I Fall

I fall among the broken stars
and dimming hearts
Whispering alone to the disappearing night
wishing my love all away
for the chance of
beauty's might.

I fall among the thrown out trash
rightly among its stench
Burying body and soul
in all of life's
mistrust.

I fall among the broken stars
and dimming hearts
of so many
second thoughts.

Reviews

[Inspiring Writer]

Last stanza's powerful and nicely penned. "Fall", since a morning, i planned to write one write on "Dark Nightfall"... even still thinking some words how to write on...but i think after read this great piece, i've got my idea to write. I was just going to the bed, bcoz, it's night here, before i go i decided to read some more stuffs.
Well penn'd write.

[Neon]

Thoughtful write.. I liked the outlines.

[Jason]

I feel as if you are exposing the mighty contrast of how one feels and how true that reality may be. Perhaps there is a feeling of regret? Perhaps the author holds him/herself in low regard to the fact that stars; as beautiful as they are, are in perspective "broken". Terrific.

[Pi Cee]

Perhaps. Thank you for taking a gander, new friend. =)

[Invisible]

simple yet elegant.

[Chris]

I hear its echoes in the night...

[Trigorin]

Not bad. I like the elements of repetition in this - it ties the piece together and isn't overdone, considering the brevity of it. My one criticism would be that the second stanza doesn't really feel as fleshed out and powerful as the others. Maybe look it over again? Other than that, well done.