Joining Backwards

at best a working progress.

Oh! What I would do

to run away and be with you.

To escape this vault.

To flee the default.

And live our lives

as though indeed ours:

leave behind pretences

and all those wasted hours.

Is it a lot to leave

behind? When we have everything

left but time.

Reviews

[Clockwork]

Life is our choice in the end even when circumstances seems to be at there worst. The idea of the situation as a vault is interesting. It gives me the feeling that the speaker is trapped within and can not escape.

I think that ending the poem with "Is it a lot to leave
behind?" Is a good thing. I would suggest making the last stanza one whole sentences and formatting this way:

Is it a lot to leave behind/
When we have everything left but time?

I think that is one whole idea. In the original I feel like their shouldn't be the pause of a punctuation.

You could also do it like this:

Is it a lot to leave behind?
We have everything left but time.

Some food for thought

[Pinkjumpers]

I'm glad the idea of a 'vault' achieved what was intended!
I think that I shall take your advice about the last stanza although I was attempting to create a final confused impression via a messy structure but I was always in doubt over it's effectiveness!
Thanks for reading and your advice :)

[Clockwork]

Your welcome!