Someone ran across the stage. His lips foamed, but I listened on, till he put God into a nutshell and people jumped the pews Sometimes I watched God crack loose from the worried rosaries in anxious hands, from the snakes that never bit an honest man, from the wars they said he raged and the pews saved for the man with the most money. He loved to sit on the mountain and sing a soft breeze into the ocean, light up his lava lamps, turn something upside down, anything he could think of, to get their attention. He loved to watch the sun in a topaz glisten, feel the rain filter in a fine mist, mouth a sideways, Jesus, Jesus, these people never listen
Well, Phibby, you've done well here. Often, pulling two stanzas (defined by me as sets of ideas or different themes) into one doesn't work well, but the switch from the misrepresentations of God in the first nine lines to the personification (without the artificial trappings) in the last eight lines works quite well, esspecially if one reads slowly enough. Maybe that's why it works - the first several lines just beg for slow reading (maybe even re-reading) which sets up the second set of lines nicely. The leat two lines are perfect. :-)
http://youtu.be/25XE-BHGvWI
http://youtu.be/B2klgDKMUq0
I live in the mountains of Southwest Virginia. Although my passion is poetry, I recently published a novel called, Women of the Round Tabl.. more..