Destruction of Mipross

Plot Twist.

A big explosion interrupted the quiet tranquility of Mipross. The entire side of the bar was was just a pile of rubble and debris. Phiren emerged from the pile of stone and wood and quickly jumped out of the way of a second ball of energy. She landed on the edge of the fountain marking the heart of Mipross

"Damn.." she muttered. There was no escaping from the Dark God this time. He stepped over the rubble of the wall he had just blown to bits and smirked.

"Nowhere for you to go." he laughed, "What will you do now?" Phiren glanced around the area. She could already feel the sharp pain in her arms and legs.

"Well, Malxatra," she started, "I'm going to do this," she threw a ball of energy at the huge bell in the town hall.

Malxatra laughed. "Evacuating the citizens are we?"

Phiren smiled and nodded. "Casualties are not needed in this, other than you."

"Or you." he replied. Citizens ran past them with panicked looks.

Phiren shook her head and unsheathed her sword. Malxatra pulled his sword from the sheath on his back. Phiren made the first move she came at him with lightning fast speed and made an upward slash with her blade, but Malxatra was just as fast and blocked her blade with his own.

"Check and Mate." he smiled and overpowered her to her knees.

"Not quite." Phiren said with a smile as her brother, Aden, came up from the rubble just in time.

Aden charged Malxatra quickly and quietly and forced an elbow to his face, sending him a few yards.

"Thanks." Phiren said dusting off her knees.

"No problem." he said with a nod.

"Make sure everyone gets out. I think this'll get pretty nasty."

"Bu-"

"No. Get. Everyone. Out."

Aden didn't have time to argue back. Malxatra was already crossing swords with Phiren. She pushed him so hard it threw off his balance for a mere second and Phiren was already bringing her sword around. Malxatra pivoted on his left foot and brought his sword around catching Phiren in the side. Then he spun again and kicked Phiren into the fountain. Stone and water went everywhere. Malxatra laughed and stepped toward to rubble. He searched the pile of wet stone and found nothing. A foot connected with his head and he flew another few yards.

Phiren smirked and picked a piece of stone off her shoulder. Malxatra stood up with a frown. "What? Have I pissed you off? Good." she said readying her sword.

~~~~~~~~~

The battle lasted hours and Phiren was beginning to shake from the pain in her arms and legs. The tattoos were glowing a bright red.

"Tired yet?" he asked with a smirk.

She shook her head. The sky was red from the sunset. He came at her but she was to slow and tired to react quick enough. She went flying through the air and landed with a hard THUMP on the stone pavement. Her side had a deep gash in it.

"S**t..." she muttered pressing her hand to it. She stood up and quickly defended herself from Malxatra's sword coming at her again. She was pushed back by the force and the top half of her sword lay on the ground with a clatter.

"Well, it seems I broke your sword." he shrugged and threw Phiren his sword. She gave him a confused look. "Oh, no, don't worry I have a better weapon." He raised his hand and a scythe appeared in his hand. "See." Phiren defended herself.

Phiren made the first move, but he blocked it with the staff of the scythe. He pushed her away and kicked her into a building. Malxatra stepped through the hole made in the wall. "Honey I'm home!" he called with a smirk. He was surprised to feel a swords blade go through his stomach. His eyes glowed with anger when he spun around, he grabbed Phiren by the neck. She scrambled the pull his hands away. "You put a sword through me." he said angrily.

"..D..amn...skippy." Phiren said with a slight smile. He threw her through the wall again. She landed on the rubble of the of the fountain that was destroyed earlier. Once again she felt his hands around her throat.

"You will die this time." he said squeezing harder. He loosened his grip when she began to glow with a golden light. Her eyes snapped open and they were yellow.

"You will not win this." she said with a godly voice.

"N-nightmare-sama!" Malxatra shuddered. He jumped backwards. "Y-you said you wouldn't interfere." he pointed an accusing finger.

"And you said you wouldn't lay a hand on Phiren. I know what I said but do you know what your doing?" The light coming off of The Lord of Nightmares grew brighter and brighter until it engulfed the entire town of Mipross. The light faded and Mipross was a ball of flames.

On the edge of the town on a grassy hill Phiren emerged from the fire. Her hair burnt short and her tattoos gone. The curse was gone and so was Mipross. She collapsed on the hill and looked up to the sky. "Thanks Nightmare-sama..."

Reviews

[Arthur Crow]

I love the title of this story. I think you have done an excellent job of captivating the reader through out the entire piece, I enjoyed the mood and direction the of the story. It has all the elements that I like - fantasy, darkness, sword fighting and realism. You are talented!

[Wildecat]

A very interesting story, loved the imagery, kept me on the edge of my seat, nice write.

[Wolfwind Words]

I think I would like to start this off, by asking a question. What age groups are you targeting with this story? and Is your intension to one day use this as a video game theme?

Ok to the story....
The first paragraph has potential. I would think it would be alot smoother if it was given more discription. Each sentence seems to stand alone, not really flowing into the next. Making it read in a jerky fashion.

The characters and the dialog is simple but well timed. Perhaps a little more on the characters physical appearences and what they are thinking while the action is going on.

The style of writing you have chosen for this piece works if it's a platform for a video game or an anime.
It's tells us everything that is happening, leaving not much for us to imagine on our own.
For just reading, it might help to elaborate on the surroundings; such as was the area where they were fighting cramped or open, was it hard to manuever.
Describing the sword coming around in such a way that the reader can hear it whistle though the wind, and feel the arms muscles straining. That type of thing.

I think you've got a wonderful start to this, and it has a lot of potential!
The above is just my opinion, so you don't have to listen to it if you don't want to. :)

Infinity's Shadow