Fading Amber

A prematurely aged soldier heads into a seemingly impossible battle with only the memories of his tormented past and the loss of his lover to accompany him

Middle East: March 16^th 2009

The sun rose to it’s highest height, or it seemed so anyway, it was a monolith attested to the struggle that Kyle was currently under going, mocking his effort and doing it’s best to hinder it. His body was screaming at him to stop, his aching muscles cried, his head throbbed, his chest became increasingly unsettled. But nevertheless he wouldn’t stop running, his M4 in hand, toward the sound of gunfire, screams and ensuing chaos. Kyle knew it was risky, but back-up was far away and people needed help. Of course he knew that wasn’t the only driving force behind his defiant charge toward the apartment block that had been attacked by a suicide bomber just moments before.

            Kyle knew he was fleeing from his inner pain and torment. Of course not a day went by when he didn’t feel some sort of emotional exhaustion or sadness clenching at his insides as if to trying to expel them from his body. Was he subconsciously trying to end it all? Was the memory of Amber burning his mind so much that any fate would be better by comparison? All he knew was that he couldn’t give up. For some reason or another, he couldn’t give up. His mind streamed with memories, not many of them very good ones. It wasn’t the time but he couldn’t help it. At least it took his mind off the commands of his body to stop and rest.

            He felt the wrinkles that covered his palms scrape against the gun as he gripped it tighter from the adrenaline. His long grey hair flew in front of his eyes in wisps that he had to try and bat away with his breath. The truth always hit him hard when he thought about it, he’d had over ten years to adjust to it…but it never got any easier. Kyle was only 30 years old. However his Werners Syndrome that had attacked him at the age of 19 and relentlessly deteriorated him from the inside out was now at an advanced stage, he looked at least 60 years old. And his body felt it too. Hardened arteries, wrinkled skin, a raspy, throaty voice. He was 30 in name only, he felt like an old relic that belonged at the back of a museum, or in a tomb that age and living interest had long since forgotten.

            The Middle East was a violent place, filled with death and discontent. Maybe he deserved nothing less than to suffer at the hands of war, after all his mind was filled with bitterness and hate that he loathed himself for. And yet he could not cease to gloss over it all when his emotions took a funny turn. He turned a corner, stunning bystanders, indeed, a soldier who looked like an OAP running towards a battle zone with an M4? Even he could see the funny side of it. The apartment block was in sight. Not long now. Would he die? Would he live? Would it make a difference either way? Kyle didn’t care. Memories of Amber and the heart wrenching pain she had caused him filled his mind. He had to escape. It had gone on for too long. One memory in particular filled his mind.

 

XXXXX

Washington: December 8^th 2008

The assembly stood up to applaud as the soldiers streamed into the elegant dining room. Cheers and hollers of praise lifted the spirits of the soldiers up to the very highest star that adorned the night sky. It was fitting that after months of strenuous fighting in the Middle East, they should receive some sort of recognition. Kyle walked next to his friend, Adam. Adam looked over at him and smiled “About time huh?”

Kyle spoke in his distorted tone “This is just a face, not that this even begins to justify it”

“Well there’s free drink and from the look’s of it…good looking women”

“Fill your boots”

Adam laughed.

            After a lengthy speech on how brave and valiant the soldiers were, the assembly descended into the expected hive of general conversation. Soldiers were traversing different tables, in search of new conversation and receiving more thanks and praise from patriotic civilians, sympathising despite a huge lack of knowledge as to what it was like to be out in the thick of war. Kyle sat at his table, talking to a few of his army buddies. He was well liked amongst his team, He was a sergeant and had been there for over eleven years. His peak physical condition had been unaffected by his Werner’s syndrome and his skill and mentality for battle were such that he was allowed to stay in the Army after his diagnosis.

            As they spoke happily about any topic that sprung to their heads, the kind of conversation that make good friends one of life’s luxuries and treasures, they were interrupted by a slender, dark blonde haired woman of about 30 years. She resonated beauty and also boldness of personality. She was clearly not the type of person who was settled with a husband and children. Beneath her good looks and natural sensuality lurked a personality that was capable of the softest compassion, or the most striking anger, wistful romanticism, or powerful lust. Emotional fickleness and charming grace all rolled into one alluring and desired figure of a woman. Kyle recognised her immediately.

            “Hi I’m a reporter and was wondering if I could interview you guys”

“Sure thing” said Matt, one of the soldiers.

The woman went to speak but was distracted by the grey haired, rugged faced man who could not stop looking at her in sheer disbelief. “Aren’t you a bit old to be a soldier?” she asked

“Hey!” Adam exclaimed standing up as he did so “Who do you think you’re talking to!?”

“I’m sorry i…I just…”

Kyle cut her short “Amber” he said in a voice that swam with shock and years of sheer boiled up emotion.

“How do you know my name?” she asked in confusion.

“Amber” Kyle repeated in a shamed, low voice “Its me”

            Amber almost dropped her notepad in shock, her eyes widened, her mouth stammered slightly as she went to speak “K…Kyle? Is that you?”

Matt and Adam exchanged knowing glances at each other and hastily got up and left. Kyle stood up as soon as he saw Amber walk over to him. She walked up to him quickly “What happened to your face?” she asked in a hurt voice, she reached out a hand to touch his face; he turned his face away “Werner’s syndrome” he replied “accelerated aging”

A tear fell down her cheek. Kyle said nothing. He wanted to burst out in anger. This woman had left him, over two years of a story book romance, him giving her exactly what she’d said she’d wanted, potential marriage and happiness, and her emotional insecurity had ended it all. He could have punched her. Kicked her. Slammed an inverted palm into her jugular. Would she be missed? How many men had she slept with anyway? And how many of them had she made truly and lastingly happy?

            He couldn’t believe that the thought of her life in ruins, her mind in sorrowful torment was filling him so quickly and angrily. It sickened him. He hated himself for it. She asked him “How have you been?”

Kyle could not answer at first, after letting out a deep sigh he replied “I’ve cheated death enough times, I guess I can’t complain”

“I suppose that’s good” she said trying to smile “my God it’s been so long”

“Over four years”

“wow”

            Kyle turned and actually looked at her, his eyes filled with anguish, rage and fear all at once “You betrayed me” he said

Amber was taken aback, she looked at the floor while taking a step back “Kyle please…”

“Don’t try and run away from it…we didn’t have to break up…I thought you loved me”

A standalone tear could be seen filling each of Amber’s deep, brown/hazel eyes “I…I did…I wasn’t lying to you y’know”

“Then why?”

“Kyle…it was four years ago…you know what happened”

Kyle could not help but let a look of sheer disgust cross his face. Amber walked towards him, a hand outstretched toward the transformed face of her former lover, the man who she was only just realising she used to be madly in love with. Kyle refused to turn around to face her. She placed her hand on his shoulder and wrapped it round, keeping a soft grip on it.

            Kyle closed his eyes and he could almost feel the beauty of the past envelope him. Oh how he remembered that touch, memories of summer days lying in soft embraces, meals shared together, movies only half heartedly watched due to the overwhelming desire to embrace each other. His eyes opened and the unbearably cruel truth hit him like a punch to the face. He deliberately shrugged his shoulder and made her relinquish her grip. Amber let out a quiet, stifled gasp. Kyle sighed a raspy sigh “I loved you. I was gonna marry you. I would never have left. Isn’t it funny how I gave you everything you wanted and it wasn’t good enough in the long run?”

“I really did love you. It’s just that…i…”

“I don’t wanna hear it anymore…I just hope you feel it like a knife inside you, like I always did”

Amber was trying her hardest not to sob. “Leave me alone” Kyle said coldly “I hate you Amber. Honest to God I hate you for what you’ve done to me” 

Amber let out a gasp, no longer able to contain her tears she ran out of the room, crying audibly as she went.

            Just about everyone in the hall had heard her and turned over to see Kyle standing alone, looking angrily but also dazed at the door she had left through. He felt no remorse. He looked up to the sky, as if cursing himself and Amber, he then walked out of the room, once again on his own with Amber having left, victimised in a fit of tears.

 

XXXXX

 

March 16^th 2009

Kyle stopped at the corner of the road which led into the street which he had been running to. He was still out of sight. There was still time to run. Wait for back-up. But what good would that do? Kyle observed a man running away in fear, clearly an innocent. A bullet pierced his side, he fell to the ground in agony. His eyes were filled with fear and denial, this couldn’t be happening to him, he couldn’t die. No. It wasn’t possible, he had to wake, he simply had to…Another bullet pierced his face and then his chest. Those eyes went wide with pain and then the life in them flew away from him.

            Kyle’s ears were filled with screams of women and children and blood splattering from bullet wounds. He checked the magazine in his M4. This was it. No turning back. No doubt. He turned the corner and yelled out at the top of his voice. The Taliban fighters all turned and saw him. Kyle shot a quick burst from his rifle and killed one instantly. A barrage of fire flew at him which he managed to miraculously dodge with a diving roll to his right. Crack! His back let out a stabbing shock of pain as he landed on his knees.

The Taliban fighters had taken cover behind cars and rubble. Kyle had no cover to run to. Instead he stood in front of them, all ready to do battle, a menacing glare in his eyes and malice upon his brow. Another fighter leaned out but Kyle shot him down too. There were four left out of the six which had attacked the apartment block. A laser sight ran down the centre of the street. Kyle rolled to his left, dodging the single bullet that recoiled off the dusty road. An explosion sounded in the distance. A loud, large vehicle could be heard approaching.

Another bullet let fly from the Taliban. This time Kyle’s aged body could not dodge it. It hit his chest, lodging itself near his heart. Kyle let out a muffled grunt of pain, agony, the pain was excruciating. He could barely stand, he used enough effort left to him to lift up his M4 and shoot his killer in the neck before he could duck. Another burst of gunfire. Kyle felt the speeding metal demons fly into his stomach and shoulder. He could almost not believe it, Surely such dull, aching pain could not seriously exist. He couldn’t cry out. He couldn’t even whisper a word of anguish; he could only drop to the ground.

The Taliban fighters began to run. An armoured vehicle tore round the corner and US troops poured out. Kyle’s darkening vision could just about make out Adam running toward him “Kyle! S**t Kyle!” he yelled “Hang on buddy, it’s gonna be ok” Of course it wouldn’t be, Kyle knew his life was at its last minute. And what filled his mind in his last seconds? Only Amber. Every memory the two had ever made and had since been rescinded flew into his brain. He was filled with enough joy that his last moments seemed slightly content. But still the overwhelming for things to have been better filled him. It didn’t have to have been this way. Why had it all seemed to fall apart for him? Kyle could only be left alone with his dying thoughts. No speech could come forth no matter how much he wanted it to.

As his friends crowded desperately around him, he realised that life would end how it had been lived, filled with regret, a knowledge that it was cut short and spent mainly in sadness. Kyle searched for a happy memory, he found ones of old friends, parties and family reunions, but they were too fleeting to focus on and even then the ageing was usually a factor in them, he needed something that would make him feel his life hadn’t been in vain. He found one. It wasn’t perfect, but it would do. The world around finally went pitch black, the pain seemed to cease. Kyle wasn’t sure if he was dead now or about to die, it was like sleep, that indefinable moment where you finally slip from waking to sleeping. Kyle wasn’t even sure if he was thinking any more everything was confusing, existential; it all just seemed so distant and unreal. Then there was nothing. Everything seemed to simply end…

Author's Note

I wrote this story quite a long time ago and realise that it probably has quite a few flaws to it, its not a typical romance probably one of my more downbeat stories, any feedback will be appreciated criticisms or compliments

Reviews

[Natalie]

I didn't read your profile until after I read the story...you're only 17? And you wrote this a long time ago? Wow. You are very intuitive about your characters feelings, and your dialogue is so realsitic. That's something a lot of younger authors miss the mark on. Way to go!

[deeps]

I like this alot. Held my attention.
It's very enjoyable read. Intersting and quite the read.
Very well written.