Wherefore art thou Scorpio

A first meeting of minds

How is it that I write a story about a feeling the see without visibly seeing it, then you pick up and read it and without meeting ,only to meet and find an old soul,,, I'm totally blown away,,,,,,,,I ask are you my three,,,, even though your an absolute wreck ,I find you to be absolutely beautiful  f*****g  breathtaking ,yeah I'm not going to sleep .but I hope my touch pulled some negative energy from you and made room for some solace,  I find myself wanting, I don't let myself become vulnerable ,but I did !,, i liked learning about who you are I find myself wanting to know your favorite color, your favorite song ,all normal things but with you something's different , I guess only time will tell, what makes you the happiest ,what one singularity  defines your happiness ?it's been a day maybe two and he's without time ,he has lost track of the very thing that has become so important to him ,this first impression has taken him back ,he hides behind his smile and depending on how this all unravels may determine if emerges from the shadows or totally embraces it for eternity , he has never been this far he has stumbled into something darker than he is use to , but the feeling is not foreign to him ,just stronger and more intense. When he went to her in a hurried state of mind he thought he was just helping a friend he had never met ,only through snide remarks through social media. But what he came face to face was what he had no idea existed ,she was his yin . He arrived and proceeded to grab the bags from the vehicle when she stepped out and he first looked up and saw her he actually could feel her steps as she proceeded toward him . The feeling was so overwhelming he dropped the bags and embraced her knowing he was in time in tune and had possibly found what his heart needed and knowing she was what he had been searching for for so long life's tiring journey had finally smiled down on him or at least he thought. As she invites him into her cave he possibly construes reality he starts scrambling to keep composure. As they enter into her hide out ,and she once again puts her arms around him she in doing so sets him up to either be totally destroyed  or forever changed.He at that point realized he had dropped his protective barrier and stood in an empty house without any defensive integrity , he had used his touch and in doing so realized she was as exotic as he and now his mind begins to scramble . He has been without equal and now he stands holding her , minutes even seconds into this union he already knows the magnitude of his actions and as the knight goes on he sees her sadness and his attraction is magnified like no other time in his life. What had he done this would have an global impact on his whole existence, he thinks of nothing it's all he can do to sit and listen and watch her move around as she talked of things that conspired to her situation . He looks at her ,he so purposely looks at her from her perfectly painted toes to her lightly dressed body he sees she is thin ,he feels her sickness through her thinness he notices her freckles her pecas'. He had studied pictures of her but never noticed them now he wonders what else has gone unnoticed . She has unveiled unto him something beyond his concept and now they begin the mind dance. She makes remarks that confirm to him he has found something special . He looks into her eyes to see who's hiding in the darkness . He becomes so taken back he finds it difficult to  breathe. As he studies her every move and every quester . He falls further so. He puts his hands together and feels they are sweaty , like prey he sits motionless . As she speaks he watches her lips and the way the top one sticks out and so slightly curls .he imagines how heavenly she must taste. His mind races her dress gives way to her bodies beauty , and he's surprised he is not aroused sexually like any other man would have been in such circumstances he was beyond that meager feeling he found her absolute her body sure f*****g perfect beyond perfect. But her mind her soul her self  that was what he melted to, as the night moved through time . The urge to reach out and touch her had overcome him knowing if he did there would be mental consequences.  Reaching out and holding her hand in his he feels her , her anger ,her sadness , her self destruction , her laugh, and her love, her femininity  he tries to pull from her some sort of negative energy so she can have room to maybe breathe too, I want to heal you , please!   he once again screams so silently . He knows he is supposed to love her beyond relative thought . The nights visit starts to come to a close and he knows he will be without her he stalls but again the clock robs him .he has to say goodnight he has found a diamond in the sky and is forced to leave it in the emptiness of space and time. He reluctantly hugs her goodbye he feels her body pressed to his he melts , he turns his head and smells her neck he feels her hair on his face  if as he was laying on the sun inhaling vanilla his mind says hold her and never let go, but in his stupidity he lets her go and walks to the door of the cave, he wishes he would have never even sought her out because leaving is an absolute crush, . he has no idea he would spend the remainder of his days releasing the negative , the first hour he spends coming down to earth and running tape through his mind everything she said he analyzes from all angles .he wonders if he's dreaming it's to good to be true he tells himself ,had I been misled had she perpetuated the perfect crime had she snuck in to the show and peeked behind the curtain . Have I just revealed my hand he thinks to himself  have I just let myself be destroyed beyond repair , he is left wanting and his friend taps him on his  shoulder    his pause gives way to his benevolent behavior . He spends the next morning in a wondering state, then he slowly moves toward the darkness and his eyes become hazed , a ripple in his mental madness . He begins to pull away from reality . He try's a few ditch efforts and ends up alone  he has no place to call home no refuge from the storm , again the clown is born unto him , he closes his eyes and tears fill his evenings and he closes his eyes and he tries to go to her he ask "what do you want from me ,why me? He floats across the universe to her and breathes her in he becomes the slight chill on her skin she gets in the evening when the sun moves into his house . Mornings seem so pressing and nights giving him his due. He searches for answers and he knows time has never been kind to him . He has assured her of his intentions and in doing so may have jeopardized him having the upper hand and now he plays the waiting game . He turns to his angels he cries for clarity he begs them  , dad what do I do? Nanny please help me. Ashley my love I am so lost . Why has this hit me so hard , will he look back on this and say ,my actions were so adolescent my feelings so construed beyond reality. Insanity may or may not describe the way he washes his hands , he cleans his heart in the sun and his mind through words in the darkness of his days. Until  she dawns herself unto him or he stumbles upon her beauty ,he prepares the proscenium ,he composes the music , and dims the lights, he sets the legs, and now ,,,,, PEM