A Bird Sang Dawn Into the Room

A Bird Sang Dawn Into The Room

A bird sang dawn into the room
I watched the ceiling miss the moon;
the moon so full of promises,
red gold in blushing undertones,
seductive, outlined by the dark.
Now lost in morning calls of pink,
deep throated songs of things at hand,
sang from a fine mist on the fern
I sandal softly from my bed.
There sounds the bass call of the crow,
already bent between the rows,
nudging seeds that should stay down,
up from the soft loam of the ground.
There goes the train that whistles hard,
in case some soul still lies about,
as everywhere the morning sounds,
give way to traffic as it mounts
in high pitched whines and tiny beeps.
I barely live inside the town.
I barely live inside myself.
But since a bird was kind enough,
to brave my wrath and wake me up,
I think the least that I can do,
is toss him bread, to have with dew,
while I slip quietly through the door,
and view the world, bright new, once more.

Reviews

[Doctor JKC]

"I sandal softly from my bed."

So many intriguing sounds.

And it starts all over again and....

Hugs, Jack

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

Great descriptive and expressive write...I felt as though I was there..Keep the creative pen flowing. Thanks for the comments on my work...Sara

[Alessander]

You know, I didn't even pay much attention with the content the first time around because the ryhthm was so smooth, like an incantation...which is the best compliment I can give to a somewhat formal poem. Iambic tetrameter, masterfully written.

Also, I agree, that the intermitten rhymes do not detract from the work. I know there are those in that "either rhyme from the beginning or don't rhyme at all camp" but I am not one of those. Even the near rhymes "down/ground" which normaly bother the hell out of me work here - I think it's due to the strong images.

That being said, I think the last line is weak, esp when compared to the beginning...it seems like u might want to end it with an image, or quite simply, think of a more profound life altering ending lol but reallly, any time you end with a rhyming couplets, you're really going up against Shakespeare and Pope, etc, so It just needs to be stronger, imo. Solid Write!

[E.J. Wallace]

This is a very uplifting, smooth-reading poem. My favorite lines are "I barely live inside the town/I barely live inside myself."

I can relate to this poem. Thanks for sharing.

[Poeticpiers]

the bird is due his reward I loved this poem phibby

[deeps]

This is one amazing write here!
I like this alot. I thought this write was plain beautiful!
Very well written.

[R J Askew]

'I barely live inside the town/i barely live inside myself' caught my eye. The colour play up top sets the mood and I like the way Nature filters into the soul to leave it feeling the better for it. Like the weight of the eights you stick to in each line. Qui/et/ly ??? Nah, has to be quiet/ly, right? No one says qui/et/lee.

[cest la vie]

Such a beautiful, inspiring poem..
I think I will save this for those days when I feel less than able..

Beautiful Phibby :-)

[Tina Kline]

Fantastic. I do love bird song but it can wake you up. This is such a lovely poem the writer just has to love bird song to create this. Impressive and so joyful. Love it.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

But since a bird was kind enough,
to brave my wrath and wake me up,
I think the least that I can do,
is toss him bread, to have with dew,

I really like that part... to me it says how you recognize someone doing something for you that you didn't like but you know it was for your own good.
another profound piece of writing.