Cracking

Short piece about overburdening yourself

Once I was leaning on the edge of a railing. My friend asked me what I was thinking about now. "My cracked vase", I simply answered. 

It's fragile state reminded me so much of my own cracked state of mind. Just one more push and it would surely break. With it's crystal delicate state, it will surely cut me in the end. Forever overloading it, hoping this time it won't break.I take another challenge on, another thing I will obsess over. Nit-pick it to the greatest detail so I can scream about it later. Belief overpowering reason, I walk the line between sense and insanity. I could just drop it all and walk away. But instead, I always grit my teeth and push forward. I ask myself, "Why do I do this? Live with the constant worry? The suffering? The sacrifice?"

The rail is cutting into my skin. My friend stares bewildered. Asks, "Why?"

"Because I can", I sigh.  

Author's Note

Help! Please critic

Reviews

[Bri]

Love this. Has great details and you describe every feeling to the full. I really like this. If you want more friends, I can feature you on my group: Young, Reckless, & a Writer..?

[Tsukin Archangel]

I really liked this piece! It has a very kind of chilling feel to it, and it has a LOT of pontential to be better. I'd suggest re-reading it and change a few words, make some more complicated sentense structure choices, and thoroughly rounding it out :3 Cause some parts were a tad repeative and others were un-necessarily wordy. For example:

Line 1: "Once I was leaning on the edge of a railing. My friend asked me what I was thinking about now."

The "Once I was leaning on the edge of the railing" isn't even a complete sentence. It's a fragment and it is perfectly okay to use fragments in creative writing BUT it needs purpose and I don't see a purpose there. So I'd change that to

"Once, I was leaning on the edge of a railing, and (or ";" could work as well) my friend asked me what I was thinking about now."

Now for the middle paragraph:

"It's fragile state reminded me so much of my own cracked state of mind. Just one more push and it would surely break. With it's crystal delicate state, it will surely cut me in the end. Forever overloading it, hoping this time it won't break.I take another challenge on, another thing I will obsess over. Nit-pick it to the greatest detail so I can scream about it later. Belief overpowering reason, I walk the line between sense and insanity. I could just drop it all and walk away. But instead, I always grit my teeth and push forward. I ask myself, "Why do I do this? Live with the constant worry? The suffering? The sacrifice?"

One thing would be change the 2nd state, in "crystal delicate state" because you use "state" like two sentences prior. Also think about merging some of the sentences, they'll all relatively short so it's possible to make it flow better by making sentences longer. So I'd suggest something like.

"Its (This didn't need an apostrophe you werent using "It is") broken state reminded me so much of my own shattered state of mind. Just one more push and it would surely break -- fall away into nothingness -- with its (again apostrophe not needed) delicate crystal form that would surely cut me in the end. Forever running over, over filling, hoping against hope that this time it won't break.

I take on another challenge, another thing to obsess over. I nit-pick it to the smallest detail so I can scream about it later. Belief overpowers reason; I walk the fine line between sense and insanity. I could just drop it all and walk away. I could, but instead I grit my teeth and push forward, asking myself, "Why do I do this? Live with the constant worry? The suffering? The sacrifice?"

Now I couldve edited that more, but this is your peice sooooo I didnt want to change your wording too much. but I think that might flow a little better! Hopefully this review was helpful to you :3
-Archie