Invisible

Invisible

 I spent my life becoming invisible. It's hard to keep up, and it's hard to undo. The first time I was noticed by another human being was when I was sixteen. A boy in my French class, Joshua - kind, smart Joshua who was confident and happy - took an interest in me. Most girls would have jumped at the chance to be around him. I was too used to being a wallflower; I couldn't help but try and shut him out of my mind. I was uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship and awkwardly declined to go out with him several times. 

I assumed he would forget about me soon enough, and let me fade into the background the way I was supposed to. Instead, he did quite the opposite. He pursued the idea of us "at least trying it" and took every opportunity to be near me. I conceded eventually and went with him to a party at his house. There were many people there, most from my school - although I hardly recognised anyone, and Joshua promised he'd stay with me the entire time so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable. 

When the music became too loud and the atmosphere too much for me, he led me into his bedroom and shut the door. Quietness, blissful quietness, surrounded me. I was finally starting to come out of my shell, thinking maybe I had found a good friend at last, and opened my heart to him a little more. 

It wasn't long before he leaned in to kiss me, and I let him, and I didn't realise that he had leaned in so far that I couldn't push against him to stand up until it was too late. I moved my head away and told him to let me sit up properly, but he caught my words in his mouth and pushed me further. I told him I wanted to leave, that I wanted him to leave me. He said he had promised not to leave my side. 

I started to argue with him and try and push myself away, but maybe my words weren't loud or clear enough or I was too weak, because he didn't notice and carried on and held me down while--

I'm writing this now because no one listened to me before. Joshua told everyone I asked for it, encouraged him, and even my parents believed him. "It's always the quiet ones," they'd say, shooting disgusted glances in my direction. No one listens to me. My invisibility was a blessing and a curse. I was largely forgotten about. No one believed me, because Joshua was perfect and everyone knew and liked him, and people thought that underneath my shell was something wild and unknown. I could have been anything. Including what Joshua said I was.

Author's Note

This is not based on real life experiences, for anyone wondering.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

To your credit as a writer, this sounds very real and convincing. I've known too many guys who betrayed an innocent girl's trust this way, but could never understand thier being so cruel and inconsiderate. Love and affection must be mutual and freely given, or else it's something else entirely, and of no value. Excellent writing.

[lee von cleef]

Another tight thought,well done,"He caught my words in his mouth" this is real poetry,now the tough part,find that same you, original, word weight,to say how it ends,Take what you finished with bend the words their weight,make people look inside them selves and feel,feel the injustice,of their judgements.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

You give a good representation of date rape in this short story. It is a topic that should be discussed and recognized. Nobody "asks" to be mistreated. The writing is from a believable perspective and the emotional flow is spot on. Well done and good writing.

[TLK]

I teach 17 year olds (A-Levels). I feel I'm pretty aware of the general level of talent in the age-group which means, as a teacher, I think they're all rubbish and don't do enough homework.
However, this is excellent. The second line (keep up... undo) comprises an excellent hook that propels the reader forward, because of the tension it contains. "I spent my life becoming invisible" is a good first line, but on its own probably would not be enough for me. There are plenty of invisible characters in superheroes and science fiction, so cynical readers (like me) could say 'so what?'. The second line is what really captures the audience, because it promises that there is a weakness in the strength of being invisible... or, of course, a strength in the weakness. Being different is always both good and bad in unequal measures.

The 'event' that happens between the character and Joshua is excellently left unsaid. It is up to the reader to decide what happened, and that will reflect their understanding and prejudices. Me? I think they did more than play Donutters (you know, with the elephant masks) and that Joshua knew he'd be able to spin the event positively.

What brings it home is "something wild and unknown". It really leaves you with a powerful sense of the true awfulness of being invisible.

As I said, I'm a teacher, and I'm afraid I can spot a learner. Here are two suggestion for further reading (and reading is the advancement of the writer. When I'm not writing, I'm reading. IT IS DISCIPLINE).

1, literature) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Invisible_Man
This is an amazing look at the social and psychological effects of being invisible. It's about 'race', and a particularly powerful and poetic scene involves black paint being turned white. The metaphor behind it is just astonishing.

2, philosophy/classics) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ring_of_Gyges
Plato considered the effects of power on a person, and truly believed that power was a bad thing for somebody not prepared through developing an intellectual selflessness. The story of the Ring of Gyges is an excellent allegory to show the folly of power. Sadly it gave rise to the crappy film 'Hollow Man'.

[shawlyn]

Hi R.J,
Lovely piece of writing. You kept the flow going beautifully. The twist in Joshua's character from white knight to evil twin was very well executed. Keep it up.
Regards
Shawlyn

[MoriartyMesa]

What I enjoyed about this was the total truth of Joshua, not someone who is unnoticed but how do you put it?
"My invisibility was a blessing and a curse. I was largely forgotten about."

that flow of words, that meaning, was all I needed.

[TC Dunn]

very nice work... I wasn't expecting the turn there in the middle. I thought when I first started reading this that it would be a story about first love... I couldn't have been more wrong. Well done.

[.]

So I thought I'd bide my time by reading a couple stories on this website. I mean, why not?

Well, usually because I end up horrified. A lot of people are horribly bad at writing. And I am horrified right now, but for once it's actually what you, the author, were aiming for. So at the same time I'm also happy.

That was a very entertaining read, the story flowed well, the plot was interesting (and!) original and I've been writing about how good it is for five entire minutes now.

[Krystyna Herst]

This is really good, I have no other words to describe it. Hoping for more from you :DDD