The Mist in the Mirror

That time of year...

The Mist in the Mirror

With subliminal cognitive dissonance

Imprisoning my reasoning and reality

Great hunger for solitary sanctuary

Resides within my spirit’s ramparts

Translucent is the mist in the mirror

Devoid of character and substance

And scrying smooth surface reflections

Conveys no answers to my inquiries

Dread haunts the cavern of inner core

An irking shawl of blackening negativity

Could this be the culminating vision

Of wasted punitive penitent existence

An infestation of life’s external invasions

Giving no release to stress and anguish

Salvation and forgiveness passed by

Just wisps from my outstretched hand

Iniquity shrouds this weak wicked world

Obscuring righteousness's central truths

Despots drill into the tree of knowledge

Hoping to harvest its sap for evil gain

They busily clone lustful forbidden fruits

For secret perverse personal pleasures

No wonder it’s so easy to go astray

Within these labyrinths of deftly spun lies

Are second chances laudable entreaties

Or foolish notions in desperate prayers

I have yet to find a deliverance champion

A salvager searching for lost lonely souls

Till then I ardently await rescue from morass

As now seems but an obtuse allusive illusion

Copyright @ Phillozofee 2018

Reviews

[Einstein Noodle]

oh my goodness Phil!! what an incredible journey and moment inside our minds ... for those who do search inward this morass of unknowing and yearning in a cyclic stuck prison .. with just enough glint of hope to keep one attempting ... this scene you have created is divine my friend ..its a place i did not think anyone else inhabited (just another lie eh!?) well done ... into me library it goes sir! and in answer to your plaintive speaker ... yes Virginia ... there really is a Santa Claus ... and His name is Jesus Christ ... but that is a whole other flip side isn't it!? love the consonance, assonance and couplets for form ... great theme ...dark and honest to the core ... bravo says i! bravo indeed!!! and Happy New Year my friend!
E.
ps. i think you have made the mist and mirror metaphor brand new ...

[Phill Oz O'fee]

How humbling is your review - I cannot thank you enough for your kind comments! Sending you my best wishes for a Happy New Year to you and yours … bless … :-)

[Einstein Noodle]

i forgot to mention the pic ... i have a sneaking suspicion it is you ... whether or not ... i think it is perfect to go with your poem ..and visa versa .. Happy New Year to you too Phil

[barleygirl]

No damn wonder this narrator never makes New Years resolutions, if this is how he's feeling on Dec 29!!! If I had to think about ALL THIS . . . I wouldn't be able to move forward & leap upon a new year. Your poem gave me a feeling of Halloween, tho. I love your well-crafted phrases: "solitary sanctuary" . . . "wasted punitive penitent existence" . . . and of course, this one takes the cake: "Despots drill into the tree of knowledge hoping to harvest its sap for evil gain" . . . I agree that going into 2019, things really do seem this bad . . . but I refuse to let it dampen my devilish spirit (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[L.S. Black]

'They busily clone lustful forbidden fruits

For secret perverse personal pleasures'

I felt thoroughly captivated by this piece as a whole.

The alliteration in this first line followed but the punching rhythm of its second really caught my attention. As if it were jolting me midway through reading, a rapid during the already full river.

[Lanny]

A misty exploration of the dark elements that prowl in the fog, and all done with such creative diction!

Nicely done, and all the best,

Lanny

[H L Rose]

It's cool how you've started to lengthen your poems. Your vocabulary is impressive and you really know how to pack a poem with significance.

“With subliminal cognitive dissonance
Imprisoning my reasoning and reality”
I like where the stresses fall in these two lines. The words all work together well not just in meaning but in sound.

“Great hunger for solitary sanctuary
Resides within my spirit’s ramparts”
I like the S sounds and R's in “resides” and “ramparts”. The visual in these lines add to the overall tone especially with “solitary sanctuary” and “spirit's ramparts”(which by the way is an awesome pair of words).

“Translucent is the mist in the mirror
Devoid of character and substance”
The first line in this stanza gets the sentiment across visually allowing the second line to go deeper with specifics. I like how the sounds flow so well from “Translucent” to “mist” to “mirror”.

“And scrying smooth surface reflections
Conveys no answers to my inquiries”
More good alliteration and the idea of “scrying” for “answers” I think gives the poem more depth.

“Dread haunts the cavern of inner core
An irking shawl of blackening negativity”
This drags the already misty visuals further into darkness and obscurity and causes the reader to dive deeper into the emotions of the poem.

“Could this be the culminating vision
Of wasted punitive penitent existence”
I like how these lines and the ones that follow give the reader more insight to the reason for the earlier sentiments. The reader is lead deeper into the mind of the speaker.

“An infestation of life’s external invasions
Giving no release to stress and anguish”
These lines, like the earlier stanza, give more explicit meaning and push the reader to think about the reason for the dark emotions they may relate to throughout the poem. This seems unique to me because I feel like I usually see it the other way around where the reason for the emotions is given first, but I like this approach.

“Salvation and forgiveness passed by
Just wisps from my outstretched hand”
The poem as a whole has a helpless tone that is culminated in these two lines, especially in the second one which is one of my favorites in the poem.

“Iniquity shrouds this weak wicked world
Obscuring righteousness's central truths”
The poem has been growing in the past few stanzas from a speaker central view to a projected outlook on the world that is ultimately stated in these two lines. I think it is a smooth progression that follows well into the next stanzas.

“Despots drill into the tree of knowledge
Hoping to harvest its sap for evil gain”
The projected outlook from the earlier stanzas is now centering specifically on human action and once again I think the progression is smooth and easy to follow.

“They busily clone lustful forbidden fruits
For secret perverse personal pleasures”
I think the religious references are intriguing without being over stated. They come across simply and are easy to connect to the sentiment of the poem as a whole.

“No wonder it’s so easy to go astray
Within these labyrinths of deftly spun lies”
These lines feel very direct and I really like “labyrinths of deftly spun lies”.

“Are second chances laudable entreaties
Or foolish notions in desperate prayers”
This question is honest in a gripping way and directly provokes the reader to think.

“I have yet to find a deliverance champion
A salvager searching for lost lonely souls”
I am not a big fan of “deliverance champion”. Just sounds a bit awkward but that may be just me.

“Till then I ardently await rescue from morass
As now seems but an obtuse allusive illusion”
The last line is a cool end to the poem that seems to refer to earlier parts of the poem and the stanza as a whole is thought provoking and leaves the reader with something to think about.

I enjoyed reading this poem and as always it is very thought provoking

[Droll Prole]

So many big words! I get to feeling like this every time something shakes me from my tree. Usually, the only deliverance champion I find is within myself. I do love these two lines in particular:
"Iniquity shrouds this weak wicked world
Obscuring righteousness's central truths"

[Jade]

WOWZOERS!!!
This is awesome, love that pic as well. Incredible write here. Love it

[Phill Oz O'fee]

'WOWZOERS' -what a wonderful word to use to review - thank you very much Brandie - your blitheness doswt surely abound … :-)

[Chris Shaw]

A strong image you have posted. What hides behind the mist? Only the person looking into the mirror knows for sure. This is a thought provoking write. Nobody knows us as we know ourselves, both the good and bad side of our character. Not one of us is perfect. Great write Phill.

Chris

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Thank you Chris - I have found that sometimes our imperfections can be our greatest assets. Sending you an early Happy New Year … :-)

[Chris Shaw]

New Year Greetings to you too Phill. Hope 2019 is a good one for you and yours.

Chris

[Coyote Poetry]

Year ago. I wanted to save the world.
"I have yet to find a deliverance champion
A salvager searching for lost lonely souls

Till then I ardently await rescue from morass
As now seems but an obtuse allusive illusion"
Today I know. You can save a few and most of us are lonely. Seeking unknown. Your words honest and true my friend. Thank you Phill for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Many thanks my friend - I really appreciate your feedback and reviews … :-)

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[Robert Trakofler]

We are all brothers and sisters here in this ethereal cybernetic land of weavings! When I catch phrase from some of these writings on this forum it is as if someone else is completing my thoughts for me. This is one of them for sure dear sir! Penance is the price we pay for the deafening clarity we choose to convey while others choose to drone there existence and drown there lives in facade we tear ours down and to add insult to injury we display them for all to see!!!!!! This is fantastic writing sir

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Your comments ring so true - building walls never works, as tunnels and ladders find another way … thanks for your insightful review! :-)