Learning to Dance with the Boogie Man

Reflections on a life with depression

When I was in my late teens, a friend asked me about my depression. This was before the days when there was a pill for everything. I explained to him that, for me, depression is like having a really bad cold...I feel miserable, I don't want to get out of bed and I want to be alone until it passes. Somehow, even before I went to a therapist/psychiatrist, I knew the black cloud that would engulf me was separate from the real me. Since then, I've been on anti-depressants, mainly Prozac. It helps, but none of the medications have ever completely taken away the blues. My own personal treatment has also been random acts or kindness/silliness. I have sent flowers to people whom I knew where going through a tough time themselves; I left a bouquet of flowers out in front of a senior citizens apartment home; I send out a weekly 'Friday Funnies' email to the people at my work; I make arts and crafts pieces for the special people in my life. I've learned if I can focus my energy outward, I don't spend so much time mentally beating up myself. Empathy is my weapon of choice in this world. I arm myself with the understanding that each of us has our own set of troubles and it does no one any good if you either add to a fellow human's worries or if you arrogantly assume you are the only one in the world who feels bad.

For those of you who have never felt the anguish of depression, I am happy that you are wired differently than me. For those of you who believe depression is a sign of weakness, shame on you. For those of you who know exactly what I'm talking about, keep listening to the tiny voice who tells you, "This isn't the real me and this feeling will pass."

This too shall pass
Calm the f**k down
Keep passing open windows

Reviews

[Marie]

I went through a period of depression myself. Medication didn't help, nor did therapy. THe only thing that helped was time, and I pulled out of it.
I like the way you focused your energy outward.

[Prudence]

Thank you. It's a daily struggle, but having friends in my life who are honest and make me laugh just when I think I'm in the darkest place have also helped lighten my world. Thank you for reading my writing and taking the time to engage. This what I was hoping for when I started posting my stuff.