Up In Smoke

Up In Smoke

Today I wrote to you

A message of my love

Upon fresh crisp cream

Vanilla perfumed paper

But quickly I discerned

You would read it not

So setting fire to my note

Burnt it to cinder vapours

I will again fall back

To yesterdays’ daydreams

Where unrequited words

Meant nothing but respect

Circles within red triangles

One dimensional mindset

Predominate my lost being

Leaves me feeling wrecked

Copyright @ Phillozofee 2018

Reviews

[Monatora]

I thought this was really good! I thought you conveyed the emotion really well!
One thing I would note though (Ugh, sorry, pun unintended) is the grammar.
This is kind of nit picky (And I'm so sorry, I know this must be annoying) but the line 'So setting note on fire' was a little bit odd to me. It kinda took me out of the poem for a moment and I wondered wether it was intentional or not. I did really like the poem overall though (Also, the image complements the poem super well!) and this is just a minor gripe.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Thank you for your input - I must agree, that stanza does look odd - so - I have edited the line - hope this makes more sense!

[Monatora]

Yeah, that really make the poem look and sound better! Thanks for taking the input so well!

[AizenJ]

Well written... Respect! The emotions were clear. I totally get why he/she procrastinated about the giving the message of love.

[Patricia Wedel]

circles within triangles... could mean it just does not fit...
But to an artist who paints it could have meaning...
two different people with experiences to share. Amen

[barleygirl]

Your poem is written with much sensory imagery, especially smell, which I identify with, when it comes to remembering people & things. I wrote a poem this morning (Poetry Man) & I was thinking back on when we would write poetry to each other & send it handwritten on pretty paper. That hardly ever happens anymore! But I love reading your poem & being reminded of a more organic approach to romance (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Maxwell Ryder]

“Circles within red triangles” - what’s the metaphor. Possessiveness? Coveted love lost? Help. I could make it what I want, but I’d rather not if the author had something else in mind. Thanks. Nice write.

[Giulia King]

As I was reading this poem I could actually smell the Vanilla perfumed paper.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we keep writing the words, but those for whom we really write them most often never, ever see them or even have any idea that we are writing for and about them...
it's just the way it is.

[Ardra]

Mmm..... such sad poem Phill... :(
I know how it feels....when you keep writing and then you keep waiting...
Maybe... for that one day ... but then ... maybe that will never come...and then it's just ashes of the hope that remains...