of grew up here, Ashleigh replied. You’ve been here a while…” “10 years.” interjected Ashleigh. “I guess you’re not the little kid my mother taught anymore. Time does fly.” Said Ben. “Seems like forever ago to me.” Said Ashleigh. “My mother will get a kick out of this, me working at the same barn you do. Wow.” Said Ben, “Well I‘d better get going, but I guess we’ll be seeing more of each other.” “Yea”, said Ashleigh, I guess I’ll see you Monday.” “See you then.” He said, as he shook her hand and turned to leave. She watched him walk out of the arena, raising her hand to wave, “Bye” she half whispered. Wow she thought, Ben Woodward, who would have thought. As the months went by, Ashleigh found herself making up excuses to be in the office. Checking the lesson schedule, making sure the pasture schedule was updated, anything to spend more time near Ben. He was very closed off at first but in the past few months he had really opened up. Sometimes Ashleigh would feel appreciated, like she was floating on air. Other times Ben would be caught up in his own work and not say two words to her. They began to talk more and more. Ashleigh and Ben discussed everything under the sun. Books, movies, relationships, dreams, even religion. She realized that Ben spoke to her as an equal and she craved that recognition. She wracked her brain thinking of intelligent questions to ask about his work to keep him talking. The more she learned about him the stronger she felt. “He remembers things I told him weeks
ago, she thought, and he told me that I am the only person that he has
intelligent conversations with. Another time he said that I should go on
vacation and get away for a while. When I said that I would want to share it
with someone, his response was " Well you would never want to go anywhere
with me but I think we could have fun somewhere" Ashleigh thought they
would have a great time if they went somewhere together. “He needs to have more
confidence in himself. I would jump at the chance to go anywhere with him.”
Ashleigh thought. One evening Ben was alone in the office when Ashleigh walked in and asked him if he needed anything before she left for the night. Ben was so engrossed in his computer screen that he did not hear her come in. She walked to his side and gently laid her hand on his shoulder. He startled and looked at her confused. She repeated herself then asked him what he was working on so intently. “I dabble as a writer and this is a half finished novel I am working on.” “What is it about? Can I read it?” She asked. “Not yet” Said Ben “Maybe when it is finished. And I think it’s going to be a romance novel.” Ashleigh’s heart skipped a beat. He is thinking about romance, a good topic that could work to my benefit. “Well let me know when you finish, I would love to read it.” As Ashleigh walked out she paused in the doorway, turned around and smiled. Ben was already fervently gazing at the screen. Ashleigh loved the way his eyebrows scrunched up when he was concentrating. Ashleigh’s mother was not big on talking about feelings and she was not about to broach the subject so here she was wondering what to do next. Ashleigh was painfully shy, preferring to be like a fly on the wall and observe life like when watching a play. Her favorite quote in fact was from Shakespeare’s As You like It: “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players.” That was the way Ashleigh saw the world…As an act. She decided to take a backseat and see where this new found interest took her. That lasted about a minute. Her head raced with thoughts: “What might happen if I tell Ben how I feel about him?” thought Ashleigh. “What if he is oblivious? Do I actually have the nerve to say; “YES of course I like you, dummy why do you think I keep working so late!? I stay for the sole reason to see you, to talk to you. When you don’t acknowledge me, it breaks my heart. When you interact and talk with me you lift my spirits and give me hope. I am always jittery, anxious and exited around you, but I can still open up and tell you things that I would never tell anyone else. I tell you things that I have never said to anyone before. I would be that overly needy person that pours their heart and soul out to someone only to find out that you see me as JUST a friend.” Once Ben had made a smart remark that Ashleigh was not the little girl he had once thought her. He said that she may actually be girlfriend material. It was all she could do to not melt into a puddle in front of him. She had just brushed off the comment with a laugh and hoped that she was not blushing too much as she concentrated on staying on her feet. Ashleigh hoped that remark was an inkling of how he might react to her speech. Lying in bed that night, Ashleigh was thinking worst case scenarios. “The worst and most likely scenario is that he says that he does not feel that way about me, I get my heart broken, I lose Ben as a friend, and I cannot go back to work because after that kind of humiliation I would never be able to face him again. I may not even be able to face Michelle after an admission like that. I would need to throw myself into a project so as not to hit rock bottom. Then even who knows. You would not think that someone who thinks like me would put this much time and energy in to a one sided relationship. I just need to make a decision, tell him or drop it altogether. All this speculation is just giving me a headache.” “Yes, I will tell him tomorrow.” Ashleigh thought as she fell asleep. Chapter 3. Bianca The next day she was ready. She would march into the office take the bull by the horns and say to Ben: “We have been spending a lot of time together and I really like you. Would you like to go on a date with me?” As Ashleigh rounded the corner into the barn she almost ran headlong into a tall perky red head, in heels. Not the type of person usually found in a barn. She was looking at Firefly with a bit of disdain. As she looked up she pasted a smile on her face. Ashleigh was not fooled. She had known this kind of girl since grade school. The type of girl to fake just about anything to get what she wanted. “Hi, I’m Bianca,” drawled the girl. “I was just waiting on Ben.” Bianca was of medium height with obviously dyed shoulder length red hair and light blue eyes. Just then Ben emerged from the office with a big goofy grin on his face. “Good, I’m glad you two have met. Ashleigh this is my girlfriend Bianca. Bianca, Ashleigh O’Connor, Barn Manager.” “Charmed I’m sure” said Bianca. Ashleigh was stunned. Speechless and frozen Ashleigh just stood there mouth gaping. She thought she would melt into the ground no that would be too easy. No, she would have to stand here and make small talk with her new competition. Ashleigh managed a weak “Hello” as she reached out to shake Bianca’s perfectly manicured hand.
Bianca Dedham was Celeste Townsend’s best friend from high school. Celeste had to see her father at the barn one day and Bianca met Ben. Bianca was between boyfriends and Ben caught her eye. She gave him her number on the spot and told him to call her for a date. Ben was intrigued by her boldness and followed her command. Ashleigh had never met Bianca because Celeste did not like horses, her mother had made her take lessons as a child, so she and Ashleigh were acquainted, but Celeste had since stopped coming to the barn. Now Ashleigh found herself in Ben’s company without even trying. Not exactly what she had envisioned with Bianca ever present. Ashleigh was disgusted by the way Bianca treated Ben. Bianca acted like a spoiled princess, and Ben was her servant. At her beck and call. Bianca’s favorite phrases started with “Get me…” and “I want…” The worst part was that Ben did, willingly. It was like Bianca had Ben already on the proverbial leash and was not going to let him out of her sight; especially when Ashleigh was around. Ashleigh suspected that Bianca knew exactly what was going on in Ashleigh’s head when it came to Ben. Ashleigh ever being the bigger person suffered in silence. Ashleigh told herself that she only had a crush and it meant nothing. But her heart still felt heavy. One day a beat up car came down the
Townsend Acres driveway. A woman got out with the cutest little girl. A petite
little thing around 10, with huge pink coke bottle glasses, a round pudgy face
and a huge smile. Ashleigh went to greet them. The woman introduced herself as
Heather Thomas, a staff member at Hope House, a group home for mentally and
physically disabled persons. She and the little girl, Danielle Matthews, had
seen the sign for Townsend Acres and Danielle had begged to see the horses.
Danielle had Down syndrome. Ashleigh had always had a soft spot for those with
disabilities as her mother was disabled and walked with crutches. Ashleigh
brought them into the barn and led out Tinkerbelle. She was just the right size
and had the right demeanor, for Danielle to brush and cuddle. When Heather asked about the price of a
riding lesson, her face fell, that was out of the question it was too
expensive. Ashleigh being the manager made her an offer. “If Danielle is
willing to clean a stall and brush Tinkerbelle, I will give her a lesson
myself.” When Heather told Danielle,
Danielle lit up like a Christmas tree; she ran to Ashleigh and threw her arms
around her waist, almost knocking Ashleigh over. “Yes, Danielle cried, I will
do anything for a lesson!” Giving Danielle lessons and helping her with
Tinkerbelle took Ashleigh’s mind off Ben, for a little while at least. Three days later Danielle came for
her first lesson in horse care. Tinkerbelle is about three feet high and about
as long as a coffee table. She could almost fit in the back of a minivan.
Tinkerbelle was perfect for the small children or kids that had not been around
horses before and might be frightened. Since Danielle was so small, Tink was
the perfect height for grooming. Ashleigh showed Danielle how to use
each brush. “Ok, first the curry comb, said Ashleigh. Use it in circles to get
all the big clumps of dirt off. You brush that side and I will brush this
side.” “Wow she is really dirty” said Danielle. Yes she is, replied Ashleigh; Tink loves to roll in the
dirt.” “Next comes the dandy brush, to get off the little bits of
dirt still on her, use it in long straight strokes like this”. Ashleigh
demonstrated by brushing Tinkerbelle’s neck in the direction of the hair.
Ashleigh waited patiently while Danielle took her time painstakingly brushing
of every last bit of dirt she found. Not an easy task when brushing a horse. “Ok, ready to brush her mane and
tail? Ashleigh asked.” “Now we use a comb like on you would use on your hair,
be very gentle, try to get out the tangles like Heather does for you.” Ashleigh
stood to the side watching Danielle and listening to her talking to Tink as she
brushed her. “Aren’t you my sweet baby, hold still darling, you need your mane
brushed, be a good girl for me now, I have treats for you if you be a good girl
and hold still, my little sweet girl, such big feet for a little baby
horsy…“Yuck, she has poop on her feet! Ashleigh, do I have to clean that too?” “Not
today but I will show you how to clean her feet next time, ok?” At Danielle’s first riding lesson, Ashleigh put her on Firefly. Firefly loved apples, but was a pushy pony with a mind of her own. She was always trying to get to the grass while being ridden. She needed special “Grass Reins” to keep her head up on trail rides. She is the best mount for kids because she is what you would call a “bombproof” pony. She is sure and steady and nice and plump for a little less bouncy of a ride. Firefly was a better choice than Goosebumps because he is the leader of the pack in the fields. He is bossy to other horses in the ring and to his rider. His vice is chewing, on the fence rails, the door of his stall, if you stop him too long in the ring close to the fence, he will even try to chew that! As for Tansy, she used to be a show horse that pulled carriages in parades. When she injured her ankle she was no longer able show, but she could still comfortably carry a rider. She is very delicate and responds to the slightest pressure from a rider. Only an experienced, confident rider with a soft seat is paired with Tansy. Ashleigh was surprised that
Danielle had great balance for such a little girl. Still she started her on a
lead rope as all beginners do. “Ok shorten your reins so that they touch the
sides of her neck you want her to feel them. Good. Ok, when you are ready give
her a gentle squeeze with your upper leg and tell her to walk on.” Danielle
replied in a very soft timid voice. “Danielle, Firefly can’t even hear you.
Could you ask her to walk on in a little louder voice? Firefly also needs to
know that she needs to pick up the pace and walk so tell her in a quick voice.”
Danielle’s voice quickly got a bolder and quicker tone. After walking the
entire ring once Ashleigh had Danielle stop Firefly. “Ok, now you need to tell
her to stop, slowly lean back a little, Keep your reins short, Hey, I saw that!
Ok, keep your reins short, pull back gently and say whoa.” “Great job, lets
keep practicing telling her when to walk on and when to whoa, and remember…KEEP
YOUR REINS SHORT! Chapter 4. Secrets
and Truths Secretly
Ashleigh hoped that Ben’s current relationship would end when Ben realized
Bianca’s true nature, but alas he never seemed to catch on. The phrases “Love
is blind”, and “Looking through rose colored glasses” come to mind. Ashleigh
tried to forget that Bianca even existed and made the best of her time alone
with Ben, setting up for the horse show together before everyone else arrived.
As they set up the tables and hung streamers they talked. Ben was concerned
that Ashleigh was upset with Bianca. He accused her of blowing her top and
being too harsh on Bianca. The previous afternoon, Ashleigh had chided Bianca
for not asking before she fed the horses. Bianca was feeding peppermint candies
to the horses. Fortunately she did no harm but if Ashleigh had not shown up
when she did, panic would have ensued. Tinkerbelle was allergic to mint as
Bianca had never bothered to find out. Ashleigh was furious, Bianca could have
killed Tink! Ashleigh had stomped out of the barn just as Ben showed up to see
what the commotion was all about. As they put streamers around the
fencing of the arena, Ben asked “Do you have a problem with Bianca? Ashleigh brushed off the question. She lied
and told Ben that it was really nothing, everything had turned out ok and she
was not really mad at Bianca. Ashleigh just wished Bianca had asked before she
had fed horses she knew nothing about. Ben was relieved. “Good” he said,
“Because if anyone has a problem with Bianca, they would have to deal with me.”
“No worries, Bianca and I are
fine.” said Ashleigh “I only get a little over protective of the horses
because, they’re like my babies.” Ashleigh felt bad about lying to Ben like
that. She couldn’t hurt him by telling him the truth about what she really thought
of his girlfriend. Rumor had it that Ben was not her first choice. Bianca had
been shot down so many times before that she pursued Ben out of desperation.
Bianca was 21! How in the hell could she be desperate at 21 years old, Ashleigh
thought. Besides she really did not know this girl, for all she knew it was
just jealousy driving her anger. Though, Ashleigh did have a way of reading
people. So far she had a reputation of making good on her hunches. After the air had been cleared the rest of the conversation was wonderful. Unfortunately all good things come to an end and Bianca did show up. Ben leaned close to Ashleigh, just wait; I have a huge surprise at the end of the night!” He said After the horse show went so
smoothly, the Townsend’s took all the staff members out for a celebratory
dinner, Celeste tagged along because Bianca was going and besides her parents
were buying the drinks. At the restaurant, Bianca hung on Ben’s arm,
fawning over him. Seeing Ben and Bianca together
almost tore Ashleigh apart. She could never reveal her feelings, she was not
ready. And Ben was on the fast track to a house in the suburbs and three kids.
Ashleigh caught a glimpse of them whispering and giggling together. It almost
made her sick. Later that evening Ashleigh sure
got the surprise of her life. Ben asked for everyone’s attention, and on bended
knee asked Bianca to marry him. The shrieks were deafening. Bianca was hopping
up and down like the energizer bunny on steroids. She squealed out a “YES!”
then planted a big slobbering kiss on Ben. Ashleigh felt like she had just been punched in the stomach but she pasted on a smile. She quietly excused herself. Ashleigh forced her self to walk not run to the ladies room. She hoped no one would hear the sound of her being sick. She did not want to make up an explanation. Inside Ashleigh died a little but she knew she would just bite her tongue and let Ben be happy. She could never tell Ben the truth now, possibly losing him from her life forever. When Ashleigh got back to the table,
Ben and Bianca were busy making the rounds, receiving congratulations. “Here
they come.” she thought. Ashleigh closed her eyes, took a deep breathe and
willed herself to play nice with Bianca “I hope you will make each other very
happy.” said Ashleigh. At the end of the night Bianca
cornered Ashleigh. Waving her engagement ring in Ashleigh’s face, Bianca gave
her a warning she would never forget. “He’s mine now b***h and don’t you forget
it. Stay well away from my man.” Bianca hissed. Then she turned on her heel and
walked away to find Ben, pasting a fake smile on her face. Chapter 5.
Obligations
Of course Ashleigh was invited to the wedding, she had to show up for Ben’s sake. She could not be rude to him even if it was Bianca’s big day. At the very least she agreed to go to spite the evil bride. Ultimately it was a night to remember. At the reception Ben stood in front of Ashleigh and said “Come dance with me” She said “No, I don’t dance”. Ben told her “Oh, come on” took her hand, and led her to the dance floor. The song was “Turn, Turn, Turn”, Ben put his left arm around Ashleigh’s waist and held her left hand, she put her right hand on his left shoulder and he led her around the dance floor. Ashleigh spent the first half of the song looking at her feet and trying not to step on his toes! Ben spun her and it took what seemed like forever for her to realize that she needed to spin twice not follow the song that said turn, turn, turn. “My palms are clammy and cold and I don’t know how to dance and I must be blushing horribly and…No Ashleigh thought, this was the one and only chance that she would have to be this close to him and he looked great in his tux, so, she looked up at him and tried to make good small talk, laughing about trying not to step on his toes, Ben telling her not to look at her feet and just go with it, She remembered asking Ben why he picked her. He said that he planned on dancing with all the pretty girls, and she looked like she needed to loosen up and have some fun. When Ashleigh was looking at Ben his face was blurred, she just looked over his left shoulder and seeing the walls of the building go by as she twirled herself into oblivion. After the song ended Ashleigh did not remember Ben letting go or even if he said anything, she heard her heels clicking as she walked off the dance floor. Ashleigh danced with her dream guy and later that night he took his new wife to bed. “I was even dreamy eyed when I danced with him at his own wedding. How pathetic.” Ashleigh thought. She was determined to put Ben out of her head. He was taken and that was the end of the story This was the part she just couldn’t
explain. If there was a way to flick a switch and just turn her feelings off
for good maybe that would be a different story. But even that remote,
unrealistic scenario could not play out too far in her mind, because she wasn’t
so sure that she would turn her feelings for him off, even if she could. But,
maybe, just maybe, she was taking this all too seriously. Perhaps it was easier
than that. Maybe they could still be friends. Perhaps friends were always
friends, no matter what changes forced a gap between them. What Ben ever saw in Bianca, Ashleigh never knew. But she would never dream of breaking up a marriage, no matter how unhappy it seemed. Bianca was never satisfied with Ben. At the barn she complained to Ashleigh that Ben worked too long and never brought home enough money to keep up her ever growing expenses. Unfortunately her woes fell on deaf ears, Ashleigh full of patience and compassion had no tolerance for Bianca treating every one around her like the hired help. It was Thursday morning and Danielle would be arriving for her lesson any minute. Ashleigh had decided to teach her to trot today. At the rate Danielle was progressing in her riding she might even be able to ride in the next horse show at Townsend Acres. After the lesson Heather asked Ashleigh what it would take for other children from Hope House to come to Townsend Farms. Any one who wanted to groom was allowed to under Ashleigh’s express supervision. As for the riding lessons Ashleigh could only convince one of the riding instructors to help. Each lesson was billed on a sliding scale as to how much the families could afford. Hope House held many fundraisers to supplement the riding fund. For a while Ashleigh was kept busy
with dealing with children from Hope House.
Soon though Ashleigh was fed up. Every time Bianca whined “Honneey…”it sounded
like nails on a chalk board to Ashleigh. She could not sit idly by and watch
Ben be treated like this. She decided she needed a change of pace. Ashleigh
volunteered to run “ Chapter 6. Leanne was upset that Ashleigh wanted to move so far away. It was four hours north! How was Leanne supposed to cope with out Ashleigh? After all these years Ashleigh thought she’d grown used to being met without warmth and praise from her mother and she had. But now she was doing something to change herself for the better, and her mother still wasn’t happy.” If she wasn’t meeting her new life with “open arms” at least she was meeting it, making the effort to have an open mind. She couldn’t stand to be hit with her mother’s negativity on a daily basis. It took Ashleigh three days to pack
up all her belongings and stow them in the truck and horse trailer borrowed
from Townsend acres. She was also taking As Ashleigh pulled up to the camp
the first thing she saw was the beautiful, butter yellow farm house, with navy blue trim, and a full
wrap around porch complete with sparking white porch swing and hammock. She
decided to go a bit further up the driveway to the barn. She had always been
taught to take care of the horses first. The barn was parallel to the house
about 100 feet away. It was a natural pine barn, with rough hewn boards. The
barn had 10 stalls and housed 6 horses
Dancer and Secret were inseparable.
Now that Dancer was older he was perfect for the camp. Dancer was…Well you
wouldn’t exactly call him fat, but he was a bit on the heavy side. To look a
Dancer in his stall you would think that he was an older laid back horse. Once
he has a saddle on though he was a spitfire. In his younger years as a
stallion, he had been bred for his impeccable bloodlines. The one colt that was
kept at the camp was Secret. Secret had been born and breed on
Townsend Acres. He had the same drive as his father but was a little more, easy
going. He had just enough get up and go for the intermediate riders. Secret was
a very loving horse, he would follow Ashleigh like a puppy when she was in the
field. He almost didn’t need a lead rope. He loved to be petted, and nuzzled
everyone that got close enough.
The elderly grounds keeper, Ian
Reynolds met Ashleigh in the driveway and helped her unload While in the barn Ashleigh met
Arrow. Arrow, Ian told her, being a spirited Arabian was ridden by the more
advanced students. He liked to prance and sidestep away from the mounting
block. Standing in the barn though he was sweet as pie. He was also the go to
horse to teach ground lessons, where the students learned to brush a horse and
put on a saddle and bridle. Later Ian gave Ashleigh a tour of the camp.
The grounds held one outdoor arena, 5 acres of trails, a large pasture, and an
old barn about a mile down the trail behind the house. There were 6 cabins for
riders, a great hall with a stage used for dinning, movie night and a large
cabin for arts and crafts, and a first aid station. Ashleigh paused at the pasture
gate, she was awe struck by a beautiful black horse. Beauty looked like she had
just stepped out of a children’s book. The name Black Beauty did not even do
her justice. Her jet black coat was brushed to a shine and she had a flowing
black mane and tail. The uncanny thing was that she was claustrophobic. She
needed to be mounted in the middle of the arena so as not to feel trapped. She
also needed an extra large stall so she could move around freely. Ian and his wife Hilde live in the
farm house along with 2 grooms, the cook, the maid, the activities director,
the riding instructor and her husband the office manager. Ashleigh’s room was on the first
floor in the front of the house. When she walked in the front door it was the
first room on the right. It must have been intended as a guest room. It held a
dark wooden four poster bed, two matching dressers one on either wall, two
night stands each with matching lamps, a matching vanity table, a large
fieldstone fire place and two extra large comfy chairs in front of it. The 2 barn hands roomed together across the hall, Ian and Hilde had the master bedroom tucked between the kitchen and Ashleigh’s room. The dining room and the kitchen were in the back of the house. The back door led into the pantry. Upstairs had 4 equal sized rooms, complete with matching furniture. Those rooms were evidently intended for the children of the family. No bickering when everything was the same. As the barn manager at the camp she would be one of the riding instructors, a horse handler, overseeing the barn staff, taking care of the horses schedules, staff hours, and lesson times, vet coordinator, farrier coordinator, and ordering feed and supplies. After a week she felt she had been here all her life. She was kept very busy in her routine at the camp. She loved the farm house and could see herself raising a family there. The only thing missing was Ben. That realization hit her every morning that he wasn’t next to her; filling her with the same hollow feeling. And after that the sinking feeling of her inability to let him go once and for all. On the nights when restlessness prevented sleep she would go to the kitchen to make a cup of tea. Sooner or later Hilde would find her. Pour herself a cup of tea and soothe Ashleigh. Hilde always wanted to know what was bothering Ashleigh. And Ashleigh craved the comfort. After a year Ashleigh was beginning to forget. Forgetting the look on Danielle’s face when Ashleigh told her she was leaving. Forgetting how she felt about Ben. Thinking of him and Bianca together turned her stomach, so she forced herself to concentrate on the horses, her first love. But, Ashleigh was single not dead. Ashleigh went out a few times with the guy’s from the barn, but there was no spark with anyone in the group or at the bars they went to. Maybe Ashleigh was just too shy, but she was content that way. One summer day, Ashleigh got a
phone call from Mr. Townsend himself. He relayed the facts plain and simple. Ashleigh are you still there? Asked Mr. Townsend. Yes, of course sir. Ashleigh said as she found her breath. Ashleigh I have a proposition for you. I hate to loose you as an employee, so I would ask you to take back over at the farm. I know it would be a lot of work, and you have already made it more efficient once, but this time I need you. You are smart and resourceful, and you of all people know best how this farm works. I have seen it in your eyes; you love this farm and the horses like they were your own. Please say you will take my offer. “Of course Mr. Townsend, how long do we have?” “Until the spring,” He replied. The first thing she did was call Michelle. She needed details. She could only imagine what Ben was going through right now. After Michelle relayed the details of the divorce, Ashleigh told her the fate of the camp. Michelle was glad that Ashleigh was coming home. But Ashleigh did not realize exactly what that meant. Her heart sank, Michelle was right; Ashleigh would have to move back into her mother’s house. Ashleigh reluctantly called her mother and told her the news.
Chapter 7. Home
Again, Home Again Ben had been hired to give the
entire farm a much needed over haul. He had started on the computer system.
Even with Ashleigh’s help it took almost a year to complete. After Ben’s
marriage he started in on ordering new equipment. Before Ashleigh left, the
farm was breaking even financially. The fact that the boarder’s barn was
full was promising. Bianca was getting fed up with Ben working so many hours. Even with Ashleigh out of the picture he was at that stupid barn, she fumed to Celeste. Bianca had all the time in the world to go out with Celeste. Getting primped, hair, makeup, nails, the works. Preparing for a night out was a real production. Celeste was trying to land herself a rich husband, by going to bars. But all she usually got was drunk. Bianca was spending money like water and did not give any thought as to where that money came from or why Ben was working so hard. Bianca did have a job, she worked part time as a receptionist at the Townsend Banking firm. But she had never really learned the value of a dollar. Ben was not doing well with out Ashleigh. He did not realize how much he missed her help. And not even just her help with the work but also the conversation. Ben became depressed, with Bianca demanding that he stay home with her and also be raking in money for her to spend. Over the next few months an upset and distraught Ben accumulated large debts for the farm. New lights for the outdoor arena, a hay conveyer belt for the loft, a riding mower for the grounds, a gator utility vehicle, new plastic fencing for the entire 20 acres and the extra farm hands to install it. Ben took out loans amounting to $500,000.00 to cover costs, even using the money to pay the extra farm hands. Four owners had sold their horses because the girls grew out of the phase, now there were only four horses boarding and a dozen paying riding clients. The farm’s income did not even cover the loan payments. Ben barely had enough income to do payroll. He did not tell anyone, trying to come up with a solution without any help. His marriage was on the rocks and he spent most of his time in the office not able to work. Bianca soon became tired of “putting up with” Ben being at that barn at all hours. One night she decided to confront him. What is with you and that barn is it because of Ashleigh, she is gone. You married me, I thought you loved me! We never spend any time together anymore. Bianca whined. “Look Bianca, the stable is in trouble and it is partly my fault, I am trying to find a way to keep the bank from foreclosing.” “Let them foreclose and be done with that barn once and for all. I can’t stand it any more! Maybe I should leave you.” “Leave me and go where? Back to your parent’s house?” “I don’t want to hurt you Ben, I loved you once, but, I have met someone.” “We have been married barely a year
and already you have met someone else.” “What do you think I have been doing
while you are at that barn, knitting! Celeste and I go out. A guy bought us
drinks one night and one thing led to another. He loves me and wants me to move
to Bianca stormed out of the house and booked a hotel in the city. She went to the court house first thing in the morning to file for divorce. Ben did not fight Bianca, later he would wonder why he did not fight to keep his marriage intact, but now, at this point in time he did not have the strength to go against Bianca. Soon after the divorce was final Ben started to spiral. Bank statements were marked urgent and Ben could feel himself drowning under the weight of it. Ben had bitten off more than her could chew. Foreclosure was imminent after defaulting on loan payments. The farm was 300,000.00 dollars in debt. Ben was a tempestuous little boy, always getting into trouble, thinking he was invincible. He moved around a bit as a child and really only wanted to belong somewhere. His older brother was an attention seeker, a go getter. That left Ben in the shadows of his own life always playing second fiddle. That led to self pity and low self worth. He never thought he would amount to anything in life so he never did really try. Ashleigh thought that was why he never fought Bianca about the divorce and why he thought the stable was better off without him. Ben had to confront Mr. Townsend, he was dreading admitting that he failed him. Mr. Townsend is a good boss. Sitting in the barn office the phone rings, it is Mr. Townsend himself saying that he must schedule a visit to the farm that week. Ben made the appointment, contemplated leaving the state, then got together all the financial documents. When Mr. Townsend arrives the look on his face tells Ben that Mr. Townsend already knows. After a lengthy conversation, and looking over all the documentation, Mr. Townsend, looked Ben in the eye. Ben squirmed under his intense gaze. Son, I’m sorry to say that you have run this business into the ground. I am just glad that this was a small company for my firm, but as for you, you’re fired, effective immediately. I think of myself as a kind man so I will give you a generous severance, but I cannot give you any recommendations. I hope you understand. Yes sir, Ben replied. I will have my things out by the end of the day. Ben's depression was taking
over. He was not able to make rent after he lost his job and was evicted
from his apartment. Self pity had set in too deep. A crushed and broken Ben
moved back in with his mother, Michelle. Ben was depressed for months; he was
content sulking in his solitude seeing no one but his best friend from
childhood, Sam. Soon after, Sam helps Ben get back
on his feet and ready to live life again, Even Celeste worms her way into the
picture. She feigned support while being a snitch to Bianca. Ashleigh returned,
having accepted her old job back when she was informed that the camp would be
closing down. Ashleigh visited Ben as soon as she got back. She sees the good in him and wants only to fix him. To fix what Bianca broke. She assumed her past role of caretaker. She started spending long hours with Ben bolstering his confidence. She finally convinces him that she needs his help. “Remember how we built this system together? Well I need you to help me fix it. If you help me I will do everything in my power to clear your name and restore the stable.” Ashleigh longed for Ben to confide
in her, and see that she loves him. She thought that she had given all the
right hints, but she was too afraid to come out and say how she felt. She
finally got her chance to give an even bigger hint.
“Ashleigh” Ben asked one day. “Why are you doing all this for me?” “We are friends, you know that. You might even be my best friend and I hate to see you like this. You make me smile; making your pain go away makes me happy. I want to make you whole again. I need you to want that for me too. I feel like I was broken long before you came along, but you make me feel like a normal person in the real world. Not a sheltered child that is so protected that she can only see friendship, love, and freedom in fiction. Does that answer your question?” “Yea, I guess so.” Ben said quietly. That conversation made Ashleigh think of a movie she watched at a friend’s house a long time ago. It was called “An Ideal Husband”. “Everything I have ever learned, indeed all that I have believed is to reject him for the things he has done. Yet, I have never known such joy as when I’m with him. I have never felt so free as when I’m lying in his arms.” Well maybe she wasn’t lying in his arms…yet. But a girl can dream right? It took a lot of gumption, but
Ashleigh convinced Mr. Townsend to re-hire Ben. Ben had to grovel a bit, but he
knows the finances better than anyone and Ashleigh needs his help. She and Ben
must now save the stable from bankruptcy together. The solution Ashleigh came
up with was to take tourists on an all inclusive weekend scenic trail ride. She
hoped it would tempt the leaf peepers. Ashleigh was finding out more and
more about Ben as she spent more time with him. After they were done with the
business aspect of her visit, she would stay and talk to Ben, like they used to
at the barn. Ashleigh found out that, Ben was born in Ashleigh decided that she could
trust Hilde. After the camp closed down Ian and Hilde had moved back down to
their small house near Townsend Acres. Ian had bought it when he had worked at
the farm as a young man. Hilde had never wanted to sell the place. That came in
handy when “I will admit that I took advantage of knowledge of his interests to keep our conversations going longer. It was wonderful, I have his rapt attention. He tells me his deepest feelings and anxieties. Just what a girl needs… a man she thinks she can fix, make whole again.” Ashleigh told Hilde. I almost feel like Bianca, asking Ben not to talk to Celeste because I don’t like her. Bianca asked Ben not to talk to me, because she did not like me. I don’t want to be compared to her. Even if we were together, would I always be wondering if he was comparing me to Bianca? I want him, I want to have a say in his life. I want to come home to him. After a few months Michelle would just leave them to their conversations. Ashleigh had always thought Michelle was cool. Michelle was a calm, easygoing parent. Ashleigh was envious of Ben, just a little. Michelle always invited Ashleigh to stay for supper on the nights her and Ben worked late. Ashleigh got to know Michelle better and better as time passed. Ashleigh caught herself thinking that Michelle would make a good mother in law. Unfortunately she had already been one once. Ashleigh could not believe that Michelle was still friends with Bianca. Maybe they knew each other before Bianca and Ben were dating, but there is still such a thing as loyalty to your son. Later that month Michelle invited Ashleigh to a talent show she would be singing in. Ashleigh was standing in the library looking at the stage. The announcer said that Michelle was up next. She had on a blue sequined evening gown. Blue strobe lights came on and the shades over the windows came down. Then Ben rushed out of the building. Ashleigh saw him coming around the corner in front of the library door. He looked like he had just seen a ghost. She could only assume that he had just seen Bianca ex Woodward. Then the most random thought crossed her mind. “He has on new clothes” she thought. His shirt was a bold red with white marbled plastic buttons. He had on black dress pants and new black loafers. But Ben was still Ben. He liked to wear white tube socks, with any outfit. They were comfortable he had said. Ashleigh went after him and tried to talk to him in the parking lot. It was a sunny midmorning and the sand driveway was wet with melted snow. There were a few small patches of snow but everything had almost melted by then. Ashleigh had on a long prairie style dark colored skirt with an off white bohemian style shirt with large cuffs, She also had a chocolate brown, muslin shawl with a fringe around her shoulders. It was for warmth not just an accessory; she wrapped it tighter around her shoulders as she looked to see where he went. He was getting into his car and she walked toward him talking to him trying to calm him down and talk some sense into him. He was yelling something about losing control. He drove down a muddy rutted dirt road. He got stuck in the mud and the car spun to face the auditorium. He got out and slammed the door. He was irate but not at her, she went over to him and put her left hand on his chest facing him. As if she could physically stop his rampage. Ashleigh told him that he did have control and he was there for Michelle, for no other reason than to support her. He started taking deep breaths and calmed himself down enough to speak rationally. He was upset because all he wanted to do was run and he couldn’t even do that. It was bad enough that he could not control his emotions and wanted to run in the first place. Ashleigh got in on the passenger side seat and told him to take her back to the parking lot. She told him that even if he stayed in the car and did not come back in Michelle would appreciate the fact that he had made the effort to come, he was here and that is all that matters. He said “No, you’re right; I’m here to support her and I will go back in and just watch from the entrance.” They both got out of the car and Ashleigh went first. Ben followed her into the library, the library was empty of all furniture; and the windows spanned the whole wall. Ben stood to her left facing the window in the back left corner of the room watching the stage. Ashleigh was bursting with pride that he was there; she just stared at him for a moment when she realized that he was standing next to her. She had helped him overcome something; maybe this would bring them closer together. Ashleigh thought. For a second his hand brushed hers it was just by chance, there were people lining the window and they were standing close together. Just a mere moment then everyone started to applaud. Ben looked at Ashleigh and said “She was good, she was really good! I hope someone has a video, I don’t want to tell her that I missed the middle.” “I’m sure my Mom taped it, she always has a camera in her hand.” Ashleigh said. She went to say hello to Michelle and told Ben that she would tell her where he was. After most of the crowd had shuffled out Michelle and Ben slipped out the door. It had been six months that Ashleigh had been staying late talking to Ben for hours, getting to know each other better. Ashleigh was getting antsy. She had to tell Ben how she felt “I can not stand the friend game any longer. I love him, why can’t I just say so!?” One night the courage came over her. Michelle had gone upstairs and Ben and Ashleigh were alone together in the living room. Ben was on the other side of the couch watching her. He then asked the 64 million dollar question, “What are we doing?” Ashleigh had wished for years that he would notice her, and took every opportunity to be near him. Had he finally figured it out? Ashleigh knew that she would never survive if her dreams were quashed this close to possible realization.” Oh my God. It’s happening. Take any experience she’d ever had, times it by ten, add it to a million, and still…it had nothing on that moment. “Honest truth?” She said. “Of course I want
you to be honest.” Ben answered. Ashleigh took a deep breath and looked him in
the eyes. “I’m in love with you.” He exhaled slowly, “Wow, how long has this
been going on?” “Quite a while now.” “How long Ash, months, a year?” “I have
been in love with you since I met you, since before you met Bianca.” “And you
kept it a secret all this time?” “I used to think I had to fake it and I did
when you were dating and married but now I feel closer to you than ever.” “My
God,” replied Ben, “well now what I have to say seems lame but here goes: I
like you a lot, a whole lot, and now that I know your feelings I think it is
safe to say we should start dating. What do you think?” “I though you’d never
ask”, she said with a smile. He held out his arms, “Come over here”. Ashleigh
just about flew into his arms. He wrapped his arms around her tight and kissed
the top of her head. “Now doesn't that feel better, now that everything is out
in the open?” She wrapped her arms around him tighter, “This is perfect. This
is what my day dreams have been like for the past year”. I can’t believe that I
am your dream guy. What did I ever do to deserve that? “You listened with no judgment, you treated
me as an equal, and you told me what you were thinking.” “Wow that was a fast
answer.” “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it.” “I feel like I am
dreaming, but the weak knees beg to differ.” Ben stared at Ashleigh, after a second it had been a lot to take " the weight of him looking so directly at her like that; the fact that everything she’d always wanted was now glaring at her with so much force. “I feel like you can read my mind doing that” Ashleigh said. “No, replied Ben “Just trying to read your face.” “What do you see?” “I see a dreamy look in your eyes and a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth.” Ashleigh stared at Ben. What did she see in his face? He had softness to his features that made you absolutely positive he understood and empathized with every single word you ever said even before you said it. And he could look at you with those eyes so intensely that, for that moment there was no one else in the world, only you…It was a strange idea to think someone might know you that well, and empowering to know they wanted to. As she felt her cheeks grow warm, she felt his hand graze her rosy skin. She’d been afraid for it to end; she would stay very late that night. Chapter 8. More Secrets
“We have the same goals, same hopes and same fears.” Ashleigh thought. He is my best friend; he is the one I think of when I need to get something off my mind and tell someone, good or bad. I trust him more than I have ever trusted any one in my life. I want him to know everything about me because I believe that he truly understands and wants to listen. Ashleigh and Ben decided to go slow, Ashleigh was scared out of her mind, but Ben promised to be beside her. “I think it’s more than wonderful that we have a mutual romantic interest in one another; there is no rush, and no reason to either.” Ben told her. Ashleigh was in bliss. She went between being afraid of the unknown and courage to turn the corner. “If you get scared and emotionally run away, I’m not going anywhere.” Ben told her. “I am afraid that I want this more than you because I have wanted it longer. I want to see or talk to you everyday”. She said. Ashleigh and Ben spent three weeks deciding if they were truly dating. Ashleigh was worried about disappointing Leanne. When Ashleigh and Ben were together they would sit on the couch and he would hold her while they talked. “It’s nice to have someone to hold when you don’t want to be alone.” Ben told Ashleigh. Unfortunately Celeste was hanging
around like a stray cat. One day Ashleigh confronted Ben about Celeste. “Ben?
She asked. “Do you like Celeste, I mean really like her, like would you date
her? “No, Ben replied, she is a very whiny alcoholic, and she is clingy.
Celeste is too high maintenance for me.” Then do you mind if I ask you a favor?
Said Ashleigh. “Would you mind not hanging out with her? I think the only
reason she pays any attention to you is because she is reporting back to
Bianca. That really bothers me.” “I see your point, said Ben. I don’t think I
will be talking to her anytime soon.” Ben and Ashleigh talked about
everything under the sun. Even the subject of Bianca came up. “Bianca has such
a smug attitude.” Said Ashleigh. “She left what she did not want anymore and
found someone new. I want to give you the satisfaction of parading me around on
your arm in front of her. I want you to have the smug look on your face. The
face that says: “Bianca you are not the be all, end all, and I have moved on to
bigger and better things.” “I do have trust issues, big ones. She is the
reason, but I believe you have helped me heal, Ashleigh.” Ashleigh wanted to tell people so badly. “I want to shout from the roof tops that I am happy.” She told Ben. Her mother would not be happy. Leanne did not believe that Ben was able to care for a wife. Ashleigh knew that her mother had good points but Ashleigh prayed that she would be supportive. “I believe at this point that I will be willing to weather the good and the bad times, even though my logical brain says there will be more bad than good. I want to let you make me feel safe and loved. I am tired of waiting, I want this now. I want to run to you and let you make all the hurt go away.” Ashleigh told Ben. Ashleigh thought about Ben everyday and talked to him on the phone every other day. After a week kissed her, Ben was Ashleigh’s first kiss. On the couch Ashleigh told Ben that this was a perfect moment. I was watching “My Life as Liz” last night and heard the perfect quote, she said. "Sometimes you have a night so perfect that you don’t want to wake up and face reality."- Liz Lee. This was perfect Ashleigh could stay in Ben’s arms forever. He squeezed her tight and said, sit up a minute. He looked at her for a long time, and then he said that he had wanted to kiss her for a long time. Ashleigh knew that. He asked her what she thought. Ashleigh told him that she would be ok with that, but it would be her first kiss and she would never be able to go back. He asked her how she wanted her first kiss to go. Ashleigh shrugged. “I have no idea.” Ben countered by saying, “There were three times just now that I could have just leaned in and kissed you.” Ashleigh said that she had no idea what she was doing. “I am in the dark, I cannot go back and I am standing still because I don’t know what to do next.” Ashleigh said. Ben took her hand in both of his. He said “You are not alone, I am right here; you have no reason to be afraid. He said: “Assuming that I am your first kiss,” She made a “really you’re questioning that” face. Ben looked her directly in the eye and said “Ashleigh, can I kiss you?” She said yes. Maybe the hard iced tea had affected her more than she thought, or maybe she just didn’t think. He leaned in; Ashleigh closed her eyes and he kissed her, not just a peck either. It was good but awkward. It was better than she expected, no nose bumping, it was nice. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in his chest. “You taste like strawberries.” He whispered. That sounded so cliché, she thought. Then he did just what happens in the movies. He lifted Ashleigh’s chin with his finger and kissed her again. It still felt sloppy and awkward but she was sure she would have a lot of practice. He took her back in his arms “we have 5 more minutes, until Michelle kicks you out.” That night Ashleigh was bursting to tell someone about the milestone she had just crossed. She took a chance and gave Amelia a few details. “Ben told me he likes me.” Ashleigh told her sister. Amelia thought she was kidding. “Of course he does” said Amelia, “and I just walked on the moon! You are kidding yourself, Ashleigh. I swear you get yourself so worked up you think the impossible things you want could really happen. Ben barely notices you; you just have a crush on him. And besides his marriage was a train wreck, why would you want him in the first place. Ben is damaged goods, Bianca’s leftovers. I don’t understand you sometimes.” “I know he likes me Amy, he kissed me.” Amelia looked at her sister quizzically. You’re taking this joke too far Ash. Do you really hate me so much that you would want me too never speak to you again?” Ashleigh let it go. She let Amelia believe it was a joke. All the while her heart sinking because she knew she would never get any support from her family. “You should see the look on your face Amy, I got you good.” With that she walked away. Ashleigh knew now that if Amelia believed the truth she would tell Leanne. That could not happen until Ashleigh was good and ready.
The next day Ashleigh ended up crying in Ben’s arms telling him what Amelia had said. Ben was upset. He held Ashleigh tight in his arms, letting her cry. He did not understand how her sister could be so hateful and mean. Ben told Ashleigh that he still did not know why she wanted him but he said “I’m yours”. “I don’t mean to come on so strong, but you’ve got to remember this isn’t new to me, though it is in a way more special.” Those words made Ashleigh melt. Ben said “Maybe your sister is not completely wrong. I do think you deserve better Ash. I don’t think you know what you’re getting into by dating me.” “You make me happy.” Ashleigh replied. Ashleigh went back into her own head for a minute. He has said before that if he makes me happy then this might work. She thought, I think he needed me to say it out loud. He told me that I make him happy, why can’t he accept that he could make me happy too? Ben stared at her for a while then leaned in for a kiss. He was such an amazing kisser. She could sit there and kiss him all day. She was curled up in his lap, his hands stroking her bangs back from her forehead. This " her desire, their mutual desire " was more, every where, in every part of her body, with her all day, even when she wasn’t here, on his cozy sofa.” “I want to sleep with you so badly” he murmured into her hair. You’re too nice for that, aren’t you? Ben asked. He was shaking his head. “If that wasn’t the trait I loved about you the most I would tell you you’re a fool.” It hurt Ashleigh to pull away from his warmth, his touch. His hands had come to mean comfort. But she knew she had to go. Ashleigh loved spending time with Ben, an evening watching a movie in his bedroom, the anticipation of a kiss and more dancing between them like magic. He laughed his deep, warm, laugh. He loved that she was so real. It meant a lot to her that he’d seen that in her. She cared a great deal what he thought of her in general. Which got her thinking, what did she think about herself? A few weeks later Ashleigh found herself
in Leanne’s kitchen unloading the dishwasher so that she could wash the dinner
dishes. Ben was at the computer with Leanne, he was showing her a DJ program.
Michelle and Ben were spending the night at Leanne’s while their kitchen was
being renovated over the next two days. Ben and Ashleigh pretty much ignored
each other the whole night. Amelia and Michelle were talking, Amelia was turned
around on the last kitchen stool and Michelle was at the dinning room table on
the side. Leanne wanted to try the program herself and turned the good music
off, looking for her oldies. She was having a hard time getting the hang of the
program and it was taking a long time. Michelle said she was tired and went
upstairs around That night after everyone was in bed, Ashleigh kept thinking that Ben was right there in the guest room, but the air mattress was squeaky and she was not that bold. As soon as she made herself sleep, Ben crept into the room. Ashleigh’s dog gave a low growl and she shushed him. He stayed quiet. Ashleigh was lying on her side hugging her pillow. Ben whispered “you’re holding that pillow pretty tight.” “That’s because I don’t have you.” She said. She pulled back the covers on the other side of the bed and Ben climbed in beside her. “Are you sure this is alright? I don’t want to push you.” Ashleigh smiled, “I almost came to see you.” Ben and Ashleigh whispered for a while, and then he turned on to his back. She laid her head on his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. She asked him what time Michelle usually got up, and told him that he needed to be gone before anyone woke up. He agreed and she fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. I want to fall asleep like that forever, thought Ashleigh. The next time she was with Ben it
was at his house. They were working on the details of the trip to While Ashleigh and Ben were planning the phone rang. Ben looked at it, hung his head and sighed. Ashleigh figured it was Ben’s father. It was Leanne, but they both come up private caller. She was just calling to talk to Michelle. Ben told Leanne that Michelle would be back in a few minutes and he would have her call. He was pleasant and nice. After Ashleigh told him that she was proud of him for even having a conversation with Leanne. He said that he doesn’t like taking to her because he knows what it is like to have a controlling parent. Ashleigh said “Well usually I am the only one who can rag on my family but for some reason I don’t mind it when you say that.” “I am on your side.” replied Ben. “Yes”, said Ashleigh “but even if someone else wants to beat up my sister for the same reason I do they are still not allowed to touch her.” Later in the kitchen Ben came up behind Ashleigh and wrapped one arm around her. She leaned into him. He took her in his arms and kissed her slowly. She wrapped her arms around his neck, stood on tiptoe and kissed him back. Ben held Ashleigh at arms length; He stared into her eyes, making her fee like a painting in a museum. She felt as if he could see every one of her flaws. “I don’t know why I never noticed you like this before, you are beautiful. “Can I tell you how I feel?” Ben asked.” “I love you, Ashleigh.” Ashleigh’s eyes filled with tears, she could not breathe. She looked up at Ben, her eyes sparkling with delight. “I love you too” she said.” I always have”. “Marry me and lets have kids” said Ben with a grin spreading across his face. “Yes” said Ashleigh. “Just let me pick out my own ring.” Two days later Hilde called Ashleigh. Leanne had found out about Ben. “How did my mother even…Amelia.” Amelia would sell her sister out for a cookie if it were big enough. Leanne determined to find out more had pressed Hilde for information but Hilde claimed innocence. Ashleigh knew it was time to confront her mother. Ashleigh walked into Ben’s living room, fighting tears. “I am having a hard time telling my mother and I don’t know why, this is what I have been working towards.” Ben was sitting on the couch, he held out his arms, and said “Oh, sweetie, come here.” He smiled like it was kind of funny but he was trying not to laugh for Ashleigh’s sake. She sat with Ben stroking her hair until she stopped crying. He kissed the top of her head and asked her if she felt better. “Of course I felt better; you always make me feel better.” Ashleigh told Ben. The next day Ashleigh called Ben and told him that she loved him and he was her boyfriend and she had to tell her mother that day. “Mom I have been seeing Ben.” Ashleigh announced. Leanne blew a gasket. “Ben will never amount to anything because he will never give anything a real effort. You really think he can give you what you want? He has already fail at marriage once, do you want to be ex-wife number two!? She’d hated to hear his name handled that way. He’s
not a bad person! She’d wanted to scream. She hated her mother just
then. Ashleigh fought to keep her calm. “But Mom, he is smart and funny, and he is kind, loving and he makes me feel special…He makes me happy.” “You will find the person, who is right for you someday” Leanne retorted “the person who will give you the life you have always wanted. Ben is not capable of giving you what you need. His mother had to get him the job at the stable. You don’t want to have to rely on his mother for everything do you? You need someone to help you not someone you need to fix.” “I totally agree” Said Ashleigh, “But the heart wants what the heart wants.” She said with tears streaming down her face. “You are not to see him again, do you hear me!?” Shouted Leanne Ashleigh drove to see Hilde hoping for some comfort. On the way she called Ben in tears. “I don’t think I can do this anymore.” “I can’t disappoint my mother. I hate that I feel so guilty, but it is killing me that I have to choose between you and the one constant in my life. And she makes a good point. I hate it but she does. She said that you won’t make an effort and cannot give me what I need. Do you have anything to say to that? Do you have any defense? Damn it Ben, defend yourself! Show me I was not wrong about you! Prove to me you’re not what she says you are!” “You have said your piece and I
really don’t want to talk to you right now.” Was all Ben had to say? Ashleigh
was so upset she could hardly breathe. Later she told Hilde all about it. “It
will be awkward, going to the camp with him. I still love him and I cannot tell
him that. It kills me that he is hurting. I could fix it if not for family
loyalty.” Ashleigh said. “I want to tell him everything that I am thinking, but I am afraid that he does not want to hear from me because I was so hateful. That is my self pity. I just want to know what he is thinking. I have always wanted to know that. Sometimes I just think about the good moments we had. I think of those and everything seems ok, like we are still happy together. But I know that is not true.” “Have you tried writing him a letter?” Hilde asked. “Even if he does not respond, that may give you some closure.” Chapter 9. The
Retreat Ashleigh thought that was a good idea and decided to write Ben a final letter. She will leave it in his room at the farmhouse and if he does not say anything about it before the end of the trip she will know it is really over between them. “When I called you, I was upset, confused
and needing reassurance. I had just been bombarded with negativity from the
person that has been the one constant in my life. I was parroting back what I
had been told, unsure what to think. I relayed that information only wanting
your defense. But it never came. I kept asking you if you had anything to say and
received dead silence. If you needed time to collect your thoughts that would
be one thing, but you just wrote me off. You told me that I had made up my
mind, when that was not the case at all. I was dying to see you. I wanted you
to give me comfort and reassurance that what I wanted was not irrational. We
had plans that night. I would have expected you to want to keep them. I
desperately want to tell you I would have come if you asked, but the look on my
mother’s face might have stopped me. I fear disappointing her. I love my mother
no matter how overbearing and controlling she may seem, because I know she has
my best interests at heart. She has given me everything and I am afraid that if
I go against her warnings I will find tragedy. I wish I had a way to make mom
understand that I found a person that makes me happier than I have ever been, a
person that I trust. You are only person in the world that I trust with my
deepest darkest secrets. I trust you completely, for some reason a wave of calm
and relief washes over me when you walk in to the room. Like a huge weight has
been lifted. You know more about me than anyone else does. I can let my guard
down and not be afraid of getting burned. I never let my guard down otherwise.
I understand that I am young and have a lot to learn but, I can’t just walk
away and let you go. I got what I wanted, my day
dreams came true and I was afraid to accept it. I kept second guessing myself. I even second guessed you.
You told me you love me and I believe you. My heart is yours and I don’t truly
want it back. Every time I imagine my life in the future it is with you. I know
that you think I will find someone else, but I cannot even imagine that. I just
keep thinking of ways to be with you. Mostly I think that I want to run to you
and say that I’m sorry and I want to fight to be with you. You listened to me and that was
the best thing that ever happened to me. I have wanted that my whole life. You
were my fairy tale. I wanted to be content, and you gave me that. When life
does not go according to plan, I want you to be the one holding my hand. When
life is good and I am happy, I want you to share it with me. I understand that
it still may not work out in the long run, but can’t we just let it run its
course? I have nothing to be mad at you about, nothing to make me hate you,
nothing bad enough about you to make me want to move on. I tell myself that
this is now my life and I just have to accept that you are not in it.” You are loveable, caring, loyal,
intelligent, logical, strong, well read; inquisitive, original, adventurous,
amusing, rational, witty, cuddly, protective, intense, sincere, understanding,
empathetic, thoughtful…how many adjectives would you like? You are more real
than anyone I have ever met. You matter. And you make me feel like I matter.
You make me feel like the only girl in the world when you look at me. You turn
me into a sappy, love drunk, twit. I love you, Ashleigh Ashleigh arrived at “ The next day Sam was the first in the room. He saw the letter and wondered what it was about. As he put the suitcase on the bed the letter fell to the floor. He did not give it a second thought as he went out to help Ben unload the rest of their things. Leanne was upstairs in her room unpacking, she was concerned that Ben and Ashleigh would be in the same house during the trip but there was nothing she could do about it the arrangements were made months in advance and she does not want to others to be suspicious if she insists he bunk elsewhere. Besides, the camp has been filled to capacity. That was the whole plan right? Leanne trusts Ashleigh in the house but not Ben. Leanne has a job to do and she does not have time to baby sit them but does her best to keep tabs. Amelia is a good one for that job. Amelia was in the kitchen, Sam was in the second downstairs bedroom unpacking and Ashleigh was in the front bedroom. Ben came in and said “I guess I have the pull out chair in here.” I said, “Does my mother know about that?! She would kill you if that were the case.” He looked at Ashleigh and asked where he was supposed to sleep. She said “Stay in with Sam, duh…” Ashleigh was unsure of why Ben had come in here with that ridiculous statement. Had he read the letter yet? Amelia yelled to Ben to help her move a desk from the kitchen upstairs. He came in and started to lift it himself. Ashleigh yelled at him and told him to let her help or he was going to hurt himself. After that Ben was depressed and moody, determined to push Ashleigh away, feeling that women were responsible for all his troubles. Everyone was in the Great Hall getting to know one another. Ashleigh saw Ben, she smiled, and he always made her smile. Celeste sidled up to Ben batting her eyes and smiling flirtatiously. They started to talk and she made Ben laugh. Ashleigh looked over at them and almost went over to talk to them. Then Ben put his arm around Celeste and kissed her. Ashleigh almost threw up, but she was like a deer caught in the headlights, she could not look away. Ben looked right at her like he had done it on purpose because she was watching. Ashleigh blinked and walked away. “I have no right to say or feel anything because we are not together anymore.” Ashleigh thought. “I guess he did not think much of my letter. Whatever, why should I care, I have no say in anything he does or does not do. Not that I ever did but he at least told me things and wanted my approval of his actions.” That night Ben walked back to the farmhouse with Celeste hanging on him. She had really taken advantage of the open bar that evening, all the while telling Ben about her misadventures in romance. He unwrapped her arms from around him and left her on the porch swing to sleep it off. Ben came in the house; Sam was lying on the bed reading. “Ashleigh wants no part of me” Ben said “She avoided me like the plague tonight. “Oh,” said Sam “There was a letter on your bed this afternoon. Maybe that has something to do with it.” Ben found the letter on the floor. Ben read it on the spot and playfully punched Sam in the arm reprimanding him for not giving the letter to Ben when he first arrived. Trying unsuccessfully to sleep, Ashleigh was in bed facing away from the door. Her thoughts about Ben racing in her head a mile a minute. Ben tiptoed in and lay on the bed next to Ashleigh facing her back. He touched her back. “Ash?” “You need to get out.” Ashleigh said with gritted teeth. “I’m sorry about before…” Started Ben. “There is nothing to be sorry about; it’s none of my business anymore”. “Ashleigh, I was only trying to make you jealous…and it didn’t even work.” His voice sounded so dejected and raw. Ashleigh turned over onto her back with her arms crossed. “You just walked away, you didn’t even say anything.” “What was I supposed to do Ben? You are free to do what you like. I have no say in your life.” “I got your letter Ash; I had hoped you still meant what you wrote.” Ashleigh rolled over to face him with her head propped on her arm. “You were trying to make me jealous?” “Yes”. Ashleigh closed her eyes, pressed her lips together and sighed; Ben brushed her hair out of her face. “Well, it worked.” “Really!?” Said Ben “So does that mean I can stay?” “Yes you can stay, but you have to be gone before anyone gets up, my mother finds out and we’re both dead.” He kissed Ashleigh passionately and slid under the covers. He lay on his back and folded her into his arms. She laid her head on his chest and he kissed the top of her head. His finger caressed her cheek, and Ashleigh listened to her favorite sound in the world. His heartbeat. Early the next morning, Ben woke Ashleigh and told her that he would see her in a few hours. When Ashleigh woke up she saw Sam as she came out of her room. Sam gave Ashleigh a smirk and flung one arm around her shoulder. He told her that Ben was like a different person when he was with her. He said that Ben really needed this, Ben needed her, and she was good for him. Sam had never seen Ben so happy. “Just don’t tell anybody.” Ashleigh said. Sam said that it was written all over both their faces. It would be them that gave it away if anyone. Ashleigh became determined to try and control her face. She would have to keep up the charade of keeping her distance from Ben. Ashleigh just hoped that he would go along with it until they could talk in private. As soon as they were able to get away Ashleigh took Ben to an abandoned barn at the edge of the property. Standing there facing each other in broad daylight felt a bit awkward. It was much easier for Ashleigh to voice her feelings under the cover of darkness. A faint melody coming from the main house cut the tension. Ashleigh took Ben’s had and persuaded him to dance. They slow danced alone in the middle of the old barn with pigeons in the rafters. “Do you remember the last time we danced?” Ashleigh asked. The music stopped and it was all of a sudden awkward again. Ashleigh looked up at Ben and kissed him. Embarrassed she turned to walk away, hoping he did not see the redness rising in her cheeks. He grabbed her left hand and said “Come here.” Ben took Ashleigh in his arms and kissed her again, thoroughly this time. After that Ben held her in his arms for a long time with his face in Ashleigh’s hair. He whispered “Are you sure you want to try this again?” With her face still buried in his chest Ashleigh said “Yes, I’m sure.” They broke apart at the sound of a voice outside. It was Celeste, a little hung over from the night before looking for Ben. Celeste walked into the barn and Ben took Ashleigh’s hand. She followed him as he spoke to Celeste. “I don’t think it’s going to work with us Celeste”. She had a slight look of surprise on her face; Celeste turned and walked out muttering about finding some one who deserved her. “Thank you” Ashleigh said to Ben “For what?” He replied. “For wanting me, for loving my flaws, and for coming after me.” “You’re worth it.” He whispered. “I just need to convince my mother that you are worth it, show her that you are what I need and you make me happier than I have ever been.” Ashleigh told Ben later. “You need to prove to my mother that you are doing things for the right reasons. She is convinced that you have never really done anything unless you had an ulterior motive. I’d like to think I know you pretty well. I would like to think that I have seen good things in you that you hide from the rest of the world. You may come off sarcastic and mean, but that is your cover. You have never been mean to me, you even said that you gave Bianca a hard time, but you didn’t want to push my buttons.” “I need to be constantly reminded that I matter, that I am not alone and you need me just as fiercely as I need you. I have no illusions that this will be easy, but I am willing to make the effort and fight to make it work if you are. You’re my drug of choice, and for now I’d like to keep it to myself. This may come back to bite me if my family finds out, but maybe I can give my dreams a fighting chance.” Their happiness was short lived. The plan did not work, the retreat only brought in half of what the bank was demanding. The bank foreclosed on the land and buildings but contents are still property of the Townsend's. Mr. Townsend called Ben and Ashleigh in to the
barn office. I guess I don’t need to tell you what is going to happen next” He
said as he saw their long faces. Mr. Townsend is firm but fair. “Ashleigh” He
said “I can give you the choice of severance pay or a horse up for auction. Ashleigh walked over to Chapter 10.
Hillcrest In the months that followed
Ashleigh crumbled from the pressure of not being honest with Leanne and losing
her job. Ashleigh got mad at Leanne, so mad that she blurted out that she was
still in love with Ben and he loved her back. And that they had been seeing
each other again. Leanne was furious; she threatened to lock Ashleigh up until
her 25th birthday. Leanne decided that Ashleigh needs an
intervention. One day Ashleigh came home to find her friends and family all gathered at the house. She was confused as to what was going on. Amelia came out and took her hand. She brought Ashleigh into the living room and sat her down on the couch. “Ashleigh, Mom told us about Ben and we all think it is a bad idea. We are here to make sure you don’t go back to him.” Deep down she felt like her mother and all her friends could not be wrong about Ben. Could they? Ben was real, more real than
anything else she could see around her. He
mattered. Her mother’s yelling didn’t. But him, hell he did, unmistakably,
he did.”
It had been as if her whole life was happening to her right
then and there and she knew she could never want a thing more. Again Hilde came through. Ashleigh felt as though Hilde was a grandmother to her. Hilde was always there to listen and give maternal advice. “I feel like two different people,” Ashleigh lamented “one wants to just go to Ben and deal with the consequences later, and the other wants to please everyone else and do the right thing, stay on the straight and narrow because that is what will be the best in the long run, even if the journey is miserable.” I know you want to have the best of everything, but that is not the way life works sometimes, dear.” Hilde told Ashleigh “You might try and convince Ben to talk to your mother.” Maybe if he puts forth some effort… You know that your mother is only doing what she thinks is best for you right? You need someone who will take care of you, not the other way around. Ashleigh would meet Ben; she would prove them all wrong. Then she could tell everyone, “See, I told you. You just didn’t know. You weren’t there to see it. You couldn’t understand.”
“Just come with me and talk to my mother, if she sees how we are together maybe her opinion will soften.” Ashleigh begged Ben. “You know I can’t do that, I cannot face your mother.” “What makes her so scary to you? The fact that she is a strong woman? That is one of the things you love about me.” “Ash, your mother is like a lioness when it comes to you, would you want to take a cub from a lion?!” “I am an adult and she needs to just deal with that.” Did you ever think that maybe your mother is right about me? You don’t deserve to be saddled with a guy with no backbone. I cost you your job…don’t you think I have done enough damage? I think I have proven that I cannot handle any responsibility, and I am far too jaded to handle a relationship. How can I help you get over me and move on?” “I could not process everything in my head and I wanted you to tell me that everything would work out. I am angry because I needed you; I was looking for comfort and understanding. I hoped that you would see that I was running to you. I am asking you for help, Ben.” “I can’t help you, and you don’t need me, Ash. You said it yourself, you’re a strong woman, and you don’t need anyone.” “You’re wrong, I do need you, and you need me too. No matter how much you tell yourself other wise. That’s all there is to it. I don’t care that you say you’re jaded, I know that you have been hurt but this is different. I’m not her. We’re different together, you said so yourself. I know you meant it when you said you love me. You don’t say things you don’t mean.” Ashleigh said. “I belong with you, I feel like part of your family. I want to marry you. I am green with envy and jealousy because Bianca got to be married to you. SHE never deserved you. I deserve you. I deserve to have what I want. You say I will find someone else but I don’t want anyone else. It has always been you. I truly believe that is your low self esteem talking. I may have been confused and lost, but you are the one that wanted nothing to do with me. I would have come to you if you had just said the word.” “I cannot handle this Ash, if I stay you will hate me for holding you back and if I go you will blame me for not making an effort. My best option right now is to not screw up your future.” Ben walked toward Ashleigh who by this time was holding back sobs. He pulled her close and kissed her. “I’m leaving because I love you Ash.” “No” whispered Ashleigh as Ben traced her face with his fingers. “Goodbye” Ben said as he turned and walked away. Ashleigh was heartbroken, once again. “You’re the real thing”, Ben had told her, the real thing. She felt the tears burn but tried to swallow the sound. She knew it was true. So why could they not just share their lives? Soon, soon she hoped she could stop asking her self that and just accept things the way they were. Ashleigh thought back to that first night of confessions. She’d wanted Ben to kiss her, had never wanted anything else as long for as she could remember. Would she take it back if she’d known how things would be now? Never. Ashleigh turned to Hilde once again, the one non-judgmental person she could think of. “I feel like I have been broken into a million pieces and will never be the same again.” Ashleigh told Hilde. “I keep hearing that I need to move on. I cannot move on but I cannot stay here. Here is miserable. Wanting what I am told I can’t have. Not knowing if Ben is pushing me away, running away or just doesn’t care.” “If he did not care he would not have told you he loved you.” Said Hilde. “He seems to want to do what is best for you, dear. Have you talked to him since?” “I’m sure he wouldn’t answer if I called. Ben told me we are done, he walked away.” “I don’t know what real love is like or if it even exists. There is a quote: “I would rather have a little pain now, than unbearable pain later.” Is that accurate? Does time really heal all wounds? From what I have experienced time makes things stronger. The longer I waited, the more I wanted Ben to see me, the more determined I got, I was bolder and threw caution to the wind. It seemed to work too.”
“I want to see him, I want to march up to his door and see him. I am forgetting his kisses and what his face looks like when he is looking at me thinking that I am beautiful. I know that the things Ben told me are straight from the playbook but I am inclined to still believe him. He had never lied to me as far as I know and I am not inclined to distrust him now. Ben is still making me crazy and he has no idea.”
“Ben told me to my face that I need to move on. Does that seem cruel to you? Well, I need some time before I can move on. I have been on this roller coaster for years and haven't been able to get off, no matter how many times I tell myself that I might get hurt.” Ashleigh ranted. Does Michelle know how you feel? She may be able to talk to Ben and see if she can get you some closure. Said Hilde after Ashleigh was finally out of breath. “No, but I will try and talk to
her. I hate to put her in the middle of things with me and Ben. Thank you for
listening to my babbling, I really needed someone to talk to.” “Anytime dear”,
replied Hilde “now drink your tea, it’ll calm your nerves.” Later that week Ashleigh called Michelle. “I don’t know how to fix it. That is one weakness of mine, the need to fix things, to fix the people I love. You are like my family, no matter what relationship Ben and I have.” Said Ashleigh. “You are more than welcome to come over anytime,” said Michelle. I don’t know if Ben will want to see you, but you can always come talk to me.” Ben was surprised to see Ashleigh when he came downstairs one day, he looked at her and said hello then acted like she was not there. Ashleigh knew that he must need to process things. When she was ready to leave she went upstairs. She knocked on Ben’s door. “Is it alright that I’m here? She asked. “It’s fine,” Ben replied “what do you need?” I would just like to talk, nothing heavy, just talk like we used to.” Ashleigh and Ben talked for over an hour about computers, games, movies, friends, and life. Ashleigh was happier than she had been in a long time. Ben came downstairs after Ashleigh
left. “I can’t stay here,” Ben told Michelle “not with Ashleigh so close, it’s
too hard. I can’t protect her if she is around all the time. I need to put some
distance between her and I. I have decided to go to The next time Ashleigh called, Michelle told her about Ben’s move. Ashleigh was speechless. She had thought their talk had gone well. She had thought that her and Ben might just be able to have a fresh start of their own. Now she may never see him again. She ached now for the opportunity to tell him her deepest feelings things she had rehearsed hundreds, thousands of times before " the things that showed her self " confidence and independence and strength. Even after all they had been through. She wanted to see him and comfort herself with the knowledge that she was in love with him. He still meant the world to her. Ashleigh dreamed about Ben almost every night, it was a time that he would always be hers. She’d locked every detail in her mind, storing them in a place where she could always return. So that she would never loose the memory of him in her life. No, Ashleigh thought to herself. Remembering is making me miserable, I need to forget. Maybe she needed to find something pathetic and awful about Ben that would let her finally rid herself of him once and for all. But when you’re in love, you can’t see things like that, even when you can guess at them in some remote part of yourself. You only see yourself through that person’s eyes, and you want to be everything they want you to be so they can love you, and so you can breathe. When you can’t see anything in their eyes, you are nothing. Ashleigh didn’t want to hurt anymore. She wouldn’t let him take her away. She would remember who she was. Hilde gave Ashleigh some great advice. “I feel sad, I feel guilty, and I’m afraid. I’m afraid I’m never going to get out of this fog that I’m in.” Ashleigh had told her. “You’re grieving dear”, said Hilde, as she handed Ashleigh a mug of steaming hot chamomile tea. “Not only for the love you lost, but for the life you had envisioned. You’re grieving for the future and all the plans and dreams you had in your head, now that’s all gone. You have to give up the life you planned to find the life that’s waiting for you. All our lives we grow by giving up things, by loss and moving on. How we handle those losses defines who we are. If you don’t acknowledge those feelings they will never get out of your way. Unacknowledged feelings are like a drunken cousin at a family reunion, they never shut up so you can hear anyone else. And you have to be able to hear what’s next in your life, what path you might want to travel down with or without that person. You have to be able to see what is right there, right there in front of your eyes.” Ashleigh decided to find another
job. She applied at every stable that she could think of. The only place that
was hiring was Hillcrest was so extravagant that
Ashleigh felt small and insignificant. Even the broodmares and stallions were
conceited and had a sense of entitlement. Her job was to cater to the snobby
riding students and muck stalls. She did not mind the barn work, feeding
and turning out horses was calming for her. She loved the smell of sweet feed
and fresh hay. The barn contained 10 lesson horses and 7 broodmares and 2
stallions, 5 boarders and Shiloh There was a huge outdoor arena, an even bigger
heated indoor arena, 30 box stalls, 2 wash stalls, 2 farrier
stalls, 2 heated tack rooms equipped with a washer and dryer, 20
acres of grass turnout, vinyl fencing throughout, a heated administrative
area with offices, a heated viewing room for parents, a conference
room, a heated clubhouse for riders, and showering facilities. For those
parents who did not want their children coming home smelling like a horse. At Hillcrest Ashleigh met Chelsea
Lee. They were about the same age and became fast friends. Ashleigh found that
she was very comfortable around Chapter 11. Three Years Later…
Ashleigh has done very well for herself. She has become one of the
breeding managers at Hillcrest, making good money, but she still felt she was
working for a corporation. She has suppressed her romantic life for her
career. She has locked her heart away in hopes that Ben will realize his
stubborn pig headedness and come after her. She has not found anyone she is
even willing to date casually, despite Ben walked up the driveway muttering to himself, “You can do this, you can do this, you love her”, over and over again under his breath. Ashleigh opened the door on the third knock, everything he wanted to say just ran out of his head as he stood there staring at her. She was even more beautiful than he remembered. Ashleigh was stunned. She thought she was almost over him, she thought she had moved on. Ben just looked at her and she suddenly saw what it was about him that had made her love him " the very same thing that kept her so paralyzed now. In him there was knowledge of her that no one else shared. Ashleigh finally spoke, “Ben, what are you doing here?” “I came to get you back.” He said, his breath catching on the last word. She pushed the door open further revealing a tall husky man standing in the kitchen. “Ben this is David Green.” “Oh, hi.” “How are ya”, David replied. “Ben turned his gaze back to Ashleigh, “I guess I’m too late,” He looked down at his feet, “didn’t mean to intrude.” He looked at her and cleared his throat, “Goodbye Ashleigh”. He turned and started down the driveway, blinking away the drops forming in his eyes. “Ben wait,” she called “this is David, my landlord. He was just fixing the faucet.” “Call me of you need anything,” David said. “Nice to meet you Ben” he said as he walked out the door. Ben was almost speechless “Uh, yea, you too.” “Sorry,” Ashleigh said “it just seemed like the thing to do at the time. Come in; let’s hear what you have to say for yourself.” He shut the door behind him, “I’ve taken responsibility, made an effort and I love you.” He dropped to one knee, “Ashleigh O’Conner, will you marry me?” Ashleigh was breathless, but she finally found her voice. “You think that’s all it takes, a pledge of love and a proposal? This isn’t a movie Ben, I’m not just going to go weak at the knees and fall into your arms.” In reality it took all the strength she had not to do just that. He got to his feet, “Ashleigh it took me a while to realize that you are right, I do need you and to be with you I needed to shape up. I made the effort. Sam and I started an electronics repair business, and I finished my novel. I want to build us your dream house, Ash. I am ready to take care of you in the way you deserve. So I’m going to ask you again: Do you still want to spend the rest of your life with me?” “Yes.” She said with tears in her eyes. She fell into his arms and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing him like she had only read about in books. “I don’t need a dream house Ben, wherever you are, that’s home to me.” Ben slipped a ring on Ashleigh’s finger. “Don’t worry it’s just a promise ring, I remember you told me not to pick out your engagement ring with out you.” “Mmm, I love that you remember that.” “So you love me again?” asked Ben. “I never stopped loving you, not for a minute.” “Then I have just one question, who taught you to kiss like that?” “Baby, don’t look so worried,” she said in a teasing tone “No one, I told you I like to read romance novels! I’ve picked up some things.” “I’ve missed you.” Said Ashleigh. Ben took a deep breath, “I missed you a lot.” Ben stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Ashleigh. He rested his chin on the top of her head. Ashleigh looked at Ben and wrapped her arms around his neck, then, she touched his face with her left hand. “I was so afraid I had lost you.” She said with tears in her eyes. Ben ran his fingers through her hair, kissing her, and everything was just like before. Ashleigh took Ben’s hand as they walked to the door of her mother’s house. “You’re sure you’re ready to do this?” Ashleigh asked. “As sure as I ever will be,” said Ben “but lets hurry and get this over with before I change my mind.” “Mom” Ashleigh called as she opened the door. “I need to talk to you”. “Oh, hello Ben” Leanne said icily, with a glare that could cut glass directed toward Ashleigh. “Mrs. O’Connor” Ben said very fast so as not to let Leanne interrupt. “I would like to take this opportunity to show you my business plan, and ask for your blessing to marry your daughter.” “Let’s see that business plan then.” said Leanne. After looking over all the information that Ben offered, Leanne spoke softly. “You seem to have your affairs in order, may I have a word with my daughter in private.” Ben went outside glad that Leanne had not just dismissed him at once. He paced the driveway kicking up the dust for what seemed like an hour. A few minutes later Ashleigh came rushing out the door, and jumped into Ben’s arms. “She said yes!” Ashleigh squealed. Ben walked to the door and shook Leanne’s hand. “Thank you so much, you don’t know how much Ashleigh means to me.” “It’s how much you mean to her that matters to me” said Leanne “now get out of here before I change my mind.” She said with a half smile. They were married the following September. Ashleigh had planned her wedding years before so the preparations went quickly. All she needed was the dress, a reception hall and a menu. Ashleigh spent the week before the wedding with her mother, staying in her old room. Ben pulled up in front of the house, Michelle got out and went to the garage to talk to Leanne and give Ben and Ashleigh some privacy. Since they were putting the finishing touches on the wedding plans, Ashleigh would not see Ben again until the wedding. Ashleigh came out the front door flinging her arms around Ben and kissing him right there in the front yard. Ashleigh took Ben’s hand and led him upstairs to her old room. He held her and kissed her as they talked about the wedding plans. She lay on her back on the bed with Ben next to her, she held his hand. Quiet, just thinking, thinking about her childhood in this room. The ceremony was in the morning on a
pier at the ocean in The reception was at the Bar Harbor Inn overlooking the harbor. The lunch menu consisted of finger sandwiches, and catered hor’derves, along with the wedding cake. A separated 3 tiered cheesecake. Ashleigh decided that she did not want a traditional reception. She did not like to dance, and she thought that the bride and groom should cut the cake and open presents early. The event proceeded as follows, lunch was served first, then the cake was cut, and the music and dancing started as they opened presents. In the hotel room later that night, Ashleigh was a bundle of nerves as Ben slid his hands down the front of her dress, brushing her breasts and settling at her waist. She felt like the prize animal at a fair, the way Ben was staring at her. All those afternoons kissing and this was what it came down to; she had no idea what she was doing. She began to blush, closing her eyes and covering her face with her hands. “You must hate me” she said “I wish I weren’t so awkward at this.” “You’re fine.” he whispered. “Go take this off and meet me back here.” Ashleigh went into the bathroom. She let down her hair in front of the mirror. She was beautiful she thought to herself. No need to be self conscience. She stripped to her new lacy undergarments and put on the sheer black negligee from her bachelorette party. She opened the door to the bedroom. The lights were dim and she slid under the covers next to Ben. He was in just his boxers. He took her in his arms and kissed her. “Don’t be nervous, just relax.” Ben took off the negligee and unfastened her bra. He laid her back down on the bed and caressed her skin. She let out a sigh. She had been holding her breath. He kissed her neck and shoulders then made his way down her body caressing her with his mouth. He kissed her breast and took her n****e in his teeth. The sensation made her whole body shiver. “Make love to me” she whispered. She sat up and lifted her arms; He slipped his tongue into her mouth and she barley even noticed him working her panties off. He used his fingers arousing her passion. He slid himself slowly into her trying not to hurt her. She felt tight, he made her feel full. He slid up just enough, the friction brushing her nub and she shivered all over. He hips suddenly had a mind of their own as she arched against him bring him deeper inside her. She slowly ground her hips against him. He let her find a rhythm, and sank into ecstasy. Afterwards, he gathered her up, wrapping both arms around her. “I love you”, he whispered in the darkness. Ben woke Ashleigh the next morning. “I have a surprise for you, said Ben. I made reservations at a special bed and breakfast for our honeymoon.” “Ok… Ashleigh said, where?” “That is the surprise. We leave tomorrow.” The next day they set out for the surprise
honeymoon destination. Ashleigh kept trying to guess where they were going but
Ben’s lips were sealed. As they drove further and further north, Ashleigh began
to recognize some of the landmarks. She gasped when Ben drove into the driveway
to Chapter 12.
Ashleigh’s Dream House After the honeymoon Ben and Ashleigh decided to stay in her tiny apartment at Hillcrest until they found suitable land to build on. One day Ben came home very excited. He had a piece of paper in his hand. “Townsend Farms is for sale!” “Again”, Ashleigh said, “that poor farm has changed hands so many times I am surprised that all the old buildings are still standing. No one can seem to keep that place in business.” “Let’s buy it!” Said Ben. “But”… said Ashleigh. Ben came up to her and cradled her face with his hand. “Let’s buy it and I will build our house there. You can finally have your farm and quit Hillcrest. We can finally save Townsend Acres together. The only thing that you have to think about is what you will do with it.” As soon as the sale was finalized,
Ashleigh drew up the plans for the house and started working on the renovations
to the stables. Ashleigh had decided to run a non " profit therapeutic riding
center, Wild Acre. With the help of Danielle, Heather and Hope House, she was
able to obtain funding and man power to reinstate the Hope House Riding
Program. This time though it was much bigger. Girls from all over volunteered
their time to help out with the lessons and in turn they were taught by the
assistant instructors. There were four instructors and four assistant
instructors. The assistants were chosen from an internship program with the
university. They were unpaid but grateful for the experience. It also helped
that this job counted for almost half of their grade. Wild Ben was working on his second book and the house was finally built. There was a 25 foot dirt driveway coming off the paved road with a black mailbox on the right side from the road. The front door of the house was white with a rectangular window in it. The door led into the kitchen. It was a white kitchen. On the same wall as the door to the right there were hooks lined up with coats, a tray for shoes and to the right of that cubbies for shoes and other outdoor wear things. To the left was a large cast iron wood burning cook stove. To the right were shelves, cupboards and counters there was also a window above the counter centered on the wall. Straight ahead was a counter on the left side then a sink then another countertop and the fridge in the right corner. At the edge of the old cook stove there was an opening to the living room and dining room. The living room was straight ahead and the dining room to the right. There was a fireplace on the left side of the living room with a raised brick hearth about a foot high that spanned the length of the wall. On the other side of the wall was the cook stove because the chimney was in that wall. The living room was a butter yellow color, through the double doorway into the dining room. There was a black couch centered on the far wall with a 12 by 24 window running above it. In front of the couch was a rectangular light oak coffee table. On the opposite wall there was a large flat screen TV with a very expensive looking sound system. In the left corner of that wall was an oak staircase that led upstairs. To the right were French doors that lead to a deck that wrapped from the left side of the house all the way around the back. When you walked into the dinning room there was an 8 seat rectangular cherry dinning set. This room was a bright moss green. On the right wall there was one square window centered in the middle. On the back wall are three long evenly spaced out windows with bamboo shades. On the left wall there was a glass door in the back corner that went out to the deck with a light brown bamboo shade... Next to that was the door to the basement and then there were open accordion doors that led to a small laundry room behind the wall of the flat screen TV. It was late spring; Ashleigh was wearing a yellow t-shirt with tan slacks and sandals. Her wedding ring glinted in the sun. It was silver with 3 round diamonds, the middle larger and the side ones smaller with a plain silver band. Ashleigh ran into the house and locked the door. She knew that Ben would have forgotten his keys. She glanced in the dinning room; the dog and cat were still sleeping. Ashleigh was angry and upset; Ben had driven in behind her, and was now trying to get in the house and she was yelling at him. What was the fight about? Money, what else. Ben wanted new equipment for his garden, but Ashleigh, thought buying new equipment was frivolous when what he had was just fine. Ben was adamant, but after the whole stable fiasco, Ashleigh handled the family finances. Ashleigh got upset, “just because the house is built does not mean that we do not still have a mortgage” she yelled. Ben got angry and Ashleigh jumped in her car. Ben was angry that she had left and came after her. Ashleigh was afraid that he was coming after her in a blind rage. Ashleigh wanted Ben to go away and give her some space but he was persistent and saying “You can’t do this to me unlock the door”! Ashleigh was crying as she called Leanne. Leanne drove in the driveway and went over to Ben, her crutch clicking as she walked. She spoke calmly to Ben on the right side of the house. There was a ramp down from the deck on that side. Ben was sitting on the railing with his head in his hands. Ashleigh was watching from the window in the kitchen. Leanne came to the door and Ben stayed on the side of the house. Ashleigh let Leanne in and locked the door behind her. They talked and Ashleigh calmed down. “Ashleigh, honey, you married him knowing that things like this might happen.” said Leanne. “What did you plan to do about it?” “You’re not helping Mom.” Ashleigh replied. “Sorry, what do you want me to say?” “If you two really love each other you will be able to work things out.” Leanne said as she hugged her daughter.
Ashleigh stopped crying. “Ben said he was sorry for scaring you, he just wants to talk things out.” Leanne said. “He has calmed down; I think you should talk to him.” Ashleigh went to open the door of the animal crate while she collected her thoughts. Ben was standing outside the kitchen door and Leanne went out. The door opened in, the knob was on the right from the inside. Ashleigh held onto the knob as if she needed its support to stand up, gripping it tightly. Ben came to the door and stood on the metal threshold. He said “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it”. He wiped a tear off Ashleigh’s right cheek with his thumb. She shrugged and said “its ok,” she took a deep breath “I’m alright now.” Ashleigh stood on tiptoe, put her right hand on his shoulder and kissed him for a second. Ben put his arms around her and pulled her close to him with her arms tucked in. He put his chin on her head and held her for a minute. Leanne was still in the driveway. Ben kissed the top of Ashleigh’s head. Then he let go and she pulled away. Ashleigh looked at Leanne; Ben stepped into the house and stood behind Ashleigh with his right arm around her waist. Leanne said “Are you going to be ok now?” Ashleigh nodded and said “Yea, we’ll be ok.” Leanne said “Call me if you need anything”. “I will”, Ashleigh said. She waved goodbye and shut the door as Leanne backed out of the driveway. Ashleigh turned to face Ben. He took her right hand in his left; they took off their shoes and put them in the tray by the door. Ashleigh led Ben to the couch and sat down on the left. He sat in the middle. Ben took her other hand, leaned in, looked at Ashleigh in earnest and said, “Do you still love me?” “Yes…of course I do,” Ashleigh said with a smile, “I started this remember?” Ben closed his eyes and smiled; “I remember”, he brushed a piece of hair away from her face, “I love you”, he said. She said “I love you too”. “Good”, he said; “we’re alright again?” “Yea”, Ashleigh said, “we’re alright”. She took a deep breath, sighed and smiled. Ashleigh put her hand on his chest and pushed him back into the right side of the couch; she wrapped her arms around him and started a pretty good make out session. Later as they sat on the couch, the late afternoon sun streamed in through the doors. Ben picked up the remote and leaned back. Ashleigh snuggled her head on his chest and he wrapped one arm around her. Life was good again…for a while at least. Ashleigh felt blissfully happy and warm as she fell asleep. After supper, Ashleigh was washing dishes; Ben came up behind her, wrapped his arms around her and kissed her neck. She giggled at the tickle and told him to cut it out she was almost done. He jumped up and sat on the counter next to the sink and looked at her with that cat ate the canary grin. She rolled her eyes and laughed. Ben grabbed a towel and started drying the dishes. Ashleigh drained the water out of the sink and Ben left the last dishes in the drainer. He came up behind her again and wrapped his arms around her waist. This time she leaned against him, closed her eyes and let him hold her. He turned her toward him and she buried her face in his chest. He rested his chin on top of her head and kissed her hair. He tilted her chin up with his thumb and kissed her passionately. “Come on lets go upstairs” he said. He wrapped one arm around her back and propelled her up the stairs.He turned to go back down stairs, “Forgot to turn off the lights”. He said. By the time Ben came back Ashleigh was tucked under the covers. He stripped down to his boxers and pulled back the bed covers. She was wearing a dusty rose colored negligee trimmed with black lace that came to just above her knees. He climbed in bed and splayed his hand over her stomach; he balled the cloth in his hand and kissed her mouth hungrily. He planted kissed across her stomach, between the valley of her breasts, then to her collar bone and her neck. She moved underneath him and his hands slid down her hips and pushed up the silky fabric, only to find nothing underneath. She slid her hands down his hips pushing his boxers to his ankles. With a deft movement he was free of them, and she groaned at the feel of his hardness against her. He traced his fingers up her inner thigh, tunneling his fingers into the warm folds between her legs. She moaned as one finger found passions bud. She writhed under him and he almost lost control. He took a sharp breath, covering her breast with his mouth and swirling his tongue around her n****e bringing it to a hard peak, he knew she was almost over the edge when he felt her shudder. He slid his fingers away and replaced them with his hardened length, and she arched up against him as he slowly filled her. He fully sheathed himself inside her and she began to grind her hips against him. Her arms no longer limp at her sides wrapped around him scoring his back with her finger nails as he thrust in to her again and again. She arched her back and he slid one hand around her to keep her pressed close. He slowly withdrew one more time then thrust his shaft deep inside her, spilling into her as she cried out in ecstasy. She shuddered once more and went limp in his arms, the only movement was her inner muscles convulsing around him. He let out a shaky breath and sank down to the mattress beside her. She turned on her side keeping them joined together, breathing heavily. He waited until she relaxed then slowly slid out of her. Spent she fell asleep her hair spilling onto his chest. When he awoke she was propped up on one arm watching him. She gave him a sly smile, “my turn” she said kissing his chest. She moved lower kissing and caressing, rolling his balls between her fingers. She slid her fingers down his manhood in a maddening caress, sliding one finger across his already moistened tip. He almost came off the bed. She came up on her knees, took his length in her hand and slid on to him. She flipped her hair back, closed her eyes, and rolled her head back. She rode him hard like a true cowgirl. He slid one hand between them fingering her to finally bring her to climax. She took a shuddering breath as she pressed against him. He held her close and kissed her as waves of pleasure washed over them. He moved away from her and kissed her closed eyelids. He pulled the sheet around her and walked to the bathroom, she sat up watching him with a sultry smile. He changed into flannel pants and an old t- shirt. When he returned he found her wrapped in the sheet rummaging in the dresser. She flipped him a smile and waltzed into the bathroom. She came back in one of his t- shirts. She climbed in to bed and reached over to her dresser and handed him the remote. He kissed her hair, “I love you” he said. “Don’t stay up too late” she replied. He wrapped his arm around her as she snuggled down next to him. Later as he fell asleep he realized that her soft even breathing comforted him more than he had ever noticed before. He spooned against her and let the sound lull him to sleep. The next morning was like any other, she woke before him and padded downstairs to make a cup of tea. She knew he would not be up for a while so she mixed the pancake batter and put it in the fridge. After her shower, she leaned over him waking him to tell him she would be in the barn. She kissed him and he went back to sleep. Wild Lying in bed in her familiar room
at the After Ashleigh told Ben, they were bursting to tell Hilde
and Ian. They all sat around the dining room table and Ashleigh told them the
news. Hilde was speechless. Ian got that twinkle in his eye. He stood and took
some papers from a locked drawer in the hutch. I have been saving these for
just such an occasion. Since we have no
children we would like to leave the Epilogue: Ashleigh laid Piper Jillian to
sleep in the bassinette next to the rocking chair in front of the fire place at
the © 2015 Piperjillian |
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PiperjillianAboutI am a little self-conscience and prefer to stay mostly anonymous. I would really love positive or constructive critisism of my stories and poems. more..Writing
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