Segregation

segregation

 

The first week of school

it was time to be chosen

to play ball

The new girl, Rosa, stood

 in the same spot,

often in the same dress

and because I was shy too,

I stood beside her

waiting to be friends

each of us smiling

neither of us thinking

of anything to say

By the end of the week

my friends

from the year before

weren't speaking either

not to me, not to Rosa

until the day I wanted

 to play kick ball

and while I was moving

around the field,

Mary and Martha,

the blond twins,

said we can't play with you

if you don't stop

standing with Rosa.

When I returned

to stand with Rosa,

her big eyes looked at me

and her dress seemed

even longer than before

but I didn't say anything

we only smiled, uncertain

with each other

One day she disappeared

somewhere on a different bus

to a new zoning

and no one spoke of her

again

So I played kick ball

but sometimes

 I would look back

quickly

in her old direction

where something sad

and invisible still stood.

 

 

Reviews

[Nicole Hellene]

When I was in kindergarten, I wanted to show my mom my new friend, so I grabbed her by the hand and said "there she is, over there, the girl with the black hair and white collar, don't you see her? She's right there!" Of course it was a catholic school so every girl had a white collar and most had black hair, it never occured to me to say "the one with the dark skin." My parents laugh about it to this day.

[Ladysue]

A very moving piece. This is full of truth and wisdom...A brilliantly done piece...

[deeps]

This is so touching and heartfelt, i like this

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Love the story and the visuals. I can see Rosa's big eyes of amazement along with the dress. Very touching piece Phibby

[angelina neves]

beautiful and touching!

[Mark]

This reminds me of Junior High School, when I lacked even the courage to befriend other outcasts, though I was one myself. No poem can be called unsuccessful which has the power to bring forth such strong emotions, and perhaps even help to dispel them.
Your protagonist was braver than I, to look prejudice and hatred in the eye, and reject them. Your subtextual message, that such qualities are frequently manifest even in those who have Biblical labelling, was not missed. Thanks for the warning.

[Sarai Akscyn]

I like the storyline itself. I think a stronger structure would deliver it better.

[Emily B]

oh, Phibby, I had never read this one--before. It says so much through the wide-eyed rememberings of a child. Turns your stomach in knots to think about the choices a child can make. How instictively they can go beyond the ideas learned from those who surround them.

[Danielle Asher]

this poem is so sad. it's worse then how the other children segregated Rosa and that point would have been bad enough. It is about the ugly reality of society...
"One day she disappeared
somewhere on a different bus
to a new zoning
and no one spoke of her
again"
It speaks volumes about what is going on in society today. I know on Long Island this story can not be anymore realistic the way the schools are segregated. I loved the choice of the twins names Mary and Martha. Biblical and spearing the point.
GREAT WORK!!

[T. F. Rice]

Very honestly spoken and on a topic not over--done. I like this, but have to agree with Jerry M., below, who suggested you punctuate the piece fully. After all, this is more prose than poem... sentences, telling a story, rather than poetic language, so the structure of punctuation would really add a lot to help the reader get through the piece without struggle. In other words, let them struggle with the subject matter, and not the punctuation, or trying to figure out where your thoughts begin and end ... without it. :-) Write on!! This is a good one, a gem of thought in the otherwise dark and dreary internet world. :-) TFRice

[Creepy Swine Guy]

Disclaimer - I don't like critiquing poetry because someone pours their heart and soul into writing something that just sings to them. Then they show it to me, and because I don't have the same emotional triggers or life experiences, I don't feel what they feel. I look at their creation like a surgeon looks at a patient. It's not the little boy with bright eyes who loves cherry icees, it's a body that has a malfuntioning spleen. I don't know your poem or what brought it to life on the page. I only know what sounds right to my ears. So please ... take my crit with that grain of salt.

I love the subject matter and the meaning of this poem. It has something important to say and it gets it's point across with clarity. The delivery of the poem through the eyes of a child gives it a credible voice. I wish you'd allowed yourself to punctuate though. I know it's some sort of style thing to eschew punctuation, but just call me old fashioned.