Friend

A little girl makes a new friend.

 

"I like it here in the new house, don't you? How long have you been here?" The little girl toyed aimlessly with the blonde pigtails of her doll. "I used to live in a smaller house, but daddy is rich now so we got a biiiggg house!" She smiled a bright young smile, happy to be in her large, well-lit room. "His boss gave him a bunch of money and now we have a shiny red car, and the big house, and I have you too. It's dark outside now so I can't go out and play, so I just have to play with you! I'm glad I found you under the bed you know, so I'll give you a name. I'll call you Helen"

"Honey?" A voice from the other side of the door echoed. "It's dinner time, who are you talking to?"

"Helen, momma, I found her today!"

"Alright, just wash up. No dirty fingernails tonight."

"Okay Momma! I'm hungry...are you hungry?"



It smiled from under the bed.

 

 

 

Reviews

[Christina Harper: Sitti..]

I agree with Tee-o. It's evil to grab my attention like that and then leave me hanging. I think it was great, though. But, I do have a suggestion. The line starting, "I used to live in a smaller house..." would flow a little better when you read it if you started a new paragraph right there. But it's just my opinion. Good job though! I liked the simplicity of it.

[Rachel]

A really good creepy story that is subtle and short but still really unsettling. If you have a chance, please check out my short scary stories. Thanks!

[Da Leigh]

Great start to a short story! I would LOVE to read more.

[Sarah McConnaughey]

This is great. It leaves me wanting to read more and wishing it was longer. :P

[Sarah Hawkinson]

hahaha I love the ending! so subtley scary and eerie but it really captures the reader! it's a fun way to do scary.

[Here No More]

Oy, CREEPY! As much as I want to beg you to make a big story out of this, it's just so perfect the way you've ended it.

[ghostwritter]

oh yes, this story begs to go further. i'm terrified of dolls, yet i will read every creepy doll story i come across. it deserves a second look sir, because what i have read here is a hook that promises a hair raisin on the back of the neck ending.

[Emily B]

Oh, wow! It smiled under the bed. Reminds me of having to get up in the middle of the night, flashlight in hand, and jumping out as far away from the bed as I could get. I wanted to be out of arm's reach, you know.

[maddye]

OHHHHHH Creepy, I have the shivers probably because we also had a creepy under the bed when I was a kid. Loved it !!

[facadeofshadows]

Ok, I had to read the quick on for now, but I promise to come back later. This story had a very classic feel to it. I really enjoyed that... kinda "back to the basics." The fact that I don't really know WHAT was under the bed adds to the appeal. Of course, I always think the worst, it was probably just a cat... haha... but that is what horror is all about :).

Flash fiction has always been difficult for me. I'm a character guy and like to see well designed characters. People who can do that in flash fiction really amaze me. You did something cool here, because you kinda took the cookie cutter little-Goldilocks-in-a-horror-story and managed to breath new life into her. Great work.

[Vampire Wombat]

Interesting story. It definitely makes me want more. Well done.