Letter Of Resignation

  Mr. Carlson,

After much thought I have decided to write this letter informing you of my resignation from Gladhands LLC. This is not a decision I take lightly, nor to I take any pleasure in explaining my reasons for leaving a bartending job I've held for over a decade. But I feel I must tell you these things in hopes of bringing some of managements shortcomings to the surface. They say sunlight is the best disinfectant and given Gladhands' precious few windows, I feel it is time to crash a wrecking-ball size hole through the brick wall that separates the parking lot from the dim bar and shed some light on exactly what is happening here.

Know that I am not trying to be an instigator here. I've loved this job and most of the employees. I've respected the management as well but the feeling has not always been returned. On several occasions I have submitted verbal and written requests regarding the paper towel dispenser. Mr. Carlson, I am not stupid. I know when someone (not naming names) has simply taken the wadded up, used towels and crammed them back inside. This practice is not only unsanitary, it severely reduces the number of towels that can fit. While I do not agree with the concept of reusing paper towels, I can at least understand there is a financial motivation. Of course restaurants run slim profit margins, but I can not comprehend the reasoning behind substituting the hand lotion with discarded fryer grease. As a vegetarian I resent having my hands smell like chicken wings all day. And when I go to wash the smell off, guess what? That's not soap, just more fryer grease! And then I wipe it off with a nasty reused towel. I don't know how much it costs to dispose of grease but it seems a price too high for management. I've found it in the mop bucket, under the booth-seats, even the pepper shakers. There have been more than a few customer complaints about the tequila, which I'm pretty sure is 75% grease. 

To be honest, considering the amount of fried food we serve I was none to inspired to go down to the basement but, for some reason that's where you've chosen to keep our cash due-backs. Do you know who really likes the smell of chicken wing grease? Raccoons and coyotes! 1st off, these two wild animals are natural enemies (I saw a Nat-Geo documentary called "Our Wild Neighbors). But guess what? There were several of each species peacefully lapping out of the mop sink and I'm pretty sure they had made a pact out of the lack of need for calories! One of the raccoons made that chattery sound and a coyote seemed to understand and came and backed me out of the room! I nearly fell on the stairs. God knows what would have happened if I did, although I doubt they'd have eaten me. The seemed pretty satiated. 

The important part is this, Mr. Carlson, You'v not only endangered your employees from a public health standpoint, your negligence may have inadvertently created a new and unstoppable hybrid super-species! Have you ever read The Island Of Dr. Moreau? I suspect not or you wouldn't be playing god like this. Let me give you the Cliff-Notes ending, NOT GOOD! I've named this new breed "Racc-oty" but Tracy thinks we should call it "Coy-coon". I think that sounds a touch racist. Maybe I'm just easily triggered.

As I said, sunlight is the best disinfectant but you seem to think it's grease. I could go on about my on-call shift which doesn't start until last-call when your girlfriend, Tiffany gets too wasted to close but I think I have illustrated my point. Gladhands and I are no longer a good fit and I go without resentment. Just a decade of memories and the faint smell of garlic wings.

Respectfully,

Randy Beaman