Out of sight out of mind

Seasonal emotions , love and loss

It was two days after christmas the young man in an old mans body stood at the dinner table peering out side at the cold, feeling even colder inside as he sipped his morning coffee and thought of things that made life so tiring .he thought of her and remembered the time she arrived and now shes gone .as a slow realization of life calmly embraces his face a tear rolls down his cheek he exhales the past and remembers there nothing he can do .he draws a deep breath and takes in the future . His mind tries to comprehend things to come his future is uncertain.once again (time )becomes so important its all he has and its certainly not much. His spirit is strong but time has slipped by and his body is tired , he has become weak .life has been a battle .and time has robbed him and he knows it . He has spent many a nights in a tearful state and knows there are many more to come.he is not concerned with loneliness its been his friend for so long its the loss he fears . Finding what he found was no mistake ,he really feels hurt by this ,trying to fight back the depression and anger.she unknowingly pushed the preverbal knife through his heart.did she so blazingly put herself out there , in todays cyber world everything is transparent. Either she is as cold hearted as he is or her ignorance once again has surfaced.his demeanor has shifted , he once again walks with shadows , he recognizes his father in himself. He has realized that building a core isn't going to work ,he was born a nomad , an evil heart . The time has come for him to move on and dismantle this He asked his father to forgive him for he has sinned and now he will surely sin again.he can feel the hate inter his mind ,humans who needs them they are fictional characters he has created. He welcomes pain he embraces the hate . It puts a smile on its face , it has become the clown , behind blue eyes it cries, slow motion and winters emptiness fills its heart. it knows it will get through this ,its just the follow through rules it has to follow,that becomes tiring

This to shall pass and time hides the event /then the silence creeps slowly like a rain soaked coat again he stands,he fights back the emotion but its beyond his control, numbness fills his body his old friend has found him, they do not greet with friendly gustier , like a child reluctant to hug their loved ones they embrace one another.utilizing the power of the human mind he turns the table on time by impostering the residual feelings left within his heart. which holds no feelings / its only job is to pump oxygen rich blood to your mind because in spite of what your mother told you a mind can live without the body , but the body can not live without a mind ,thus the madman. so the mind paints the eyes, then it paints the pretentious smile but its not what others see that is impressive its the difference between the stranger in the mirror and his physical animation of self that becomes maddening. he sees the empty eyes and the lifeless soul he sees the darkness under his eyes he sees his age. he has awakened to the smell of gun cleaner its a familiar smell, before he has realized it he has sat up from what most people would explain as a great nights sleep and placed a pistol to his head .its his fathers .45 even though its only face value ,he places great emotional value on it as to say if it was to come to this only a single idol could be worthy of such an accomplishment. maybe if he realized that any would suffice he intentionally narrows his odds.so with this power to manipulate ones own mind he has fooled himself and everyone around him , so until the next episode in which he finds himself in the company of old friends,he continues to preform a show of a lifetime. ticket sales seem to be at an all time high,the audience has ingested the show they fight to get the good seats and that is how he has turned the table on time, 4549312054 2015 49182025 3
It was spring but the days had been filled with lingering thoughts of winter ,wind rain and snow have been the only constant .today would be different the sun shined upon his face and he sat quietly admiring her moves he equated it to watching the stars in the night sky sparkling as if to tell a story. He referred to it as flow ,he explained it as an energy something felt not seen.

His connection to an old soul and he seemed content to hold his tongue as to not disturb this flow. This to would be short lived and once again distain lurked in the shadows. Again his mind informs him he must dawn the masks it is crucial to play the part . His posture has changed his mind begins to loose its grip , reality sets its sights on him , like the flow of energy he so patiently admired so shall reality pull him back. he ponders thoughts so inconceivable that when explained with emotion they are perceived as believable, he believes mans rules and regulations hold no bounty , as time passes his mind will lift its grip and allow him to move on and as in winter this to shall pass ,his ability to move through time and space has eluded him ,and in an instant he begins moving reality to the box and staging time he embraces her ,and her happiness is his reward .He once again says his goodbyes to her and bears promise to hold true. He loves her from afar and for him it's enough he understands time,,, 3


It was summer and the heat of the afternoon sun was sweltering he hangs his head and breaths in the hot air ,he remembers being young and loved the way life was . he grew up here and knew the place well but life here was different it was a part of him ,but he was not a part of it. this life had forgotten him . he reaches down and touches the water , he remembers the way it ran off her skin ,the way it beaded up on the fine hairs on her lower back. he recalls the time she proclaimed her smile was her greatest asset . he reluctantly disagreed .he told her it was her eyes that gave way to her beauty . he saw it in her mannerism she didn't understand . he wasn't looking at her eyes he was looking into her eyes , he later explained it as a deeper feeling as if he could see her nakedness , her soul was exposed through her eyes and he had the ability to see her. while the rest of the world was infatuated with her exterior ,he was attracted to her soul. he raised his head and slowly walked away. he could feel her watching him , he refused to look back because he knew life would torture him . time has unjustly prosecuted him , it has imprisoned him , he now waits patiently for her return........ he hears a familiar song, he smells her scent in the night air there is a person living in my head she comes to visit every-night in bed and for a brief moment he touches her and peers into her eyes , her smile melts his mind , and with the rising sun morning ushers her away and he is left with the memory ,he looks at the spot she once lay and he starts his day ,,he saves his tears for when he really needs them ,he proceeds with his routine ....

Fall pokes its head from summers embrace and its reminder that winter is nearing and his mind remembers that this is the time that he begins his spiral .
death hides in the seasons ,but in winter it comes out to feed, unlike the wilderness bear whom hibernates ,the relationship between time and death is a close and personal one , it has haunted him the people he considered the absolute ,the ones he truly loved without pander have all perished and the fear of another is overwhelming, he feels ashamed that once again he sees the future and is ordered to sit aside and watch ,and now he uses his tears, he tells himself seasonal affective disorder (SAD) and this to will pass,from the short laundry list of friends he has ,they visit him and he is considered cheerful, to go as far as even happy, and some where he finds tolerant, and guilt , his mind is hurried he wants to tell them there worries are kindergarden at best.think beyond your box he screams into the emptiness ,he glances at the clock on the wall ,as to say hey TIME should be your only worry, he sits in the evening and slowly closes his eyes and reaches out his first love she has a sheepish smile, her skin would be like ice and yet she was the warmest child he had ever known. he remembers her the day she was born.he remembers all the time between and this would be the last time he would touch her and tell her he loved her from a man who's mind tells him different that love is his minds way of coping with death he remembers her ,as her father he feels the extreme emotional guilt he starts to hemorrhage memories his mind has put on him he slowly drifts asleep into the nightmare. unlike the men in his life the women are the ones whom visit his dreams rather at night or in the day,the constant reminder .
Winter paints the landscape a dull grey, a dusting of white and a yellowing of the mind,it shows age its in his eyes that the yellow emerges now more prevalent than years past, and time will tell , until then he remains out of sight.


i hope you find this story entertaining and understand the importance of time ,may life be kind to you, and thanks to all the people along the way,,,,,,,,PEM