Love Is All That Keeps Us From Being Afraid

for my mother

 

The doctor said today that my mother's eyes
were amazing and that she wasn't aging -
and in fact there was a rare reversal
and a great improvement in her sight -
but I am aware of that.

I am aware of her knees that crumbled
fifteen years ago, that cornered the market
on Ben Gay and stayed swollen day after day
have been running this long hallway
at my house night after night after night
and the doctor is right.

Because I think everyone that loses something
gains some other thing, like a universal promise
that we will not live in vain,
we will not fall to pieces, will not live in pain -
We will not falter or lose anything
without some form of compensation.

My mother has flipped open her mind,
the way she once snapped her compact
into obedience to beauty.
She has tossed it into her purse
where her social security check once lay,
where she struggled on a cane or blamed
the weather for her troubles
It has jumbled with Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday
and whatever year this happens to be -
But she knows me.

I am her sister.

And she knows my dad will be home at six
so she needs to start supper as she flatfoots
to music on TV - she has children to raise,
and places to be.
She has a disregard for being polite
She says everything out loud, refuses to keep quiet
and she sings - songs I've never heard of.

But everybody that loses something gains
and she has returned to write her young script again
and it is friendly, angry, outraged, demure-
it is anything she wants and it is true and pure.

Soon she will be having her first kiss
and a return to Sport Champion,
a dog she loved and always missed,
her first trip to the carnival
and the day she turned four and rode the train
that once ran from White Top to Abingdon.

And she may play in the rain or make mud pies
until finally she just curls up inside
the baby she used to be,
and I will try to be the mother she was to me.

And there is nothing left here for me to say.
Love is all that keeps us from being afraid.

Reviews

[Amanda Lee/ Isolated Dr..]

wow! what an incredible depiction

[Emily B]

what an amazing journey . . . she is lucky to have you beside her

[Chris]

Phibbe... love you Lady... you've any extra heart I can give... you take care now.

Chris

[Greg the Bard]

Phibby I fond this a bit depressing. The images are strong and carry many meanings. The flow as usual is very good and help the images. A very good work.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

That is really touching and sad... it is hard to watch people we love begin to deteriorate mentally and physically. Especially when as kids people like our parents seemed indestructible.

[Ken Simm.]

I know all about this so well. I don't think I could have placed the words as well as this however.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I lived every hour of this the last four years of my mother's life. I don't know that love kept me from being afraid so much as it gave me courage. Courage is not the abscence of fear but the ability to function in spite of it. But love can conquer fear...I have felt that as well and John said in 1st John, " There is no fear in love for perfect love casts out fear because fear involves torment" Bless the mind that knows no torment and keep it in perfect peace and love. This was beautiful.

[arbitrary jane]

'Because I think everyone that loses something
gains some other thing, like a universal promise
that we will not live in vain'

ah, how you do this. you draw all the pain and hardship to the surface, and it is almost too much to bear. and then, with grace, you give us such anthemic words to hold onto. lifepreserving words.

[Ed Hart]

yes, the stress of life has been lifted from her shoulders, and her old body can go about the business of living now...what a beautiful offering this write is