Chapter One

Syrese lives a normal life in the country of Tenra, until a strange encounter with a strange man changes things.

  It was early Sunday morning, I could hear the song birds talking melodically, and the soft tolls of the church bells in the distance. I rose whilst my entire body screamed for me to rest, but I ignored the temptation, knowing I could never possibly finish all my chores if I listened. I headed outside and saw as nature greeted me warmly. The bird's songs became sweeter, the sun shone brighter, it even seemed as if the trees waved as I came out into the world. I headed towards my livestock, a twinkle in my eye from my friend's warm greeting; my horse, Nate, was almost as happy to see me.

  

   Once I had finished taking care of my livestock, I could once again hear the soft church bells in the distance, with each ring I felt a strange pain in my chest, as if a dagger was being placed there. Ignoring it I went to my herb garden to check my drying plants for tomorrow; I would be going on the long journey to the market in town. Much to my surprise half of the healing herbs and most of my incenses were ready to sell. Tomorrow I'll be seeing a lot of witches. I thought grimly, I had always despised witches, and their ability to practice the Black arts freely. I grabbed my ivy basket and packed up all I could fit.

 

   Once I had completed all of my outside chores, it was mid-evening. I started chopping up vegetables I had retrieved from my garden earlier in the day. As I chopped I noticed movement in the yard. A man stood in the middle of my yard, he looked to be a peasant at first glance, but at closer look he had the jewels of a wealthy man. Who is this man? I thought to myself. He turned toward the the window, his shaggy golden hair with the tint of age, covered part of his face. He swept it away showing strained eyes behind spectacles. He spoke with confidence, yet his lack of energy was apparent. "M'lady I seem to have lost my way could you please be of assistance?" His deep voice drew me in and something about him made me want to trust him. I called him inside and asked him to dinner.

 

   He came in and I stood in the kitchen. What do I make for a man of money?  As if I was possessed my body started moving on its own. I heard a familiar voice say, "Be calm my child I shall help you where I failed to do in the past." I watched as my hands worked quickly and naught but an hour passed and a stew was done. I sat, and waited until he had his serving until I let my questions start flowing. He set the ladle down and we spoke in unison. "May I ask you a few questions?"

We sat surprised at each other's speech then he spoke. "I assume what it is you're wondering is who am I, and why am I here, correct?" He looked at me with a knowing smile, it taunted me, but I nodded wishing to know my uninvited guest's name. His voice carried as he spoke louder than need be "My name is Arthur Rukin, I am a great scholar from the greatest school in all of Tenra, Circle University. I work for his majesty as a researcher and teacher of the heirs, but seeing as all of his children have learned all I have to offer I decided to go on a.." He paused for a moment thinking of the right word. " 'more personal researching trip'."

 

   I stared at him letting his words sink in, I opened my mouth to speak, but before a sound could leave tongue he spoke again. "Now M'lady tell me about you." I composed myself, as a lady was supposed to, and spoke in a sweet but serious tone. "My name is Syrese, I have no family name and I make my living here by selling herbs to the witches in town." This seemed to get his attention, but before he could ask me a question I quickly added "Now, Arthur Rukin, tell me about this 'personal research trip'."

 

   He smiled, clearly waiting for me to ask. "This trip I'm going on is to locate and find a certain group of people, Sorcerers." He looked at me studying my reaction, I was still calm, but he had sparked my interest.

"Why come here, surely you know there are none to be found in this forest." This made him smile even more.

"Ignorance is a dreadful thing Syrese, but you have no family to tell you so I do not put blame on anyone." I set my spoon down and looked up in confusion, he saw this and gave a serious expression "Syrese, I do believe you are very special."

 

  I now stood, strange anger flowed into me. What does this man really want? Is he really who he proclaims to be? More and more questions flowed into me. Arthur moved behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders and whispered into my ear "Do not worry, I wish no harm to your dear Syrese." Anger seemed to trickle out of me and I stared at this man. How much does he know about me that I do not? He sat in his seat and looked around. "M'lady,Do you think we might have a drink to go with this lovely meal?" I looked around, surprised I had not yet set out a single thing to wash down our meal.

 

  I rushed to the kitchen and found the juice I had set out, I poured two mug fulls and turned to add some citrus to them, one of my secrets to my juice. I returned, set his down in front of him, and sat taking a sip from mine. "I apologize for there being no ale for I'm not quite fond of the substance." He raised his hand and spoke but I heard naught a sound. I quickly began to lose my energy and then the darkness took me.

Author's Note

If you have any questions just ask,be note that some things may be explained later on.
If you have any tips please say so or just tell me what you think of it so far

Reviews

[Kuro]

"knowing i could"
"chores It was"

"As I chopped I noticed movement in the yard, as I looked through my little window I saw a man in the middle of my yard, he looked to be a pesant at first glance but at closer look he had the jewels of a wealthy man. who is this man?"
That's a really long sentence xP I would take out the comma after yard and end it there. Start the next one on "He looked" also peasant is spelled incorrectly.

"age and covering part" this might just be me but I would put "age covered part of his face" Just seems to be an easier transition.

"strained eyes behind skeptals." did you mean spectacles?

"in the kitchen what do i make for" I would end the sentence after kitchen, and capitalize "I"

"of money? and as if I was" never begin a sentence with and. Just cut it out and make "As" the beginning of the sentence. What I have learned over the years is that the only time one should use "and" as a starter is in dialog.

"fimilar voice go Be calm my child I shall help you where I failed to do in the past."
familiar* change "go" to "say" and put quotes around the next sentence.

"waited til he" this might just be me but I would put "until" here.
" I sat and waited til he had his serving until I let my questions start flowing."
I sat and waited until he had his serving, then I let my questions start flowing.*

"We sat surprised at each other's speech then he spoke "I assume what it is you're wondering is who am I and why am I here, correct?" He looked at me with a knowing smile, it taunted me" I could be wrong but I am pretty sure when someone talks it is to be a new paragraph afterwords. Unless it is the same person talking. So it would look something like this:
"...He set the ladle down and we spoke in unison "May I ask you a few questions?"
We sat surprised at each other's speech then he spoke "I assume what it is you're wondering is who am I and why am I here, correct?" He looked at me with a knowing smile, it taunted me..."

" was sopposed to" supposed*

"research trip'.' " extra quote at the end there ;D

" flowed into me what does" start a new sentence after "me"

" to be? more " More*

"on my shoulders and whispered into my ear "Do not worry, " Again just my opinion but I would put something to this effect here: "on my shoulders, whispering into my ear he said "Do not worry..."

"at this man how much" man. How much...

"me that i do" I*

"I rushed to the kitchen and found the juice I had set out, I poured two glasses and turned to add some cituris to them, one of my secrets to my juice." end the first sentence after "out" and cituris is spelled citrus.
Just on a side note I would phrase the last part of that sentence as " one of the secrets of my juice." however it is fine the way it is.

" I returned and set his down and sat taking a sip from mine." I returned, set his down in front of him, and sat taking a sip from mine.*

"the darkness took me" you missed the "." at the end there xP

Overall I really enjoyed the story. Keep in mind that some of what I put on this review is just my personal opinion. I am by no means a good writer myself. My spelling is horrible and so is my grammar. So if there is something here that I missed or if I was looking at it the wrong way, please feel free to ignore me xD
It seems like there are a lot of details that could be added about the setting. No one ever really mentioned this to me and because of that I had no idea until a few years ago. If you were to go over my book Family Feud and look at version 1 vs. version 2 you would be able to notice a huge difference. Also I don't know if you have one or not but keep a character sheet. With basic information about the character. Here is an example of one of my characters:

Sora Catherine Hara: Main Character
Age: 15
Skin: White
Eyes: Blue
Hair: Blonde
Common Dress: T-shirt & Jeans
Background: “A” student at school. Enjoys spending time with her father.

Hope this helps ^-^
Oh and feel free to go through my book for revenge and find my mistakes lol. I know there will probably be a lot.

[Philppa]

Thank you for all the corrections. Some are just simple mistakes and some are just my bad. I'm really bad at spelling and I'm happy for someone to nicely tell me that I didn't spell something right

"I rushed to the kitchen and found the juice I had set out, I poured two glasses and turned to add some cituris to them, one of my secrets to my juice." end the first sentence after "out" and cituris is spelled citrus.
Just on a side note I would phrase the last part of that sentence as " one of the secrets of my juice." however it is fine the way it is.

I have this written the way it is that will be later explained in the story. (besides the wrong spelling)

I'm glad you enjoyed it and I'll be sure to take your advise. This is only the first version of my story and I'll be sure to revise it and make lots of edits to the story once it's done.

[Kuro]

Awesome ^0^ I'm reading chapter 2 now and I can tell you that the story structure is very good. I am having a hard time keeping my eyes open to mistakes because the story is so entertaining. I look forward to reading more ^-^