I don’t want to die because the sky exists.

a journal entry from this morning

This morning the moon was perfectly framed in my window to see.  When I moved to the kitchen I saw a glowing purple sky painted in that window.  Like the spoons I’d get from my cereal boxes, the color turned to pink.  When the spoon touches the milk and the sun moves through the sky…

 

I feel nothing at the silence between my live in boyfriend and I. I don’t know what will happen with us. I can’t think of a future with him because ‘recently’, I can’t picture much.

One moment I want to sew. Learn embroidery and operate a machine. I’ve contemplated becoming a fire-truck driver, volunteering at a retirement house, learning ballet and mastering the splits. Instead I stay home a lot. I do uninspired things like go online a lot, snack, and think, but I also cook, take Bronx out. Don’t see many people, don’t read much books, and don’t exercise.

This last year I knew I was going to get a divorce. This last year I had an abortion. I traveled, worked as a courier, changed my hair wildly. I got to live with my sister as adults in San Diego, enjoyed weed, and felt intense romance. I lived in Oakland and Thailand for a while. I’ve enjoyed days outside, walking, my 3 pups, and watching the sky.

I believe that is enough. 

Author's Note

this is my first attempt at sharing a piece. there is no driven purpose, just a writing prompt. However, this is how I tend to write and realize I need direction. Also, whether this can be relatable.