Take it for a Spin

I wanna be this amazing person
I don't wanna be a fan, a nameless face in your following crowd.

I wanna be respected,
but a lot of the time I don't deserve it.

I'm not going down my deep dark roads without a light,
but not just a candle or a flashlight or a lighter,
you need a full car with working headlights and a blasting heater.

I don't just want words to fill some box.
I want a possible future a real hand to hold.

I don't want perfection,
I want the bad times just as much as the good.

I want all these wishes granted,
but how can I when I keep them all in my head?
When when I finally whisper my most precious dreams,
you c**k your head and sound like your screaming "what?"?

There are so many things in this world that I don't deserve,
that I know I don't, so I won't try without a solid reason of hope I can solidly hold in my heart.
I just want a life I don't have to regret.
A future past I don't have to life through in dismay.

I'm writing this book,
but I only control so much of the personality you read from it,
some pages get published in stone and I wish and dream and hope and pray
with all of my broken heart
that someday I realize how to look back and just love.

Reviews

[Wolfwind]

You know... I've read this piece about a dozen times since you've posted it. Each time it hits me in a different way. I guess that's because each time I read it, I see different pieces of my own life come into my thoughts, as well how i'm perceiving the words. I can look at this piece from a poet's heart and it makes my own heart ache. I can look at it from a friends point of view and want to give you a hug. I see it from just a personal/mental perspective and I could write a twelve page essay on the inner workings of life. So I think what I'm going to do is just pick out the parts that effected me the most and relate them to my own experiences.
Regret is a funny thing. It's one part I wish something could have happened back then and another part I'm glad something didn't happen back then, even though it may have been better. It's a walk down memory lane. Whether the memories are good or bad, there's a powerful pull to jump back in that moment, to either relive it or change it. Regret is especially powerful when it's an even that occurred when we were unwise and then when more knowledge came to us, we realized what we had done wasn't that cool. Like hanging out with a group of neighborhood kids when I was little and throwing rocks at some other kids down the street, just because everyone else was doing it. You look back after an event like that, after you've been grounded and you feel regret.
When it comes to people deserving things. I think that everyone has a right for the opportunity, but that only gets one to the front door, then they have to put out the effort to walk through. That comes from many years of realizing, nothing is every truly worth while if it's free.
When it comes to respect, I believe that as long as people do unto others as they would do themselves, then respect will be there. It's not really a given, but it's not really earned either. It simply exists when all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed. But once it's lost, then it has to be earned back.
I'm reminded of how the end never justifies the means, but the means do justify the ends. It goes along with the saying, we get out what we put into something.
You mention the book and that it only convey's so much. That's true. Yet, a person is more than just a book, they are comprised of images, smells, tastes and a voice. If all that one is basing things off of is the book alone, there are bound to be things misunderstood.

It's a powerful poem. It makes one look at life and the bigger picture.

Aaron =)

[Corset]

I can't believe I have been on this site all this time and never found these poems, I can relate completely as if I have written them myself, what a wonderful knack you have for conveying the human condition. I agree with what both Tomato and wolfwind have relayed below...and I love how you ended this piece, this is how I feel as well, what a great relief that others feel as I do too, I want a real hand to hold, not one limited by how much cell phone time I can afford or once a week
or limited by distance, I want him here, I want him now, and I want him always
upfront and center 24-7 all day, all week, all of tomorrow and everyday after...
I guess I want it all. I want the fairytale of real life, I want to be able to hear him grit his teeth with patience and I want him to let me go sulk for a while in the next room till I realize my side is cold where he isn't and I want to run to him, and I want his arms open because his side was cold with me away sulking, and I wanna say I'm sorry and I want him to say I know, and slap my a*s and then go make crazy love, lololol...ah ...I think I just wrote a book...lol.

[...]

... sometimes i read a piece of poetry that i can relate to so much that i am moved and relieved at the same time... i am comforted that someone understands... i feel very anxious about a million things too... it's just so impossible to predict the future that one can neither stop dreaming nor completely believe that all dreams will come true... i strongly believe though that all human beings are equals... whether their dreams come true or not... i think everyone deserves everything...

[Pi Cee]

That's an interesting view...

[Pi Cee]

I guess they do, but in different stages at different steps of their individual lives.

[...]

... yeah... you're right... sometimes one does screw up so much that even the general momentum of life can't help us until we help ourselves stand on our feet again and face our follies...