After the Tone

When things don't work out ...........

After the Tone

One memory ago you whispered

My name would solidly be engraved

Athwart your eager wanting heart

But your sporadic opposed emotions

Either worship or scary fits of temper

Led to perplexities in our connection

These relationship inconsistencies

Unsettled and silently plagued me

In time breaking my tolerating mind

This rollercoaster with broken wheels

Was destined to eventually be derailed

Hurtled down in tangled trodden dreams

After your dramatic final last departure

I left many calls upon your mobile phone

To leave goodbye posts, after the tone

Copyright @ Phillozofee 2018

Reviews

[J. J. Nightingale]

Such is life in the here and now
Texted bad-byes, and unseen hearts
Pain feels the same
as if we were face to face
and hugs no longer exist..
so goes on the longings
of dinosaurs and cave dwellers..
that tried their best
to connect...

Well done..clever.. !!

Jazzy

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Many thanks for your humbling review - bless ...:-)

[J. J. Nightingale]

You are very welcome !!!

[barleygirl]

It’s a stroke of genius to use your title idea the way you do. I love the way your message covers a variety of broken connections, carrying your metaphor with creativity. Love this word-crafting: “roller coaster with broken wheels” . . . you’ve conveyed a tortured heart with high originality (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[JC]

I can relate as the sporadic spastic broken hearted heart breaker, I often wonder if these complexities are common...but then I watch all these couples that look so happy, or at least content, and I know that I am particularly doomed. Great write, thought provoking and easy to relate to.

[Melbourne Bound]

(I waited for the beep but silence was all I heard.)
Good write!~

[drew garner]

I think that the language is richer than the subject matter. The language is almost surreal whereas the subject is mundane to the point of it is very easy to take for granted how much a painful situation like this affects a person when they are happening. No real complaints other than it reminds me more of David Lynch then John Ashberry, but than again I am not sure if you are even a fan of either of them so the point may be irrelevant. thank you for sharing and I am sorry for my English, I am self-educated.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

David Lynch eh … I liked this quote of his; ‘You don't need a special place to meditate. You can transcend anywhere in the world. The unified field is here, and there, and everywhere.’

And … was that the John Ashbury that once famously said; ‘I don't look on poetry as closed works. I feel they're going on all the time in my head and I occasionally snip off a length.’

Many Thanks for the insightful review … :-)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i think i married this rollercoaster once...
we still sit together sometimes...but we got off the ride.
thanks for bringing me back with your very descriptive write.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

I trust you are happier nowadays - thank you for reading and your welcomed comments! :-)

[marilyn 1225]

my theme too always a lover declares always a friend says always
yet in time and with disagreements
they leave and there is nothing at all
especially not always
great work you write beautifully

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Many thanks for your kind review :-)

[Chris Shaw]

Such a contrast between your opening stanza and the final one. Much water passed under the bridge. Sometimes something which seems so promising at the start just doesn't work out and goodbyes are always hard. The fourth stanza is rich in language, I really admired your expression there. Sad, but this poem has universal appeal. We have all been there at some time in our lives. Thank you for the read.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Thank you so much my friend - lovely review! :-)

[Chris Shaw]

You are so welcome.

[Vivian Fisk]

Reading the antics of this neurotic woman I first felt relief that she finally left...but then I picked up in the last verse the emptiness: of the "many calls" made to her, only to get voicemail. She somehow got the last word, no matter how many times he tried. Very sad.

I liked your use of the word athwart. I had to look it up because it didn't seem to mean what I thought it did, and I found it has two meanings. Both meanings of the word are appropriate here, and we do know she was contrary!

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Glad you saw the write for the painful theme it was meant to portray - :-)

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Sometimes walking away from something is the best thing you can do to save yourself- when you know the wheels are going to fall off then sooner is better than later- staying- you’ll die a bit more each day- love the way you’ve used words here🌹

[Phill Oz O'fee]

A compassionate review most gratefully accepted - :-)